


SKAM SEASON 5 - Elias

by annamorelli, starking24



Category: SKAM (TV), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-12-09 07:12:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11664195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annamorelli/pseuds/annamorelli, https://archiveofourown.org/users/starking24/pseuds/starking24
Summary: A season 5 continuation of SKAM with Elias Bakkoush as the main. The blog@SKAMELIASwill be updated in realtime with subchapters, text updates, instagram updates. On friday the full chapter is posted on ao3.





	1. KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN

**A SMART IDIOT**

**1.1 Mandag 31.07.17 11.59**

((( Everyday - Asap Rocky )))

Elias walked up the stairs to the cream coloured apartment, a light breeze occasionally hitting his face. The dark clouds overhead suddenly grew ominous, as if the sky hadn’t just been blue and airy mere minutes ago. His messenger bag, filled with the combined weight of his laptop and books, banged against his leg with every step he took.

As Elias opened the door to his apartment, he heard multiple voices drift through from the living room. After taking off his shoes and bag, he walked inside and saw the boys chatting away animatedly. They were all sitting on the table in front of the huge bookshelf in the same room they filmed their youtube videos. As the boys welcomed him with their collective smiles, Elias felt the exhaustion from finishing another mindless course, quickly dissolve.

They were all there: Mikael, Mutta, Even and Adam. Everyone except Yousef.

Yousef had been in Turkey the entire summer, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t talked every day since he left, like they did every summer when either of the boys had gone out of the country. Although now he had to admit, he was sharing Yousef with a certain someone.

Sana.

He didn’t know what they were or what was going on between them. All he knew was that he had grown tired of watching both of them pine after one another for years.

Elias hadn’t figured that they would be at his house, but he should’ve known. Even when he wasn’t home, they still found a way to be there.

“Who let you guys in?” Elias asked.

Mikael nodded his head towards Sana’s room. “Sana.”

Elias walked closer to the boys and sat down at the table next to Adam and Mutta. He gestured with his hands to the small ball they were tossing around and Even threw it to him.

“How did the course go?” Mutta asked.

Elias had been taking multiple courses these past few months, trying to find something interesting enough. All of the boys looked at Elias, waiting for him to answer. Probably all hoping to hear him say that he finally found something he wanted to do with his life.

Elias let out a frustrated sigh, bouncing the ball around. “Who the hell even cares about the similarities between symbiosis and antibiosis?”

The boys chuckled in agreement. None of them had any particular interest in sciences, which was why they had gone to Bakka.

“Didn’t you used to get straight sixes in biology in middle school?” Mikael asked.

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I care about it.”

Mutta patted Elias on the shoulder, trying to make him feel better. Elias smiled at that. “Don’t worry, you’re going to find your thing.”

Sometimes, it seemed like Mutasim was the only real adult in a group full of supposed adults. He had gone straight to uni after high school, which baffled Elias. After spending more than ten years in school, how could you not want a gap year? Or seven gap years for that matter.

Elias fidgeted with the ball in his hands as he looked up, catching Mutta’s concerned eyes on him.

Mutta abruptly changed the subject by pointing at Adam and saying, in a significantly more cheery tone, “Listen to what this guy over here is saying.”

Elias raised his brows in curiosity, willing himself to stop thinking about courses, the future, and life in general.

He looked over at Adam who raised his lips into a cheeky smile. “I’m thinking of growing a beard.”

Elias grimaced and couldn’t help but scoff.

“Bro, we’re in Oslo, not the Middle East,” Mikael said.

“What? Girls dig it.”

Elias shook his head, laughing. “People are going to think you’re trying to wage Jihad on them or something.”

The boys threw their heads back in a burst of laughter as Elias flung the small ball he was playing with at Adam. Adam swiftly caught it, tilting his head and shrugged, “You’ll regret your words when I’m getting girls and you guys are left in the dust.”

Even’s head perked up at that, eyes wide in mock-disbelief, “What about me bro? You got all of your pickup lines from me, remember? I got you.”

It was true. Even had been the mastermind behind the boys’ countless flirting attempts throughout the years. But that’s not to say those pickup lines were any good. Especially not if they came out of Adam, who had absolutely zero game.

“Yeah true,” Adam gave Even a high-five and laughed, “You get me Even, you get me.”

Mutta patted Even on the shoulder and said, “Let us know when Adam actually gets those lines to work on girls.”

“Using girls in plural probably isn’t the smartest thing considering he can’t even get one,” Mikael added.

All of the boys roared with laughter while Adam shook his head in disbelief. “Even? Elias?” Adam gaped at the both of them. “Anyone? Help me over here.”

“Sorry bro you’re on your own,” Elias winked.

Adam crossed his arms and muttered, “I- I get girls. You’re one to talk Mikael, you haven’t even had a girlfriend.”

Mikael raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. Elias swore he saw a flicker of hurt flash in his eyes, but it was gone before he could question it too closely.

“Guys, guys, guys, let’s not drag poor Adam to his death,” Elias laughed, rubbing Adam’s back in a mock-sympathetic way.

Adam let out an exasperated sigh in return.

“Speaking of girls, where did you go off to at that party last friday?” Mutta asked Mikael.

Mikael opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Sana, who had just walked into the living room with her friends right behind her.

“Hey Elias, I forgot my keys at Eva’s. Are you going to be home in a few hours?”

Elias paused. He shook his head, trying to act nonchalant while silently begging that she wouldn’t ask where they were going.

“Oh, then I’ll just borrow your keys.”

Elias glanced at the boys, silently willing them to be restrained for once. He shook his head as he noticed they all collectively looked like suspicious 6 year olds who had been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Except Mikael, who was fumbling with the zipper of his jacket, seemingly clueless to the situation at hand. Elias looked back at a confused Sana with a tight-lipped smile. He glanced at the girls beside her, who looked equally as bemused. Sana was looking at Elias with narrowed eyes. He knew exactly what this meant and her next question proved it.

“Where are you going?”

Elias stuttered, failing to find a response. He rubbed at the nape of his neck and coughed. He hoped, or rather prayed, that the boys would supply a convincing answer.

Adam straightened up and with a cough said, “We’re going to play some ball.”

Sana furrowed her brows and crossed her arms as she peered out the window to their left. “In the rain?”

The girls laughed in response. The blonde one, who he vaguely recognized as Vilde, choked out a shrill laugh. The boys glanced outside and surely enough, it was raining. She had caught them. Elias gaped, suddenly at a loss for words.

After what felt like minutes of silence, Mikael coughed and tried to rectify the situation. Elias massaged his temples, unsure of what he might come up with.

“Sana you should really buy a plane ticket for Yousef so he can come back already. We can’t deal with two more weeks of his messages about how much he misses you.”

Elias smacked him on the head and glared at him. Of course he had to bring up the one person he wasn’t supposed to mention. Mikael shrugged in response with a toothy grin. The point was to not let Sana and the rest of the world know that Yousef was coming back sooner than they thought.

Elias knew that Sana was going to see right through it in a second. She was smart, unlike the boys, it seemed. Elias grimaced, waiting for Sana to see through their painfully obvious bullshit.

Sana opened her mouth, about to say something but nothing came out. Elias furrowed his brows at her obvious attempt at collecting herself. Eventually, she rolled her eyes and left the room with the girls following closely behind her. For a moment, Elias swore he saw her cheeks reddening.

He had expected Sana to see through their bullshit, to call them out, to say something snarky, anything but this. Elias looked at the boys who looked astonished. Elias raised his eyebrows. Had Sana seriously just passed up an opportunity to make a snide remark?

“I can’t believe that worked,” Mikael said.

Elias smacked him on the shoulder, on the off chance that Sana was still able to hear them. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Maybe. But I’m a smart idiot,” he retorted.

Elias paused, glaring at Mikael. “What does that even mean?”

Elias’ attention shifted to Mutta when he looked up from his phone and said, “Guys, it’s almost half past, we need to go.”

“Can you drop me off at work on the way to the airport?” Even said.

Elias nodded at Even in approval. To say that he was excited to see Yousef again after more than a month, was an understatement. He missed Yousef. He grinned and raised his eyebrows playfully at the boys, his heart filled with excitement.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

 

**DONT DESERVE HER**

**1.2 Onsdag 02.08.17 15.47**

((( Helwa - Gilli )))

“So we were walking down the streets of Istanbul right? And then-”

“Wait, you were in Istanbul?” Adam interrupted Yousef as they were walking up the stairs to Elias’ home with their gym bags in hand. After having just finished a 2 hour session at the gym, Elias could feel his stomach growling.

“Yeah I convinced my grandparents to stay there for a week, it’s only like, an hour and a half’s distance.”

Yousef’s grandparents lived in Gebze. Or as Yousef called it, the most boring city in all of Turkey.

Yousef continued, “So there were these people who were trying to sell my mom some stuff and I had to literally drag her out of there before she bought out the entire store.”

The boys chuckled. Elias smiled softly. Nermin was like Elias’ second mother. His heart warmed. Every time Elias came to visit, Yousef’s mother would always make them eat until his stomach ached. He was convinced that no one could make better Pide than hers. Or Manti. And Elias couldn’t forget her Baklava. He sure was hungry. Elias opened the door to the apartment and the boys dropped their bags in the hallway.

“Also, have you guys seen the amazing mosques in Istanbul?” Yousef said, with crinkled eyes as Elias walked inside the living room.

“Since when are you suddenly so interested in mosques again?” Mutta asked, with raised brows.

Yousef paused. He shrugged and laughed in response. “I- They’re pretty. I don’t know.”

Elias snickered in amusement and glanced at the boys knowingly. He patted Yousef on his shoulders and chuckled. “Sure, bro.”

“Isn’t anyone home?” Even said.

Elias shook his head. He looked around and said, “Dad is, but I don’t know if Sana and mom are.”

“No, they’re at the mall,” Yousef said, looking up from his phone.

Elias turned around in surprise and looked at Yousef. He raised his brows as the other boys followed suit. Yousef darted his eyes back and forth at the boys’ confused looks.

“What? She told me,” Yousef answered.

Elias paused. He glanced at Adam and Mikael who were desperately trying to stifle their laughs. “Dude. This is getting too creepy,” Elias said.

He rubbed at the nape of his neck and rolled his eyes at Yousef’s blush. “I’m gonna go say hi to my dad.” He walked out of the living room, chuckling to himself, as he lightly shook his head in disbelief. So this was how it was going to be from now on.

————

Elias walked into the study where his dad usually did some work from home when he wasn’t at the hospital. He swore he had never seen such a hardworking man before. Elias had always looked up to his dad, which was why his feelings of inadequacy were so all-consuming. He constantly worried that he would never be as successful or as diligent as his dad was.

Elias’ dad looked up from his laptop with a soft smile as he saw Elias enter the room. “Hi son.”

“Hey dad.“ Elias met his smile with one of his own.

He watched as his dad hastily typed out something on the laptop before closing it. He turned around in his chair to face Elias and took off his reading glasses. “How did it go with that medicine course?” he asked, forehead wrinkling.

Elias leaned against the door and sighed exasperatedly. “It- It’s not really for me,” he said remorsefully, avoiding eye contact. He knew that his dad secretly would’ve loved for him to follow in his footsteps, just like Sana was doing.

“Hey, look at me,” his dad said. Elias looked up and was welcomed by a concerned expression on his dad’s face. “You’ll find what you want to do, I promise you will. Don’t be ashamed.” Elias pressed his lips together. “You know we don’t allow any shame in this house,” his dad chuckled at him. He tilted his head thoughtfully as he continued, “We just…..we want to make sure that you’ll be able to feed your wife and children in the futu-

“Dad, I’m only 20,” Elias retorted. But he knew his age was no excuse. His older brother Karim, who was 23, was already halfway through his computer engineering degree. In comparison, Elias was seriously lacking on that front. How was he supposed to live up to his family’s expectations? Sometimes it felt like it was all too much to bear.

His dad sighed. “We just want you to be responsible. Your mother and I had nothing when we came to this country, we had to build our own home, our own legacy, our own future.”

Elias nodded solemnly. His parents had come to Norway in the mid 90’s, a few years before Elias had been born, when Karim was a year old. They had told Sana and him countless stories of how they’d had to build a future for themselves enough times for Elias to get tired of them. About how they had to learn the language quickly, about how many looks they’d get for having a slight accent. About how most people weren’t accepting of them. And deep down he knew his dad was right about taking responsibility. But that knowledge did nothing to lessen the massive weight on his shoulders.

“I know,” Elias muttered in response.

Elias’ dad searched his eyes and said, “You know we only want the best for you because we know how much potential you have in that brain of yours.”

Elias gave his dad a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. His dad gave him a reassuring glance before he reopened the laptop on the desk, muttering some medical stuff to himself. Elias had no idea what any of it meant.

As Elias was about to leave, his dad asked, “The boys are here right?”

Elias nodded.

“And Even too?” his dad said, curiously raising his brows. Elias nodded again, genuinely smiling this time.

Elias’ dad beamed proudly at his son. He nodded. “That’s good to hear. Your mother left some food in the fridge for you to heat up if you want.”

At the sudden mention of food, Elias felt his stomach growling again, this time more loudly.

————

Elias walked into the kitchen only to find he wasn’t alone. Yousef was standing near the fridge, pouring himself a glass of water.

“Hey,” Elias said.

Yousef turned around and said, “What took you so long?”

“I was talking to dad about some stuff,” Elias said as nonchalantly as he could, but he knew that Yousef saw right through it.

Yousef hesitated, unsure of what to say. He filled a new glass with water and handed it to Elias. “And how did it go?”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it.” He looked up at Yousef’s worried glance. “It’s nothing,” he quickly added in assurance.

Yousef nodded slowly with a look of understanding in his eyes. Elias walked over to the fridge and took out the food his mom had left. As he placed the plate on the table, he eyed it. With a slight hesitation, he tilted his head towards Yousef who had taken his phone out, peering at it. “Hey uh- about Sana…..”

Yousef lifted his head towards him with a furrow in his brows.

“You remember what I told you the day before you left for Turkey right? Right before you were going to meet up with her?”

Yousef’s whole demeanour turned serious and thoughtful. He nodded, not knowing where this was going. Elias didn’t quite know either.

“Sana, she’s…….this isn’t just some game to her or even just a casual fling. She’s in it for the long haul, so you need to make sure that she’s it for you.”

Yousef nodded, looking earnestly at Elias. “She is.”

Elias raised his eyebrows for a second. “And you know how religious she is. You and her, it isn’t going to be easy.”

“I know.”

“I used to think no one would be good enough for Sana. But if anyone comes closest to deserving her, it’s you.”

Yousef smiled, but then Elias noticed the subtle way his eyes cast downward. He frowned. “I know I don’t deserve her. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for ever pursuing her because-”

Yousef paused and looked up at Elias, searching his eyes. Elias raised his brows in curiosity.

“Because I feel like all I’ve done is bring problems into her life.”

Elias’s expression softened. He knew that was the furthest thing from the truth. He wanted to tell him how Sana had never truly been happier than she had been this past month. How obvious it was that Yousef had impacted her life more positively than he was fully aware of.

“Yousef, if I thought that you were bad for Sana in any way, I would’ve never let you go after her in the first place.” Elias chuckled. “I love Sana more than anything and I love you. As long as you work every day to try to deserve her, it’s going to be fine, man.”

Yousef beamed at Elias. “I love you too, bro. And trust me, I will”

Elias embraced Yousef in a hug and grinned.

As they let go of each other, Elias said, “Now get me some plates before I start eating this entire fridge.”

* * *

 

**HEI BRISKEBY: A big surprise**

**1.3 Torsdag 03.08.17**

CAPTION: should’ve been thinking

“What’s up people?” Elias said from inside his car. With Adam at the steering wheel, the rest of the boys looked into the camera. Mutta was beaming as Mikael gave a mock grimace.

“As I always say, even if you’re in your sweats, not wearing any makeup, you look as beautiful as always,” Elias continued with a cheeky wink. In the back seat Mikael pointed at Elias jokingly and rolled his eyes incredulously.

Elias looked back at the boys and with a smirk, he returned to the camera. “So as you can tell,” he gestured at the car. “We’re not in my living room, we’re in my car.”

Mutta gasped. Mikael raised his palms to his face with his eyes wide open in astonishment, before he jokingly asked, “Where could we be going?”

“Yah, where are we going?” Elias repeated.

All of the boys, including Adam who was driving, counted down from 3 to 1 with a grin and they all yelled at the same time, “WE’RE PICKING UP YOUSEF FROM THE AIRPORT!”

They all gasped. “Whaaaaaaaaaaat?”

————

“So Yousef was supposed to come back in two weeks, but he just couldn’t stay away from us, so he decided to come back earlier,” Elias pouted and the boys followed suit.

Elias looked back at the boys and asked, “What time does his flight arrive again?”

Mikael looked at his phone where Yousef had sent him a photo of his ticket. “12.55”

Elias tilted his head in thought and continued, “What’s the time right now?”

“Quarter to one.”

“Fuck, we’re going to be late,” Elias replied.

He looked over at Adam expectantly. Adam looked back at him with furrowed brows. “What? I can’t go any faster.” Elias rolled his eyes in response.

Adam sighed exasperatedly and said, “At least we don’t have grandma over here at the steering wheel, or else we’d be there in a year or two,” he gestured at Mutta in the backseat.

“Hey!” Mutta crossed his arms defensively. Mikael grinned at him.

“Ok guys,” Elias began, to the camera. “We’ll be there in about 15 minutes, so what should we do in the meantime?”

————

((( Sulten - Karpe Diem )))

“Hver dag er Ramadan, la meg leve, bro.” All the boys except Mikael collectively sang as the song buzzed through the radio. Mikael grinned as he shook his head in embarrassment. Elias was in his own world, making random hand gestures that could vaguely be considered dancing.

“Brosjan, mashallah, ikke tenk, tenk.”

Mutta turned his head towards Mikael who was smirking at the boys’ weak attempt at singing. Mikael had the hood of his sweater over his head and Mutta closed the ties around his hood so that his face was slightly squished. Mikael laughed, scrunching his face up.

————

Once inside the airport, Mikael plopped down in an empty seat with the camera in hand. “So apparently Yousef died, because his flight should’ve been here 30 minutes ago.” he rested his head on his hand and pouted.

Mikael turned the camera to the rest of the guys standing a few feet away. Elias had his phone in hand while the others peered down at it expectantly.

“RIP Yousef Acar. You’ll be missed.” Mikael said mock-solemnly at the camera while he shook his head. Adam came into the shot behind Mikael and grinned. He sat down beside Mikael and sighed impatiently. “Why hasn’t his plane arrived yet?”

“The plane probably crashed.”

Adam narrowed his eyes at him and said, “Or maybe the plane got delayed.”

“Nah, that’s not realistic.”

————

Elias had the camera in hand and glanced at Mikael who was leaning back in his seat. “Mikael are you sure you have the right time or something?”

Mikael rolled his eyes with a dismissive hand wave. “Of course I have the right time, I know how to read.” He fumbled with his phone in his pocket and took it out.

Elias redirected the camera at Adam who was walking towards the boys with sandwiches in hand. “Niiice,” Elias grinned.

“Uh guys?” Mikael said, looking at his phone with a grimace. He rubbed at the nape of his neck and continued, “I’ve been looking at the departure time instead of the arrival time. His flight arrives at 15.40.”

The rest of the boys collectively groaned while Mikael grinned embarrassedly.

“Are you serious?”

“Duuude”

“Bro, what the fuck?”

————

((( Pt. 2 - Kanye West )))

They were all back in the car with Mutta at the steering wheel. Elias held the camera in his hand.

“Momma pass in Hollywood, if you ask, lost my soul.” Elias sang, in an attempt to rap his way through the first verse.

“Driving fast, lost control, off the road, jaw was broke.”

The boys sang along to all the verses, or rather yelled their way through. At the end of the third verse they counted, “3, 2, 1,” and then collectively dabbed, almost crashing into each other.

————

“So it’s-” Mutta began and checked his watch on his wrist and continued, “15.50 and we just spent the last two hours driving around because this guy over here royally messed up,” Mutta said, pointing at Mikael who was half asleep with his head leaning over Adam’s shoulder.

Elias sipped at the straw of his Coke and said, “He should be here any minute.”

The boys were seated near the airport entrance and Elias zoomed into Mikael’s sleeping face and said, “Here, my friends, is a prime example of an idiot. These types of humans must be fed and restrained at all times. These humans don’t have any impulse control and their brain cells are dying at a rapid speed.”

“You know I can hear you right?” Mikael said with closed eyes.

————

“HE’S HERE!” The boys yelled collectively in excitement. Elias zoomed into Yousef who had spotted them and started walking over. Yousef was considerably more tan than he had been before he left. He was wearing a white t-shirt and blue shorts and was sporting a huge grin. The boys quickly ran over to him and embraced him in a tight hug.

“Are you filming?” Yousef gestured at the camera as the boys let go of the hug.

“No we just brought it with us for fun,” Adam deadpanned.

“You didn’t think we’d let our viewers miss your homecoming did you?” Elias grinned.

The boys walked towards the exit of the airport while Yousef dragged his dark grey suitcase behind him.

“You guys haven’t been waiting too long, right?”

Elias looked into the camera and sighed bitterly. “If only you knew.”

————

“So Yousef, tell the viewers and us, what’ve you been doing in Turkey all summer?” Elias asked. He zoomed in and out of Yousef’s face as Yousef flashed his hundreds of different facial expressions jokingly.

Yousef crinkled his nose in response. He shrugged and said, “Every single year before I leave, I somehow keep forgetting how dull Gebze is. But yeah, it was nice. I also visited my dad’s grandparents. They’re actually doing really good, considering….” he paused. “You know…..”

Yousef was sitting in the backseat with Mutta and Mikael. Mutta put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re glad you’re back, man,” Yousef smiled softly in response.

“Sana doesn’t know I’m back right? You guys haven’t told her?”

Elias and Mutta glared at Mikael who was fumbling with the fabric of the seat in front of him as he furrowed his brows in confusion.

When he finally noticed the silence a few seconds later, Mikael looked up and saw four pair of eyes directed at him. “What? I saved your guys’ asses today. Sana’s smart, a simple we’re going to play some ball isn’t going to work on her.”

Adam snickered and directed his glance to the rearview mirror, smirking at Yousef’s bewildered expression. “She was asking too many questions and we were on the spot. I had to think quickly.”

Elias eagerly looked up from his phone and said, “Guys, Sana is going to be home soon.”

Barely able to contain his excitement, Yousef’s face lit up in a broad smile.

Elias crinkled his eyes in amusement and looked back at the camera, “So Yousef, tell us why you didn’t tell Sana you were coming back.”

Yousef pressed his lips together, shrugging nonchalantly, “I wanted to surprise her.”

The boys pouted in response as Mikael made an “awwwwww” sound, and Adam said, “I can’t wait to see the look on her face!”

Mutta chuckled at him and said, “I give it three weeks before they start proposing to each other.”

————

The boys were walking up the stairs as Elias whispered to the camera, “Okay guys, we’re almost there.”

Elias turned the camera towards the entrance door of his apartment as Yousef lightly knocked on the door before taking a step backwards. Elias turned the camera towards Yousef and said, “Remember bro. Arms length distance.” to which Yousef rolled his eyes.

A few seconds later, Sana opened the door, barely looking at them and walked away.

“Oh hey guys,” she said as she walked back towards the living room. “Mom and dad are going to be home in a few hours. Mom left some food in the kitchen to heat up,” she yelled out.

The boys looked at each other in confusion. Elias walked towards the living room with the camera in hand and Sana looked up into it with a furrow in her brows. She was wearing a light grey hijab. She laughed, as she sat down on the couch and crossed her arms. “Elias. Why are you filming me?”

The rest of the boys walked into the living room and Yousef walked in last. He was beaming at Sana, trying to meet her eyes. Finally Sana saw Yousef standing amongst the boys, looking nervous. Sana stood up abruptly and gaped at him, as she brought her hand to her mouth. She widened her eyes in shock and tried to collect herself. She took an involuntary step towards him as if she were going to hug him, but she stopped suddenly, darting her eyes towards Elias and blushed.

Sana beamed at Yousef and said, “Hey.”

“Hey.” Yousef looked back at her with a warmth in his eyes.

“What are you doing here? I- I thought you were coming back in two weeks?” Sana asked, giving him a radiant smile which Yousef promptly returned.

Yousef’s lips turned into a smirk. “I came back earlier, I told these guys not to tell you so that it could be a surprise.” He looked towards the boys who were snickering and trying to stifle their laughs.

“Surprise!” Yousef gestured.

Sana gasped and raised a finger towards Elias, “That’s why you were acting so weird earlier today?” She looked towards the camera and rolled her eyes, “And stop filming us, it’s creepy.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll fix it. I’ll cut it out,” Mikael said, winking slyly.

Sana tilted her head with narrowed eyes. “Your version of ‘fixing it’ is not the same as mine.”

Mikael grimaced slightly as he struggled to suppress his laughter.

Elias pointed the camera at himself and said, “Okay guys, that’s all for today, hope you liked the video and that you’ve missed Yousef as much as we have.” He turned to Yousef and the boys all hugged, wrapping their arms around one another.

“Sana get in here,” Elias said.

“Yeah get in here Sana,” Adam said.

Sana snorted in response, shaking her head. “No thanks”

“Suit yourself”

The boys quickly let go, grinning and patting each other on the back. Before long, they all looked into the camera.

“Later!” they yelled in unison.

* * *

 

**KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN**

**1.4 FREDAG 04.08.17 20.11**

“Whose party is this anyway?” said Mutta. He was paying close attention to the road, as he clutched the steering wheel in a controlled manner. Elias swore he had never seen a 20 year old drive more like a grandma.

It was safe to say that Elias was surprised when Sana had asked both Yousef and him to join a party. It was a stark contrast to the time Elias had to convince Sana to party with them a few months ago. But Elias suspected it had less to do with Sana wanting to spend quality time with her brother and more to do with a certain dark-haired boy.

Nonetheless, it made Elias happy. Sana wasn’t always keen on hanging out with Elias and his friends, even though they made countless attempts to get her to do so. Which probably had to do with the fact that they loved to see Elias lose to her, something Elias would never admit to.

“I have no idea,” Elias answered.

“What was the address again?”

“Torggata 11.”

 

Mutta’s forehead creased in response as he groaned. “Fuck,” Abruptly and without warning, he spun the dark grey car around. “I was supposed to go left for the intersection.”

For someone who was so careful on the road, he sure wasn’t attentive. Elias shook his head and chuckled. He got a hold of the AUX cord after battling over it with Mikael. He surfed through his spotify playlist and found the perfect song for the occasion.

((( Congratulations - Post Malone )))

The boys sang along to the song carelessly, thinking nothing of the fact that they probably sounded like screeching cats.

Elias’ attention shot to his phone suddenly, as he received an incoming message from Isabel.

Isabel: Are you going to be at Bjork’s party tonight?

“Are you still talking to that Isabel girl?” Elias heard from beside him. His head snapped up to Yousef’s questioning look and grin. Elias gave him a nonchalant shrug. He had been talking to Isabel for a few weeks now, nothing too special.

“Bro, you talk to too many girls at the same time. You’re not even going to touch them.” Adam said.

Elias merely wiggled his brows in response.

“Astaghfirullah”

Elias spread his lips into a sly smirk. “I’m just keeping my options open, there are lots of fish in the sea.”

————

Elias stepped out of the car, with the rest of the boys in tow behind him. As he walked inside the party, he was welcomed by the sound of beer bottles clinking and the excited chatter. He recognized a few people from his time at Bakka, but most of them were people he knew from Nissen as well. He muscled through the crowd before entering the living room where the majority of the guests were. He caught Sana’s eye as she was sitting with her friend, whom Elias remembered as Noora. Sana returned Elias’ smile with one of her own. As she shifted her gaze from Elias to Yousef, her smile turned into a grin so wide, Elias momentarily feared it would stretch her entire face. Elias rolled his eyes with a knowing smirk.

Elias found Even and his boyfriend Isak perched on a nearby beige couch and sat down next to them with Adam and Mikael beside him. Yousef and Mutta left to go talk to Sana and her friends.

Elias listened as the rest chattered in a comfortable manner. After the fall out with Even had subsided, Elias felt an immense relief. Things weren’t the same without Even. He had missed him and he knew that the others had as well. Seeing Even happy and carefree with the rest of them made Elias smile softly.

Even was going on about a rude customer at the café he worked at as Isak sat beside him, grinning softly. “So I kept telling her that the cheesecake had always been 87 crowns and that the prices hadn’t gone up, but for some reason she didn’t believe me–”

Elias wordlessly eyed the bottles on the table. He felt his mind drift away from the conversation, the words slowly drowning out with each passing second. After some time, he forced his attention back to the discussion at hand.

“–in Morocco. You should’ve seen the look on his face when i did a dramatic rendition of Fem fine frøkner at the karaoke place,” Even grinned at Isak who looked positively red in the face.

Mikael chuckled heartily.

Adam raised his eyebrows, shaking his head in amusement. “You guys are the worst.”

Mutta walked towards the couch with Yousef, Sana and Chris trailing behind him. “No I think that goes out to Yousef and Sana over here.” Mutta teased lightly. Elias’s mouth curved upwards at that.

In Chris’ hand were enough beer bottles to go around. She handed one over to Yousef who politely declined, informing her yet again that he didn’t drink. When she raised her eyebrows at Elias, nonverbally asking him if he wanted one, he muttered a no and shook his head.

“Oh you don’t drink either?” Chris asked him. Elias rubbed at the nape of his neck, not knowing how to answer. He pressed his lips together and shrugged in the most nonchalant way he could possibly muster. He ignored the concerned look on Yousef’s face.

Elias drew his attention back to Even and Isak who had raised their eyebrows at the connotation that anyone would dare call themselves cuter than them.

“Mutta’s right. I think Yousef’s messages to Sana take the cake,” Mikael snorted.

Sana crossed her arms and glared at Mikael as Yousef huffed in exasperation. If they had thought Elias would allow them to date without revelling in it and embarrassing them the entire way through, they were wrong. Very, very wrong.

Yousef narrowed his eyes in speculation. “You didn’t.”

“Oh, we did.” Mikael grinned devilishly.

Elias patted Yousef on the back and tried to stifle his laughter. “This guy over here straight up copied The Notebook’s lines and inserted them into messenger.”

Even winced playfully, nonverbally apologizing. “They are pretty bad,” he shrugged.

Sana pursed her lips with her eyes narrowed, shooting Elias a glare dripping with contempt which he promptly returned with a cheeky grin. “If you watched the Notebook, maybe it’d give you some pointers on how to actually get girls.”

The entire table roared with laughter while Yousef grinned at Sana proudly.

Elias huffed. “And how do you know I don’t get girls?”

The entire table looked from Elias to Sana, waiting in anticipation for the next retort as if they were watching an intense tennis game.

Sana smirked, lifting one brow higher than the other. Elias would be lying if he said he wasn’t even a tiny bit afraid of her coming retort.

Sana tilted her head in mock thought. She lifted her head confidently. Elias knew what was coming. And it was nothing good.

“I bet you can’t even pick up one girl here.”

That was it?

He had expected some sort of mission impossible scheme to come out of her mouth. He wasn’t going to brag, but he did know a thing or two about charming a girl.

Elias raised his brows incredulously. “That’s it?”

“A girl of my choosing.”

Elias’ mouth curved into an all too confident smirk. “Easy.”

Sana surveyed the room. Elias had no idea if he should be scared or not. After a few seconds, Sana’s eyes landed on a girl on the other end of the room, her lips spreading into a devilish grin, and her eyes gleaming. Sana glanced at Yousef, who looked equal parts confused and amused, with a reassuring grin.

((( Unforgettable - French Montana )))

Elias stepped off the couch and walked towards the stool where the girl was sitting. Luckily she was alone, which meant he couldn’t possibly embarrass himself too much. As he walked closer to her, he felt himself grow a bit anxious. It was different going over to a girl alone vs with the boys. Usually Yousef was always beside him as his wingman, making him look all smooth and cool. But since he was approaching her alone this time, he was filled with nerves. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the big charmer he made himself out to be. But at least he had the guts to talk to girls. That’s what really counted. Right?

She had her legs crossed as she scrolled down her phone. She was wearing dark skinny jeans and a purple tank top, long blonde hair cascaded down her back. Elias was swiftly standing beside her in seconds. He glanced at the others at the table; they all had their attention to him. Elias quickly registered Sana grinning from ear to ear. She was onto something.

“So there’s this girl.” He began. She looked up from her phone and Elias was welcomed by a pair of dark blue eyes. He put on the cheekiest smirk he could possibly muster and continued, “And I really want to dance with her. What do you think she’d say to that?”

She raised her eyebrows and said, “And where is this mystery girl?”

“She’s nearby.”

“Well then I think she’d say that she would love to. If she didn’t have a boyfriend.” She cocked her head in the direction of a guy on the other end of the room. Elias grimaced.

“Oh,” he smiled embarrassedly. She pressed her lips together amused and left the seat to go over to her boyfriend. Elias looked back at the table and saw everyone struggling to stifle their laughs. He rolled his eyes.

“I guess you got your first red card there,” Elias snapped his head up in the direction of the mysterious voice. It was a girl. He recognized her. Her full lips spread out into a bold grin.

“So you do watch our videos, stalker,” he said with a smug look, referring to their fidget spinner video, where he bragged about never having gotten a red card.

The fluorescent glow of the surrounding lamps lit up her golden brown skin. Her brown hair was in a braid with her bangs on the forefront and Elias couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over her every feature. The two times he had seen her before, she had looked downright amazing. She stirred the drink in her hand slowly.

“You know, you said your channel was called Hei Briskeby back in March, but I didn’t find it.”

Elias grimaced. He knew where this was going. He pressed his lips together.

“I said that I was going to create a channel. Big difference,” he said, matter of factly.

She narrowed her eyes, pure disbelief on her face. “Oh really?”

Okay, so maybe he had created the youtube channel for the sole purpose of impressing her. To say that the boys were surprised when he came up with the idea of making a youtube channel out of the blue, was an understatement. What started as Elias wanting to impress this girl ended up being one of the best decisions he had ever made because he genuinely enjoyed doing the videos with his boys.

“Ok, so I may have made the youtube channel to impress you.”

She raised her brows at his admission.

He rolled his eyes with a soft smile. “Now don’t get too cocky.”

She gasped and Elias swore he had never heard a more beautiful sound. “Me? Cocky? Never.”

She returned his smile with a toothy grin. His eyes gleamed. Was it too cheesy to say that he could look at her gorgeous face for all eternity and never get tired of it?

Yes.

Was it true?

Very.

“I never got your name.”

Her eyes crinkled, “Laila.”

Elias put on his most charming smile and said, “So Laila, you go to Nissen right?”

“We saw each other at your sister’s bus meeting,” she reminded him.

Elias smirked. That had been the second time they met. The first time was weeks before that, at a pregame. He remembered being immediately drawn to her. She had worn a short dress that perfectly showed off her long legs which he had spent a bit too much time noticing throughout the night. The second time, he had briefly seen her at a bus meeting that Sana had hosted. He wanted to ask what her name was, but his parents were coming home and he couldn’t let Sana get in trouble, so he stayed home to help her fix things. When Sana invited Elias to a karaoke party months ago, he had hoped he’d see her there, but he didn’t.

After that party, he had tried to get Sana to open up about what happened with those girls. He still remembered those weeks when Sana had been miserable. Coincidentally, it was the same period during which Yousef had been uncharacteristically sad as well. Eventually, she told him everything after he’d confronted her.

Safe to say, he hadn’t been too keen on Sana inviting them over for Eid a few weeks ago, but she’d insisted. What was worse was that those girls had the nerve to not even apologize to Sana. It made Elias’ blood boil at the mere thought. As he looked at the girl in front of him, with her doe eyes, full lips painted in a light pink colour, the small baby hairs peeking out from atop her hairline, he wondered if she was anything like those girls. Had she been a part of it? He hoped not. Sure she was gorgeous, but if she’d had a hand in any of that mess, his affections would immediately vanish.

Elias rubbed at the nape of his neck. “So, uh, how’s it going with those girls? Your friends I mean.”

“From the bus meeting?” She let out a sigh and continued, “I kinda stopped hanging out with them.” She paused solemnly. “I just realized that people being nice to you doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re nice people. Know what I mean?”

He nodded in understanding.

“Some stuff happened back in May and June and I just drew away from them I guess.”

He put two and two together and slowly realized what must’ve happened to make her leave her friend group. For the sake of not wanting to pry or to see her look so damn sad, he changed the subject.

“So, since you’ve been stalking our youtube channel you must’ve noticed my amazing dancing skills. You wanna see ‘em first hand?”

She raised one eyebrow and put on an enigmatic smile. “I hardly think anyone would use the word amazing to describe your so-called dancing skills.” She retorted. She threw a chip at him and giggled. “And I am not your stalker.”

Elias chuckled. “Ouch.”

“But I wouldn’t mind seeing you embarrassing yourself first hand.”

Elias found himself laughing at her every word. “Well then let’s do it.”

 


	2. WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

**LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS ENOUGH**

**2.1 Søndag 06.08.17 11.57**

**((( Youm Wara Youm - Jonas Benyoub )))**

“Dude! Kick it to me!” Mikael yelled out to Even.

All six of them were outside playing soccer on the sultry summer day in Yousef’s backyard. The relentless sunrays beat down upon Elias’ bare back as he took the position of defense and stood in front of Mikael. Elias darted his eyes from Even to Yousef who stood a few feet away from Even, readying himself to steal the ball from him.

“You’re not open. I’m not gonna throw it to you if you aren’t open to it,” said Even.

It wasn’t exactly the right weather for soccer, but the rest of the boys didn’t particularly care. Elias wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and wondered if they should’ve gone swimming instead. He looked at Even who was attempting to do some tricks with the ball. Even raised his brows and grinned at his surprisingly successful attempt. Yousef came up behind Even and quickly swooped the ball from under his feet.

“Mutta! Ball!”

Yousef passed the ball to Mutta, who stood two feet away from the goal. As he took control of the ball, he smoothly kicked it into the goal where Adam stood as goalkeeper.

“Fuuuuck!” Adam yelled in frustration.

Elias, Yousef and Mutta collectively grinned, boasting loudly.

“We win.” Elias said with a satisfied smirk. He walked over to the goal where they’d dropped their stuff. Elias picked up his shirt and used it to wipe the sweat from his upper body.

The boys walked over to Elias as Even said, “Hey, what time is it?”

“Summer time!” Mutta yelled. The boys collectively stared at him with furrowed brows before they immediately broke out in laughter as Mutta said, “What? I had to.”

Elias shook his head exasperatedly, smacking his palm against his head.

Adam threw the ball at Mutta, hitting him, as he abruptly yelled out, “Ow! What was that for?”

“What? I had to,” Adam smirked, mimicking Mutta’s words.

Elias bit his lip as he laughed at the boys. He opened up his phone, glancing at the time, as he answered Even, “It’s 1.”

Even grimaced. “Fuck, I gotta be at work soon!”

Grabbing his phone, he quickly sprinted away, hastily yelling out, “Bye guys!”

Elias waved goodbye, smiling back at Even.

“I actually have to leave too,” Mikael said. The rest of the boys nodded in agreement, packing up their stuff, getting ready to leave.

As the boys said their goodbyes and left through the front door, Elias stepped out onto the street, heading home.

As he reached his apartment building, Elias unlocked the front door and swiftly walked through the hallway into the kitchen. He picked up an apple lying in a bowl on the counter, his stomach grumbling loudly as he bit into it, trying to quell his hunger.

He rummaged through the fridge trying to find some more food to eat and found leftovers from yesterday’s dinner. Suddenly, his mom walked into the room as he was closing the fridge door, startling him.

“Shi-” Elias jumped back slightly in surprise.

Elias’ mom arched a brow at him.

He let out a nervous chuckle. “Hey mom.”

“Hi honey,” she responded as she walked further inside the kitchen, putting the grocery bag she was carrying down on the table.

Elias went to heat his food in the microwave before asking, “Where’s dad?”

“At Bilal’s.”

Bilal was his dad’s best friend from work. He was a tall, fairly lanky dude. His mustache, which beared a close resemblance to a snail, never failed to creep the hell out of Elias. Every time Bilal came to visit, he would always tell Sana and him how much they had grown since last time he’d seen them and ask them what grade they were in. Mind you, the guy visited them every few weeks. Now Elias wasn’t a scientist, but even he knew that no one could grow enough in a few weeks to make a middle aged guy with less than exceptional eyesight notice said growth. Needless to say, Bilal was a very…special guy.

While Elias waited for the microwave to finish heating his food, his mom turned to him and said, “Sana told me something the other day.”

Elias turned around to face her and narrowed his eyes in confusion. He hesitantly let out a bemused “Oh?”. He had no idea where this conversation was going.

She nodded softly, which caused Elias to visibly relax the muscles in his face. He figured, if he was in trouble, she wouldn’t be looking at him like that. “Sana told me about the vodka bottle thing from a few months ago. That it wasn’t Yousef’s.”

Elias furrowed his brows. He momentarily wondered why Sana had only now told her. But nonetheless, he didn’t see why this was relevant to him. “…So?”

Elias’ mom tilted her head with a gentle smile dangling on the corner of her lips. “Well, I thought if Yousef was drinking….. that…maybe you were too, given how close you two are.”

Elias gulped visibly with a tight-lipped smile, as his heart started beating rapidly in his chest.

“And I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for doubting you. I should’ve believed you.” She said with a faint gleam in her eyes.

Elias put on a lackluster smile, trying to hide how incredibly shitty he actually felt inside. He rubbed at the nape of his neck and turned away from his mom, avoiding her all too affectionate gaze. He didn’t deserve her apology. Not when he had lied to her face and broken her trust. But how was he supposed to tell her the truth?

Elias’ mom searched his gaze and furrowed her brows with concern. “Is something wrong?”

“N-no.” He stuttered, feigning cheerfulness. He desperately needed to change the subject. “Why were you talking about the vodka thing anyways? It happened months ago.”

She chuckled and crossed her arms. “Sana has been using every opportunity to tell me how good of a guy Yousef is. As if I don’t know that.”

“Then why are you so skeptical of her and Yousef? You know he’s a hundred times better than any muslim guy out there.”

“But he’s not muslim, Elias. Most of her friends aren’t muslim. And now Yousef. What if she loses her faith?”

Elias snorted in disbelief. He tilted his head at his mom, raising his brows. “This is Sana we’re talking about. She would never.”

“Being around non-muslims can do that to a person. You know how much she cherishes her faith.”

Elias laughed at the irony. Sure, maybe being around non-muslims could make you lose your faith. But Yousef was around muslims all the time, and he’d still lost his faith. Sana was around non-muslims and she hadn’t. Faith was something personal to an individual. Elias couldn’t presume it was always dictated by the people you surrounded yourself with. And well, he did believe. He did. But he had a hard time following the rules and guidelines, unlike Yousef.

“Mama. If someone’s strong in their faith, they won’t ever lose it.” Elias searched her face and continued, “And besides, they share the same values, anyone can see that. You know I would never encourage Yousef to go after Sana if I wasn’t sure he was good for her.”

“That’s true. But-” She hesitated. “Love isn’t always enough unfortunately.”

“If love isn’t enough in this world then what the hell is?”

* * *

**IN CONTROL**

**2.2 Tirsdag 08.08.17 13.08**

**((( If I Ruled the World - Nas )))**

“Ok but wait, what if we made a video of Adam giving tips on how to hit on girls?” Elias suggested as he and Yousef walked into the kitchen.

Yousef knit his brows together in confusion. “But Adam doesn’t know how to hit on girls?”

“Yeah that’ll be the funny part.”

Yousef tilted his head in consideration, fake-stroking his imaginary beard. “So we’d make Adam potentially embarrass himself on video?”

Elias shrugged, “Yeah.”

“Yeah let’s do it.” Yousef responded grinning.

Elias smirked as he walked towards the cupboard and fished out some chips, taking a seat next to Yousef at the table. Yousef chuckled, his eyes lighting up as he said, “Bro, remember that time in our second year when we tried to get Adam to hit on Hava in quran classes?”

Elias was shaking with laughter. Of course he remembered. Hava was a petite, brown haired girl who Adam had spent months pining after before he finally decided to do something about it. She was the same age as Adam and extremely shy. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t also an absolute know-it-all. In fact, she never hesitated to correct the others if they had gotten anything wrong in class. Of course Adam had to use the cheesiest pickup line imaginable. 

“The best thing was her response.”

Yousef narrowed his eyes in thought, “Wait what did she do again?”

“She laughed so hard she started crying.”

Yousef grimaced, recalling that conversation. Safe to say, Adam never dared to look at her again after that. In Hava’s defense, it was a pretty shitty pick up line. He had to admit, none of the boys were especially good at pickup lines. The first conversation they had together, they’d instantly connected over each others’ failed flirting attempts. 

“Bro,” Yousef’s eyes widened in sudden realization. “Remember our first year, that one party where we met?” Yousef burst out laughing as he reminisced about that night.

Elias groaned as he laughed.”Ugh.. Don’t remind me.”

Speaking of shitty pickup lines.

“You used this one line on a girl in my spanish class, what was it again?” Yousef asked.

Elias tried to remember that night. He had gone to a party with some boys in his class and tried to hit on this girl. But, it hadn’t exactly gone to plan. Afterwards, Elias had heard someone laughing at him. It was Yousef. Apparently, he’d witnessed the whole interaction. Ever since then Yousef had been his sidekick whenever he wanted to hit on a pretty girl at a party. Despite the fact that most of the time he was unsuccessful, having him by his side managed to minimize the embarrassment he felt when a girl rejected him.

“Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.” 

Needless to say his flirting methods hadn’t exactly improved much over the years. 

“Woooooow. I can’t believe that didn’t work.” Yousef said sarcastically.

Elias grimaced and rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Whatever, you’re one to talk. Have you seen the way you “flirt” with Sana?” Elias quipped, making finger quotes around the word ‘flirt’.

Yousef blushed slightly as he pressed his lips together. He was about to respond when he was interrupted by Sana, who walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face.

“Elias, I need you to get my jacket from that place we were at for last friday’s party.”

Elias furrowed his brows in confusion. “Why?”

“Because you’re my slave,” Sana said matter-of-factly.

Elias rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance. All this for a glass of water. He knew he’d regret asking her for a favor. Elias narrowed his eyes at Sana’s sly smirk. Yousef was trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.

Elias pushed off his seat and groaned loudly. Sana crossed her arms and grinned in a satisfied manner. Elias looked back at Yousef who hadn’t left his seat. “Are you coming or not?”

“Sorry bro, I gotta help my mom with some stuff in–” He checked his phone and continued. “–20 minutes.”

Elias was perfectly aware of the fact that Yousef was only staying to spend more time with Sana. And frankly, Elias had grown tired of teasing them. Okay maybe not entirely. But the way they both got so flustered whenever Elias teased them was really starting to get creepy. 

Elias walked out of the kitchen with an exasperated sigh, waving his hand as he said, “Later!”

“Elias!” Sana shouted after him.

Abruptly, he stopped in his tracks, walking back to the kitchen. “What?”

Sana rolled her eyes with her arms crossed over her chest. “You don’t even know what my jacket looks like.”

Elias paused. He furrowed his brows. “Isn’t it black?”

Sana sneered and said, “No.”

Elias swore he never saw Sana wearing anything but black at least 360 days a year. 

Elias narrowed his eyes at Sana. “Then what color is it?”

“Dark gray.” Sana said with a smirk. Elias rolled his eyes in reply. 

—————

After a fifteen minute drive, Elias had reached his destination. He remembered the address from last friday. Torggata 11. He couldn’t remember whose party it was, but when he knocked on the door and heard a muffled “come in”, he tried the handle on the door and saw that it was open. Elias hesitated before he slowly pushed the white door open, walking inside the apartment. All at once, he heard classical music drifting in through the hallway from a room to his right. He furrowed his brows, looking around. Who the hell listened to cello on a tuesday afternoon? Or anytime at all.

**((( Mischa Maisky – Bach Cello Suite No. 1 in G )))**

“Hello?” He called out. There was no answer. 

He shuffled towards the kitchen and rubbed the back of his head nervously. As he gravitated closer to the source of the music, he knocked on the door, before hesitantly nudging it open, and glanced at the person inside the room. It was none other than Laila. She was standing near the fridge with a knife in hand, cutting up a watermelon, wearing pink Mickey Mouse pajama pants and an oversized white t-shirt. Instead of her usual braid, her hair was now falling from her head in frizzy curls that enveloped her face. Elias didn’t think it was possible for her to look even better than the last few times he’d seen her, but she had proven him wrong once again.

She swiftly looked up at him and almost jumped an entire foot back, frozen in shock. “God! Fuck, you scared me!” 

Elias raised his hand to his head in embarrassment and said, “Uh, yeah sorry, I knocked earlier, and you told me to come inside….” he gestured towards the door. He saw her forehead wrinkle in confusion. Elias scolded himself internally.

“Oh! I thought you were Anja, my friend,” Laila’s gaze was fixed on Elias, the corner of her lips tilting upwards into an amused smile. “And you’re here because….” she drawled out.

“Oh yeah, uh, Sana…..my sister, forgot her jacket here. Do you live here?”

“No, my friend Anja does, I’m just sleeping over.” Laila tilted her head in thought. “And yeah, I remember the jacket she wore. It was a baggy dark grey one with a zip-up right?”

Elias furrowed his brows. “Uh, I’m pretty sure it was just black.”

Laila rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen muttering, “Boys”.

Elias followed her as she walked over to the storage room and found a black jacket, handing it to him. He watched Laila’s figure retreat from him as she made her way back to the kitchen to resume cutting up her watermelon. Elias quickly trailed behind her. She lifted her gaze towards Elias and said, “Do you always run your sister’s errands for her?”

Elias leaned against the kitchen door and said, “Only when I’m feeling extra nice.”

“You must be a great brother.”

He smirked and shrugged so as to seem nonchalant, “Oh, you know me, I try”

Laila laughed in response.

“Do you always listen to classical music when you’re cutting up watermelons in your cute Mickey Mouse pajamas?”

Laila huffed jokingly and said, “Only when there’s a boy visiting who I want to impress.”

Elias grinned. He would be lying if he said that didn’t make his face flush with heat. “Is it Mozart?” he gestured towards her phone on the table which was still playing music in the background.

Laila snorted and shook her head, “Mozart doesn’t play the cello, it’s Mischa Maisky.”

Elias nodded, pretending like he recognized the name, even though he hadn’t the slightest idea who this Mischa guy was.

“So, uh…” Elias trailed off. He dropped Sana’s jacket on the stool and walked closer to Laila and leaned over the fridge. “Did you have fun at the party last Friday?”

“Yeah I did, your friends are hilarious, although I knew Isak from before. He dated one of the girls I used to be friends with.”

Elias’ forehead creased in surprise. He snorted at the thought. Must’ve been an interesting relationship to say the least.

“And how were you feeling the day after? Not too hungover?” he asked her curiously.

Laila furrowed her eyebrows but quickly tried to look more casual, “Uh, no I don’t drink.”

Elias raised his brows momentarily. “Oh? Why not?”

Laila frowned and fixed her gaze at the cupboard in front of her. “It makes me feel out of control,” she said softly.

“Do you like being in control?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” She said as she looked up at Elias with a questioning stare.

Elias avoided her intense gaze as he looked down at the ground and said, “Feeling out of control is the basis of alcohol’s appeal to some people.”

Laila bit her lip in thought, on the verge of replying, before she looked down at the watermelon and pouted. “Look at this watermelon.”

Elias peered down at the watermelon and snickered. It was almost completely devoid of color. He grimaced and said, “You know you always have to knock on it a bit to-“

“To see if it’s hollow or dull so you can tell if it’s ripe. I know, I did,” she said exasperatedly.

His eyes crinkled as a smile played at the corners of his mouth, “Well I guess you can’t control everything, right?”

Laila raised her brows and laughed, “True.”

In the midst of their collective laughs, Laila’s phone started ringing audibly, silencing her music. She walked over to it and answered the call. “Hey!” She paused, listening to the voice on the other end. “Are you going to be home soon? I have to be at work in like, an hour.”

“Ok, great.” Laila tapped her fingernails on the cupboard behind her as she listened. She burst into laughter and gasped. “Are you kidding me? Ok, you need to tell me more when you get home.” 

Laila looked up at Elias who averted his gaze as soon as their eyes met, suddenly pretending to be interested in a plant that sat at the corner of the kitchen.

She stifled a laugh at that, “Ok, I need to go now, bye Anja.”

Laila gave Elias an apologetic look, “Sorry, that was my friend.”

Elias shook off her apology, “No worries, where do you work?”

“The library.” she shrugged. “It’s pretty boring, but it pays well. Do you have a job?”

Elias frowned and shook his head, “No, I need one though.” 

Laila looked down at the watermelon then back up at him. “I could get you one?”

Elias’ ears perked up at that. “Really?” 

Laila smiled eagerly and nodded a little, “Sure! Two people just quit so they’re basically desperate for staff.” 

Elias smiled brightly at her, “That would be awesome!” 

The possibility of landing a job was amazing enough on its own, but what made Elias especially excited was the chance to spend more time with Laila.

* * *

**WHERE ARE YOU FROM?**

**2.3 Torsdag 10.08.17 16.24**

He shuffled back and forth, hands wringing together in what could only be described as a fit of nervousness. In an attempt to decrease his blatant anxiety towards his upcoming job interview, he slowly breathed in and out, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

There was so much riding on this. This was his chance to finally show his parents, to show everyone, really, that he could be responsible. That he was so much more than just the middle child who laid around and lived off of his parents.

Ever since he took that gap year he never heard the end of it. The remarks, the teasing. It was subtle, but it still stung nonetheless. He knew it was laced with a bit of truth. Elias was resolved to not be perceived as lazy anymore.  
  
With a deep breath, Elias pulled open the door to the library and approached the woman sitting at the front desk.

“Hi, I’m here for a job interview.” Elias said.

The older woman looked up from whatever she was staring at on the computer screen and barely gave Elias a glance before her eyes returned to the screen.

She pointed to a door across the library, “That’s Kjell’s office, he’ll be doing your interview, “ the woman said.

He nodded and slowly walked over to the office on the other side of the library. Elias hesitated a little, before he thought, ‘fuck it’, and brought his hand up to knock on the closed door.

Elias heard someone shuffling around on the other side of the door.

As the door opened, he was welcomed by a man, probably in his 40’s wearing darkwashed jeans and a light grey button-down shirt. He looked quite young for his age, but the wrinkles on his forehead were telling. He looked Elias up and down and smiled politely.

Elias smiled in return and held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Elias.”

The man gave him a lackluster smile and shook his hand. “Hello, I’m Kjell.”

He pulled the door open wider and cocked his head towards the office. He ambled away and sat down in his chair. He was sitting behind a grey table with his laptop positioned at the far end.

Elias stood straighter and sallied forth confidently. Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

Kjell motioned to the seat in front of him and said, “Come on, sit down.”

Kjell had a sort of relaxed and casual feel to him. Elias smiled and felt the previous uneasiness quickly dissolve. Maybe this would turn out good. Kjell was looking through the resumé Elias had sent him the day before. It wasn’t a lengthy resumé to say the least.

“So this is your first job?”

Elias nodded.

Kjell pursed his lips very slightly. He looked at the resumé and then narrowed his eyes. He whispered something incoherent under his breath and paused. He threw the resumé on the ground and turned his head towards Elias.

Elias raised his brows.

“I want to know more about you. What do you want out of this job? Why should we hire you?”

Elias let out an uneasy breath and said, “I can get the job done. I’m flexible and good with work hours since I’m on a gap year.”

Kjell nodded.

Elias wasn’t sure if this was going well or not. “You said you were on a gap year. Are you starting school again this September?”

Elias shook his head.

“What are you planning on doing after your gap year?”

Elias paused. He wasn’t sure he knew that himself. “I, uh, I’m just seeing how things go right now.”

“And Elias, where are you from?”

Elias furrowed his brows. He didn’t entirely see why that mattered. “Oslo”.

Kjell snorted and rolled his eyes nonchalantly. “Yeah but before that.”

“Oslo.” Elias said with a bit of an edge to his voice.

“I’m sensing a bit of a Middle Eastern thing here. Afghanistan perhaps?”

Elias went bug-eyed. “What? No? Afghanistan isn’t even in the Middle East?”

Kjell raised his brows at that. He tilted his head as if in deep thought and rubbed a hand over his dark stubble. Elias pressed his lips together and waited for Kjell to continue the questions. He furrowed his brows at Kjell who looked as if someone had told him the world wasn’t round. He went to look it up on his laptop.

Elias tapped his feet and fiddled with the buttons of his shirt.

After a few moments, Kjell raised his brows and looked up at Elias in astonishment. “You’re right!”

Elias didn’t know whether he should laugh or… well he really felt like laughing at the absurdity of this interview.

Kjell turned away from the laptop and back at Elias in a significantly more serious manner. “So, Elias, why do you want to work in a library?”

Shit. What was the answer to that?

Elias stuttered, which he was sure didn’t exactly help. “Uh, I like books.”

What? I like books? He mentally berated himself for saying that. Who the hell said that? He was sure there was no coming back from that.

Kjell narrowed his eyes at him in disbelief and smiled at him. He nodded slowly and said, “So do you think you’re the guy for the job?”

Elias nodded and said, “Yeah….?” although it came out more like a question.

Kjell hummed to himself and slapped his hands to his thighs before he stood up from his chair. “Thank you for coming, Elias,” he gestured towards the door with his hand and waited for Elias to get up.

Elias pressed his lips together, trying to muster his most polite smile. “Thank you for your time,” his hand reached out to shake his once again.

Elias walked out of the door not knowing what the hell just happened.

* * *

**JUST FRIENDS**

**2.4 Fredag 11.08.17 20.10  
**

**((( FEEL. - Kendrick Lamar )))**

Elias was sitting on his bed wearing grey sweatpants and a hoodie; the glow from the laptop in front of him the only thing that illuminated his dimly lit room. He was scrolling through Facebook, doing nothing in particular, when his phone pinged with a text message from Yousef.

**Yousef: Are you OK? What’s wrong?**

Elias sighed. After having turned down every offer to hang out from the boys earlier, he figured they must’ve noticed something was off.

He frowned at the question. What was wrong? Well he hadn’t gotten the job. He felt stupid for even trying. That was all he did. Tried and failed. He thought about the countless job interviews he had gone to, the numerous courses he’d taken. Nothing had worked out. Everyone always told him to be patient and something would turn up. But what were you supposed to do when after endless attempts, it still felt like nothing was happening? After staring at his phone for a good five minutes, he typed out a response.

**Elias: Nothing’s wrong**

He waited. There was no reply.

\----------

Ten minutes later, he heard a knock on the front door. He groaned, remembering he was the only one at home. He pushed his laptop away and went to open the door. Elias had a sneaking suspicion it was probably the boys, and sure enough, it was. They waltzed inside as Elias opened the door and greeted him wholeheartedly, following him back into his room.

“Dude come on, let’s do something,” Mutta yelled out as Elias turned on the lights.

Elias rolled his eyes at the boys’ concerned looks. “I just don’t feel like going out, that’s all.”

Adam huffed exasperatedly. “Well then...I guess we’ll have to go and dance all on our own without you laughing at us.”

“I even learned a new move just for tonight.” Mutta said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Even wrinkled his forehead and said, “You mean I taught you bro.”

Elias gave a half-laugh before shaking his head. He eyed the lamp by the bedside table and hesitated before saying, “I applied for this job and...I didn’t get it.” He rubbed the back of his head dejectedly.

The boys’ expressions softened. Mikael pat him on the back and Elias pressed his lips together. He felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders from telling the boys, but there was still a slight strain.

“Should’ve changed your last name bro,” Adam snorted and the others collectively chuckled.

He gave them a lackluster smile, internally wishing he was off somewhere, getting completely shitfaced and forgetting everything. But he obviously wasn’t going to do that with the boys around.

Elias hesitated before saying, “Guys... I’m just gonna stay home ton-” But he was interrupted as his phone buzzed in his hand. It was a message from Laila.

**Laila: There’s a party tonight if you wanna come**

Elias smiled to himself. Then again, the idea of going out with the boys didn’t seem like such a bad idea. Just as he was about to answer, he got another message.

**Laila: Figured you’d need some cheering up**

**Elias: I’m in. Hope you’re good at cheering people up ;)**

**Laila: Only the best ;)**

He looked up at the boys and snorted at their confused facial expressions, “Ok then. Let’s do it.”

\-----------

**((( Or Nah feat. The Weeknd - Ty Dolla Sign )))**

As they reached the club’s entrance, Elias stepped through the door with the boys in tow behind him. The fluorescent lights and the loud music immediately engulfed his senses. He looked back at the boys and gave a cocky wink and sailed forth. He followed Mikael, who walked over to the bar to order a drink and searched the crowd, trying to find Laila.

Suddenly, a powerful force knocked Elias sideways as someone haphazardly barged into him. He glanced to his left and saw Isabel looking completely and utterly shitfaced. She swayed uneasily before keeling over. She giggled as she pushed herself up onto him and Elias smiled nervously, leaning backwards slightly.

Mikael got his drink and gestured to the table where the rest of the boys were sitting. Elias nodded in response.

“Hey, uh, are you OK?” Elias yelled in order for her to hear him over the loud music.

Isabel nodded vigorously at him. She gave him a lazy smile, her cheeks flushed and her eyes droopy. Elias put her arm around his shoulder, dragging her towards the bar so she could sit down.

Elias’ brows knitted in a frown as he looked at Isabel. He wondered where her friends were. Surely someone had to take her home; she was in no state to be left alone. She looked up at him from heavily-lidded eyes and gripped his shoulder tightly.

“You know--” she hiccupped “--you’re not coooool,” she slurred, jabbing a finger into his chest.

Elias narrowed his eyes in confusion as he snorted. “Why not?”

“Because underneath the--” she giggled as she pointed at his furrowed brows and mimicked his facial expression “--cool facade is a good guy.” Isabel smiled up at him. She tilted her head and leaned closer to him, placing her hands on his neck.

Elias backed away a few inches as she drew her face closer to him, her eyes falling shut. He twisted his mouth, grimacing slightly as he turned his head away from Isabel and removed her hands from the nape of his neck. Eventually, he glanced back at her with a tight-lipped smile. “Look, uh, Isabel we’re--”

**((( Fallingforyou - The 1975 )))**

Suddenly, he felt every last breath leave his body as he caught Laila walking towards them in his peripheral vision. His heartbeat quickened at the sight of her toothy grin. She ambled towards them, wearing denim jeans and a sleeveless light pink top.

Elias’ staring was briefly interrupted by the humming of Isabel beside him. “We’re what?” But Elias was barely listening, unable to tear his gaze away from Laila.

“We’re friends right?” He said absentmindedly to Isabel, still not looking at her.

Laila walked closer to them as her eyes darted between Isabel and Elias. She furrowed her brows in confusion.

“But I don’t want to be friends,” Elias heard from beside him.

The sounds of nearby voices seemed to blur together as he gazed into Laila’s almond-shaped eyes. The thumping music and the clink of beer bottles gradually faded away from him. In that instant, nothing else mattered as all he could see was her.

From out of nowhere, the sound of violent retching drew Elias back to his surroundings. He whipped his head towards Isabel as she upended the contents of her stomach onto the seat beside her. She let out a soft groan, shakily wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

Elias’s eyes widened as he frantically yelled for the bartender. Laila ran over to Isabel’s seat and grimaced, covering her mouth.

Elias made eye contact with Laila who raised her brows, biting her lip in an attempt to stifle her laugh at his bewildered expression. Beside them, Isabel collapsed in a stupor. Elias quickly put her arm around his shoulder and whispered under his breath in frustration, “Where the hell are her friends?”

After what felt like hours, her friends finally appeared. Mette and Ulla, whom he knew from Bakka, battled their way through the crowd. “Oh my god, Elias, what the hell happened?” Ulla said. Elias shrugged with a stunned expression on his face. The girls wrapped Isabel’s arms around their shoulders, lifting her up, and smiled at Elias. Mette shook her head and said, “Thanks for keeping her company.” Elias smiled back.

Elias turned towards Laila who was watching the girls lumber across the dance floor. He gazed at her pink lips slightly turned upward into an amused smile. His eyes trailed along the curve of her jawline and down her neck. He desperately wanted to kiss her. He imagined the feel of his lips pressed against hers, her mouth moving against his.

“Elias?” Laila raised her eyebrows. Elias looked upward, meeting her eyes, and felt his cheeks reddening. He wondered how long he’d zoned out. He slammed his eyes shut, in embarrassment.

“What?” Laila grinned at him.

Elias rubbed at the nape of his neck, looking anywhere but at her. “What?”

Laila narrowed her eyes at him. “You have this look on your face.”

With a flustered expression, he shrugged outlandishly. “It’s nothing... uh, let’s go find the others.”

\-------------

**((( This Is What You Came For - Rihanna )))**

Elias sat down on the couch next to the rest of the boys. Laila’s friend Anja and her boyfriend had joined them and were attempting to talk over the blaring music. Elias listlessly slouched down in his seat, barely paying attention to the conversation in front of him. He looked up and saw Laila staring back at him. Blushing, he immediately looked away. His breath quickened as he licked his lips.

If she’s looking my way, I’ll ask her to dance with me.

He glanced at her, trying to seem nonchalant, but she was too busy eyeing the table. A few seconds later, she looked back at him with a shy smile. His heart leapt in his throat.

He motioned his head towards the dance floor, nonverbally asking her to dance with him. She narrowed her eyes speculatively and then nodded with a smile dangling at the corner of her lips. She took his hand in hers as she led him away from the others.

As the strobe lights flashed on and off, illuminating the dance floor, Elias watched Laila’s body sway to the music, perfectly in tune with the beat. Elias and Laila kept their eyes locked on each other for the entirety of the song. Heat radiated between them as they moved in sync, mere inches away from each other. In that moment, Elias felt completely at ease.

She was grinning with a joyful spark in her eyes. As the music slowed, he grasped her waist and pulled her to him. He gulped as her eyes traveled down to his lips. Time stopped, as if they were the only two people on the dance floor. He could hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest. She looked up at him with a mixture of doubt and need. Elias could feel her warm breath on his cheek as she slid her hand up his chest. She ever so slightly leaned her face closer to him.

As their lips were about to meet, Elias felt her stiffen in his arms. A group of boys no younger than Laila walked by her, grinning at each other. Elias swore he saw a hand squeeze Laila’s butt. Elias’ face twisted in anger as he felt the sudden need to break that arm. He clenched his fist as rage swept through him. 

“Dude what the hell?” He yelled out.

Fear flashed through the eyes of the boy in the front. The boys behind him gulped visibly as they darted their eyes from the boy to Elias. The boy in the front looked back at the boys, feigning confidence. Elias inhaled a deep breath, then blew out slowly trying to calm himself.

“Bro,” the boy shrugged and grinned slyly. “Don’t tell me you don’t want a piece of that ass too.”

Elias didn’t think. Couldn’t think. He lunged forward and took a hard blow at the boy’s jawline. He avoided one flying fist, only to collide with another. His heart thudded in his chest.

He vaguely heard Laila shouting, “Elias!”  

Elias tasted blood inside his mouth. He launched himself at the boy and took him by the collar. As he raised his fist to him, Elias turned and saw Laila running away. All at once, he came back to reality. He released the boy from his grip and ran to follow her. He felt gutted and hollow inside.

Laila walked out of the backdoor of the club and Elias barged ahead through the crowd trying to reach her before she was gone. He was panting and didn’t even bother looking back at the boys he had been fighting. He ignored the twinging pain in his fist. When he reached the door, he flung it open and saw Laila sitting on a bench.

Elias ran over to her and noticed her breathing was rapid and shallow. She was holding her hand to her chest, as if it was aching. She looked up at Elias and he saw her eyes were filled with tears. She leapt out of her seat before slowly slumping back down in a fit. Elias strode forward with his forehead creased in concern and kneeled in front of her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He said gently trying to catch her eye. Laila noticeably shivered, large ragged breaths coming out in uneven bursts. Elias was about to place his hand on her back, but remembering the countless panic attacks Sana had had in middle school, he immediately stopped. That wasn’t the right thing to do.

He recalled the lessons he had learned from Sana’s panic attacks. Keep calm. No pressure. No touching. Encourage breathing.

“Ok, ok. breathe with me.” He said softly. He counted to two on the inhale and to two on the exhale. He repeated that multiple times until he heard Laila’s breathing slowly return back to normal.

Laila looked at him as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Elias gently grazed the tear away with his thumb and said, “Are you okay?”

The muscles in her face tightened as she gave him a troubled frown. She glanced at his lips and then promptly stood up. She shook her head and said, “I- I need to leave.”

Elias frowned as he quickly stood up. He watched her retreating figure as he said, “What? What’s wrong?” he called back to her.

She paused and turned around to look at him. She shook her head in frustration and said, “Why did you do that?”

His stomach dropped. “Because that guy was being an asshole to you!”

“So? You don’t think that happens all the fucking time for girls like me? I don’t need saving, I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself.”

“I’m not trying to save you. Just because it happens doesn’t mean you should be okay with it!”

“I never said I was okay with it. But what’s the alternative? Being the angry black woman they all expect me to be? Throwing a fist around doesn’t solve anything Elias.” Her voice wasn’t filled with anger, it was filled with disappointment, which was undoubtedly worse. She sighed exasperatedly and continued, “People are shitty and selfish, there’s not much we can do about that.”

Elias huffed. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. People aren’t inherently shitty, it’s learned.”

Laila stood several feet away. She opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, but she abruptly stopped herself. She lowered her eyes, hesitantly turning away from him.

“I- I have to go, I’m sorry.” she said.

 

 

 

 


	3. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?

**LAILA**

**3.1 Søndag 13.08.17 12.08**

**[((( I Won’t Mind - Zayn Malik )))](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DH2DXh37RL5M&t=YmJhYWU4M2MyY2Q0MzRmM2NkOTc2YmU1NmI2YjJlMGEzYjRmMjY2NCw1OFpDNVN1VA%3D%3D&b=t%3A7X9rUrOB-7BZdD7JUXwlUg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fskamelias.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F164130745895%2Flaila&m=1) **

Elias raised his hands to his face, rubbing his tired eyes. The last few nights he had been tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. Instead of catching up on much needed rest, he had spent the entirety of his day in bed, scrolling through Facebook. All he could think about was Laila. He felt like the world’s biggest idiot. He couldn’t believe he’d tried to act like the big hero and thrown a punch for a girl who ended up getting mad at him for that very reason.

He thought about what Laila had said.

People are shitty and selfish, there’s nothing we can do about it.

Did she really think that? Elias had never seen himself as an optimist; rather a realist. But he was certain that most people had good intentions deep down. It saddened him that Laila was so convinced that people were inherently self-serving.

He had thought something was going to happen between them last Friday. But no, that asshole had crossed the line, making Elias in turn act like an idiot. He had felt a weird twist in his stomach ever since that night. Some of it from exhaustion, but mostly from guilt. He needed to fix things. He couldn’t bear having Laila be mad at him.

Elias searched Laila’s name under his list of friends on Facebook and found her profile. She’d added him a while ago, the day she told him about the library job, and they’d chatted for a while on and off again.

Elias scrolled through her pictures on her profile. The first picture was of her at a party, smiling brightly into the camera; her hair in her signature braid. The second picture was of her and a blond haired girl he vaguely recognized from Sana’s bus meeting. Laila was smiling with her head tilted towards her friend, a bright gleam in her eyes. She was wearing a black turtleneck, sporting a pepsi max bottle in her hand. Elias clicked on all the pictures of Laila smiling. Elias hated that he had been the reason for her unhappiness that night.

Was this how it ended?

Their friendship that is. Or whatever the hell it was. They had met on so many random occasions that it almost felt like fate. But was it all over just like that? Elias couldn’t deny that he felt drawn to her. Somehow, he felt like they were supposed to meet. He sighed as he thought back to the relatively few moments they’d spent together.

Elias was mentally berating himself once again for the way he had acted when he heard voices drift in through the crack in his door. He recognized them; it was his mom and Sana. As they moved further away from his bedroom, their voices grew exponentially lower. Elias got up off his bed and went to the door to listen more closely, straining his ear to hear what they were saying.

“I like him, Mama. Maybe even love him. He supports me in my faith and respects my beliefs. He doesn’t push my boundaries. But–” Elias heard a slight pause. “–I sometimes worry that we’re too different.”

Elias furrowed his brows.

“I know, honey. Love isn’t everything in a relationship. I’m sure Yousef will support you, I know he’s a good person, but there are obviously things you’ll miss out on. Like waking up together to pray or breaking your fast together during Ramadan. And if your husband isn’t Muslim, would he want your kids to be raised in the Islamic faith? This is all something you have to talk about with Yousef. Have you told him how you feel? About your doubts? Communication is just as important as trust.”

Sana’s silence filled the hallways. “I haven’t.”

Elias heard his mom sigh. “Sana….,” she slightly hesitated, “You need to share these doubts with Yousef. I know when you’re young it seems like you have life all figured out. But if you’re so adamant on your feelings for Yousef, he needs to know these things.”

“I know.” Sana said, her voice grew noticeably softer.

“Yousef’s a good guy, he’ll listen.”

Elias heard Sana pause. “How did you go from ‘I don’t like you spending time with Yousef’ to ‘Yousef is a good guy’?” she laughed aloud.

Elias’ mom chuckled heartily. “Can’t I have a change of heart?”

Elias moved away from the door, processing what he’d just heard. He had known that it would be complicated between Yousef and Sana, but they would make it work; if anyone could, it was those two. They were perfect.

He thought about what his mom said again. Communication is just as important as trust. He needed to show Laila she could trust him. But how did he go about doing that? There was so much he didn’t know about her.

He mulled over these thoughts in his head, as he laid down on his bed, letting his eyes fall closed. He wondered why she’d reacted the way she had last friday. Was that guy someone she knew? An ex boyfriend maybe? She had mentioned that she liked to be in control. Maybe she didn’t like when people fought her battles for her? To say that Elias was confused, was an understatement. The one thing he knew for sure was that he had to make it up to her.

* * *

**EMPTY**

**3.2 Mandag 14.08.17 15.49**

**((( She’s Mine Pt. 1 - J. Cole )))**

“Dude you sexted each other?” Mutta asked Adam, his eyes widening in shock.

Adam was vividly narrating his encounter with a girl he’d hooked up with at last Friday’s party. Apparently Even had been his wing man, which had led to Adam and whoever the girl was finding the nearest bedroom and doing the deed. As if it wasn’t already obvious, Adam was incredibly romantic.

Even grinned and raised his hand for Adam to high-five.

Adam wiggled his brows suggestively and smirked before he said, “Yeah.”

Adam continued his story of how he and the girl, whose name was apparently Ulrikke, had sexted the night before. Elias found it incredibly hard to focus on the conversation at hand, only half listening to Adam as intrusive thoughts of Laila came to mind.

He fumbled with the pocket of his dark grey jeans and grabbed his phone. He opened messenger and contemplated whether or not to text her something. Suddenly, Elias’ heart beat rapidly in his chest as he saw grey text bubbles appear next to her name. He fumbled with his phone, almost dropping it as he immediately closed the app. The last thing he wanted was for her to know that he was basically internet stalking her. Elias smiled to himself at the thought of Laila texting him right at this moment. He waited for her text, but as he opened messenger again, the grey text bubbles had disappeared.

He opened up Instagram and searched her name. He found her profile, taking note of the fact that he wasn’t following her yet. It probably wasn’t the best time to follow her right now.

He scrolled through her pictures and clicked on some vacation photos from both summer 2016 and 2015 in Kenya. Elias scrolled down further before he saw one picture from 2014 of Laila sporting a huge grin with two adults standing next to her, who he presumed were her parents. A beautiful orange sunset framed the background of the picture and the location was set to South Africa.

“Wait a sec, let me show you,” Adam said, reaching for his phone in his pocket.

“Dude you’re not gonna show us the nudes are you?” Mikael said with furrowed brows.

“No of course not you idiot.”

As Elias was about to scroll down further, he tapped the edge of the photo, accidentally liking the picture. He stiffened.

“Shit!” he yelled out, causing the boys to stare at him with bewildered expressions. He quickly unliked the photo and rubbed at the nape of his neck. But it was too late. She’d probably received the notification on her phone already. He felt like hitting himself in the head a few million times. The guys gave him a questioning look. He shook his head quietly.

Adam peered down at his phone and sighed. “It’s out of battery. Elias let me borrow yours.” He gestured towards Elias’ phone. He handed it over to Adam begrudgingly.

After a few seconds, Adam looked up and raised his brows with a grin. “Have you been stalking Laila?”

Adam turned the phone around so it was facing the boys. The screen was open to the Facebook app, displaying Laila as the latest search. Elias scowled at Adam before abruptly tilting his head away from the guys, avoiding their eyes. He knew exactly what was coming.

“What’s up with you two?”

Elias licked his lips in nervousness. He had no idea how to answer that. They weren’t a thing. He wasn’t even sure if they were friends now. “I- I think I like her.”

Mikael snorted as if Elias was joking. Elias squinted his eyes at Mikael and pressed his lips together. As Mikael saw Elias’ solemn expression his grin faltered. “Oh! You weren’t kidding…”

Mutta tilted his head in thought. “How do you know you like her?”

“I don’t know. She just–” Elias bit his lip. He fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie “–She just makes me feel stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“I don’t know?” Elias threw his hands up in frustration.

What did he feel?

He remembered the first time he had seen her, months ago. And then briefly at Sana’s bus meeting. And then two weeks ago. And he remembered seeing her in her pyjamas listening to classical music on a Tuesday afternoon. He remembered dancing with her, the feel of her body against his. He remembered her face when those boys had harassed her. He remembered her body shaking when she couldn’t breathe. He remembered the single tear that escaped her eye as she walked away from him.

“I feel… excitement, nervousness, happiness, curiosity, at ease, anger, sympathy, crushed.”

They all collectively gaped at him. Elias had never felt like this, let alone shared those feelings with anyone.

Elias glanced at Mutta who was looking back at him pensively.

Finally Yousef broke the silence as he turned to Elias and asked, “What do you feel now?”

Elias slouched down further in his seat and sighed. “Empty?”

“Dude. That’s deep,” Mikael said. Adam grinned at Mikael in response. Elias rolled his eyes as Mikael shrugged in amusement.

Yousef tilted his head and asked, “What even happened between you two last Friday? She just stormed out of there.”

Elias’ mouth twisted into a grimace as he sighed, “I was an idiot, and now she’s mad at me.”

“Well…do you regret it?”

“Yeah,” Elias said sincerely, as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

Yousef rolled his eyes, “Then make it up to her. As long as you regret it, nothing is unforgivable.”

It’s not like Elias hadn’t thought of that. But how would he make it up to her? The one thing he loathed was hurting people, especially if it was someone like Laila. It was unbearable.

“But how?”

“Just do whatever you have to do. Even if it means being desperate,” Even offered.

Elias’ forehead puckered in dismay. He wasn’t sure if that was good advice at all.

* * *

**HEAL**

**3.3 Onsdag 16.08.17 15.13**

**((( Look Into My Eyes - Outlandish )))**

Elias flung himself onto the brown couch in his living room, closing his eyes in exhaustion. He’d just gotten home from a long basketball session with Yousef. He heard his parents’ voices drift in from the entryway. Abruptly, Elias’ mom whisked into the living room with some clothes in her arms and a large duffle bag on her shoulder. She hastily walked over to the table in the corner, handing a few clothes to his dad.

“Remind me we need to buy some food for them on the way there,” his mom said, her lips set in a grim line. She frantically paced from one end of the room to the other, listing off last minute tasks aloud. Elias could practically feel the tension radiating off of her.

Elias furrowed his brows in confusion. He swiftly rose from the couch as he said, “What’s wrong?”

Elias’ dad wrinkled his forehead, sighing before he placed his hands on his mom’s shoulders, massaging them gently in an attempt to get her to relax.

She groaned in frustration and answered, “It’s your aunt, she had another stroke. We’re going to Gjøvik to see her.”

Elias raised his brows. His aunt who lived in Gjøvik had always had trouble with her health for as long as he could remember. This wasn’t the first stroke she’d had in her lifetime. And it probably wouldn’t be the last. His heart ached at the thought of her in pain.

Elias’ dad whispered softly to his mom, “It’s okay. The doctor said it was okay,” trying to reassure her, to no avail.

She bit her lip as her forehead creased in worry. “How many times is she going to have these strokes before she starts actually listening to me and changes her diet?”

“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, okhti.”

Elias’ mom threw her hands up in frustration as she began pacing back and forth once again, ordering her husband to do the same. Elias snorted at he watched his dad walk around like a helpless puppy without any direction, following her frenzied steps.

Finally, when his mom decided they had everything and the rest they would do on the way there, they put on their jackets and strode towards the door. Elias’ mom put on the biggest smile she could muster, although he knew it didn’t match her mood on the inside. She had always been an anxious person.

“Sana!” Elias’ mom called for her. Sana traipsed into the living room and hugged her parents goodbye.

Their mom opened the front door with her luggage in hand and looked back at her husband who was carrying two suitcases. Elias shook his head at the amount of bags they were taking, even though they were only going away for a few days. No doubt, his mom had packed most of it; she was known for over-packing.

Elias hugged his parents as his mom kissed him on the cheek. “Make sure to pray for your khalti, okay?” she said addressing both Sana and him.

Sana smiled softly and nodded. Elias gulped uneasily as he hesitantly nodded.

After they said their goodbyes, Elias slowly trudged inside his bathroom. He was about to perform wudu. He looked himself in the mirror, hardly recognizing his reflection. His eyes were framed with dark circles, his face a pale shade of light brown. It had been too long, he told himself. He remembered when he used to pray more than five times a day, completing the optional salahs as well. But during the final semester of his last year of school it became more of a rarity than a regularity. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had prayed. It had to have been a few weeks at the very least.

Elias wanted to pray for his aunt. He wanted to pray for guidance about Laila. But most of all, he wanted to pray for forgiveness. He sighed. But that was selfish. He couldn’t abstain from praying and then only pray when he needed something.

Elias’ brows knit into a frown as he shook his head at his idiocy. If he wasn’t going to pray for himself, he needed to pray for his aunt.

**((( Heal - Tom Odell )))**

He cleaned himself, his hands shaking slightly as he washed his face. As the water dripped down from the faucet in a steady burst, he felt his breath grow more shallow.

“I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah alone; He is One; He has no partner and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.”

Finally, he turned the water off and made his way to his bedroom. He eyed the prayer rug that sat collecting dust on top of his dresser. He stiffened as he came to a realisation. What if after all this time he had forgotten what to say? He’d never abstained from praying for such a long period in his life. He felt an ache in his lower stomach at the mere thought of forgetting how to pray.

He hesitantly took out the prayer rug and placed it on the floor, positioning it in the direction of Mecca. He decided to do a sunnah prayer. His heart beat erratically and his chest filled with nerves. He stepped onto the mat, releasing a huge breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Suddenly, it all came back to him in a rush of familiarity. He closed his eyes, feeling a calm settle over him. He was delighted to know that he hadn’t actually forgotten how to pray.

He prostrated for the first time in the prayer, falling onto his knees as he bent his head low, touching the ground. Gradually, he felt a slight weight lift off his shoulders. He held himself in this position for a full minute, revelling in how content he felt in that moment.

As he lifted his head up from the ground, he rose into a sitting position, tucking his legs underneath him. His heart strained as he recited the verse to himself.

“Our Lord. Forgive us our sins and efface our bad deeds and take our souls in the company of the righteous.”

Elias repeated that same sentence in Arabic over and over until he felt significantly lighter. He felt a lump well up in his throat. A desperate need for release in the form of tears flooded through him, but none came out.

Unbidden thoughts flashed through his mind. His last year in high school, praying with Yousef at the mosque. Praying with his family at 2am during Ramadan a few years ago. The countless other times he had prayed in his life. An onset of nostalgia swept over him as he remembered how much he loved praying.

He prayed for his aunt. He prayed for Sana and Yousef. He prayed for guidance on Laila. And lastly, he prayed for forgiveness. Even though he knew he didn’t deserve it.

As he was about to finish his prayer, he heard Sana call out for him. After a few seconds she barged into his bedroom and stiffened as she saw him mid prayer. She muttered her apologies and quickly left his room.

Elias sighed at Sana’s disappearance. She was no doubt shocked to her core at seeing him pray again. He moved his head from one side to the other, expelling his breath and finished his prayer.

He grabbed hold of the prayer rug, feeling incredibly…different.

It was a good different.

He couldn’t quite explain it.

**((( Love On The Brain - Rihanna )))**

Elias walked out of his room and was met with a jubilant Sana beaming at him. Elias furrowed his brows and rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Sorry, uh, I was just praying,” he said hesitantly, not sure why he was even apologizing in the first place.

Sana nodded with a soft smile playing at the corner of her lips. Elias felt compelled to roll his eyes at her. She could at the very least try to hide her blatant happiness at seeing him praying. They never talked about it, but Elias knew that she was worried about him.

Sana motioned towards the kitchen and said, “I heated some food for us.”

She ambled away and Elias followed her. As they walked inside the kitchen, Elias gathered up plates and spoons for them. Elias looked back at Sana who was standing next to the fridge, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. She was peeling carrots, dragging the peeler toward herself, using her thumb to guide her.

They worked together in comfortable silence, moving around the kitchen, setting the table. Sana bit into a carrot, offering one to Elias. Elias smirked cheekily and winked before he said, “When have I ever said no to carrots?” He took a carrot from her and bit into it as he slumped down onto the chair beside Sana.

These were the moments Elias truly enjoyed with Sana. Usually they were bantering and pushing each other’s buttons, but today, they simply sat together enjoying each other’s company.

Finally, Sana broke the silence. “You were with Yousef today right?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he…” she hesitated “….he didn’t seem down, right?”

Elias paused. He narrowed his eyes at Sana’s searching eyes. He thought back to a couple hours ago. Yousef’s mood hadn’t seemed off. But then again, Elias wasn’t the most attentive guy in the world.

He shook his head as an answer and asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”

Sana sighed, frustration crinkling her eyes. “I talked to him about some worries I was having.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah…. I mean…. I spent so much time not talking things out with him. I’ve realized how important communication is.”

“But did he seem down when you talked?”

Sana huffed in annoyance. “No, He didn’t. He was really understanding.”

Elias furrowed his brows together in confusion. “Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that everything’s perfect when we’re together but as soon we’re not, I keep getting reminded of why we wouldn’t work.”

Elias sighed exasperatedly. You’d think she’d get tired of the constant back and forth, but apparently not. Elias had dealt with more than enough melodrama from both of them in the weeks before Yousef left for Turkey. He rubbed at his temples and said, “Why do you keep doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Making excuses. You and Yousef are, somewhat annoyingly, perfect for each other. Don’t think too much. Relax. Jeez,” he rolled his eyes and huffed at the ridiculousness of this conversation.

* * *

**SECRETS**

**3.4 Fredag 18.08.17 20.58**

**((( LOVE. - Kendrick Lamar )))**

Elias wilted in his seat after yet another wistful glance around the room. The loud thumping of some very unimpressive music and the boisterous voices of people sitting in clusters filled his ears. He found himself searching for one face in the massive crowd. But it was pointless. Eventually, he was joined by the rest of the boys, who were all laughing at some joke Mutta had made. Elias grumbled to himself in frustration. Being at a high school party with a bunch of kids and some shitty music was the last thing he felt like doing right now, but if there was even a slight possibility of seeing Laila, he definitely wasn’t going to say no.

He was resolved on fixing things between him and Laila. No matter what it took. If only she’d let him.

Elias drummed his fingers on the table, refocusing his attention on the conversation at hand. Chris had joined them at the couch and she and Mutta were chatting animatedly. As for the rest, Mikael was in a heated discussion with Yousef about which was better; Naruto or Avatar. Meanwhile Adam and Even laughed at the both of them. Leave it to Mikael and Yousef, the only 19-20 year olds on the planet to have a legit discussion about Naruto and Avatar.

Yousef turned towards Mikael and threw his hands in the air exasperatedly. “Naruto is a 12 year old ninja! It’s so unrealistic?”

“Oh so it’s realistic for an airbender to go around and throw elements?” Mikael questioned.

“Ok, first of all he doesnt throw the elements, he bends them. Second of all, Avatar is awesome. It doesnt matter whether it’s realistic or not. The way he controls all of the elements, that’s cool. Naruto? Not cool.”

Elias sighed and stifled a laugh. “Neither of you two are cool.”

Mikael widened his eyes dramatically in response. Just as he was about to retort, an enthusiastic voice interrupted him.

“Hey!”

Elias whipped his head towards the voice, momentarily wishing it was Laila. Or at the very least her friend Anja; at least then he would know Laila was actually somewhere at this party. But unfortunately, it was neither of them. It was two girls that he vaguely recognized from Bakka.

They walked over and sat down next to Mikael and Yousef with drinks in hand, as they began fondly reminiscing about their times at Bakka. Elias didn’t trust people who liked their high school years. Really, who did? It was filled with kids who had no interest in actually being there and teachers who had even less interest than the students.

Elias fiddled with the fabric of the couch he was sitting on as he watched the girls’ blatant flirting. Yousef looked completely oblivious, meanwhile Mikael looked somewhat uncomfortable. He had always been pretty withdrawn around girls all throughout his high school years. Elias knew that Mikael just needed to gain some confidence to come out of his shell.

Elias eyed the drinks on the table. Having finally given up on any attempt to be a part of the conversation, he let out an exasperated breath and willed himself to look away from the empty glasses and beer cans.

The girls, whose names were apparently Lise and Katrine, stood up from the couch and asked, “Do any of you guys want a drink?”

 _Yes_.

“No.” Elias lied.

Just as the two girls left the couch, Adam patted Mikael on the chest and said, “Dude! Lise was totally flirting with you!”

Mikael furrowed his eyes and rubbed at the nape of his neck.

Chris snorted and nodded. “She wants the D, man.”

Mutta chuckled and agreed.

Elias noticed Mikael’s shifty eyes. He figured Mikael was just shy, so Elias leaned towards him and put his hand on his shoulder. “Just compliment her, tell her she’s hot. Or ask her if she wants to dance.”

Mikaels brows knit together in a frown as he shifted his eyes from the boys to the bar where the girls were sitting. “I don’t know, I’m not into blondes.”

“What are you into then?” Mutta asked him.

Mikaels forehead puckered as he hesitantly let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t know man, I guess I’ll know when I see her.”

Adam rolled his eyes as he said, “Bro. She’s hot. Don’t be so picky. You’re a handsome guy, you can get her. No need to be shy.”

“I’m not shy, I’m just not interested,” Mikael muttered.

As Elias was about to respond, Sana walked over to the table, beaming as she said, “What’s up?”

Chris grinned at Sana and answered, “This Katrine girl is about to steal your man and Mikael is about to get some. But apparently he ‘isn’t into blondes’.”

Yousef gulped nervously, looking Sana in the eyes, undoubtedly trying to silently communicate he had no part in this.

Elias stifled a laugh at Yousef’s reaction. Elias would probably die of shock if he ever saw Yousef flirting with anyone other than Sana. Not that he was capable of flirting in general.

Sana smirked. “Yousef wouldn’t know what to do with her even if she did.”

All the guys whooped and hollered at her response.

“Do I sense a bit of jealousy?” Adam teased.

Sana rolled her eyes and said, “He wishes.”

Chris choked out a shrill laugh, clutching her chest, tears coming out of her eyes. “Sana!” she let out. She turned towards her and said, “Do you remember when you thought-” but she stopped abruptly as Sana gave her the greatest glare known to humanity.

“Chris I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink, don’t you think?”

Chris took note of Sana’s expression and quickly looked away, taking a swig from the drink in her hand.

At that moment, Yousef turned his eyes to Sana in confusion. Sana gave him a slight shake of her head.

As the Bakka girls returned with a few drinks in hand, Lise turned from her phone and said, “My friend’s having a party, wanna come?”

Elias felt deflated. He looked around for Laila, as he had done numerous times throughout the hour, but once again, he didn’t see her.

The rest of them nodded, collecting their jackets and bags. Elias stood up from his seat as he shook his head and said, “I think I’ll just head home actually. I’m kind of tired.”

“Are you sure?” Yousef said.

“Yeah, I am,” Elias responded, avoiding his eyes.

Yousef looked at him with an unreadable expression before he said, “Call me if there’s anything.”

“Yousef, I’m going home, don’t worry.”

“Yeah that’s what you always say. I mean it, call me.”

Elias nodded as Yousef pressed his lips together, glancing between the bottles near the table and Elias, the remnants of a concerned expression lingered on his face, before he smiled at him. He walked out the door, leaving with the others.

Elias sighed as he turned towards the bar and sat down on a stool. He rubbed at his temples and waited for the bartender to serve him. He pushed the voices in his head telling him not to buy a drink further and further down until they were almost unintelligible. His ears filled with a slight ringing noise, as the bartender turned to him and asked, “What will it be?”

Elias hesitantly opened his mouth and was about to answer as he felt someone bump into his shoulder from behind him.

**((( Secrets - The Weeknd )))**

“Anja, call me back as soon as you get this.”

_He recognized that voice._

He whipped his head around, turning so that he was face to face with Laila. She looked up at him, her mouth slightly agape. They stared at each other for a few seconds in shock, before he uttered a hesitant, “Hey.”

“Hey,” she replied. She was looking gorgeous as ever; her black turtleneck hugged her features; the coils of her dark brown hair enveloped her face.

Laila tore her phone away from her ear. She bit her lip and glanced at him beneath her lashes.

“I…,” they both said at the same time.

They laughed nervously.

Elias gestured for her to talk first.

Laila smiled. “I- I’m sorry for acting weird last Friday.”

Elias furrowed his brows in confusion. “No. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I was a dick.”

Laila opened her mouth to protest, but she was interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. She quickly grabbed it out of her jean pocket and answered. “Anja? Where are you?” There was a desperate edge to her voice. She paused and looked up at Elias. In a more hushed tone, she continued, turning away her face slightly, “Just- come to the bar. Please?”

Elias furrowed his brows worriedly at Laila’s distress. As she hung up, Elias asked, “What’s wrong?”

Laila shifted her eyes nervously. She paused and said, “It’s nothing. It’s just….. Anja’s having some trouble…. with her boyfriend.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

Elias raised his brows.

Within seconds, Anja appeared next to them, looking between Elias and Laila in confusion.

“Isn’t this the big charmer?” Anja asked, looking skeptically at Elias with a grin.

Elias vaguely recognized her as the blonde girl from the awkward pickup attempt two weeks ago. He snorted at her in response.

Laila let out a silent breath of relief. “Uhm- you know how you have that problem with your boyfriend?”

Anja narrowed her eyes before saying, “Ooooh….um… yeah.”

Laila looked from Elias to Anja and continued, “Well. We have to go to my place now.”

Anja peered at Laila nervously. “Slight problem. You don’t have the keys to your house remember?”

“I don’t?”

“You don’t.”

Elias furrowed his brows at the conversation at hand. He rubbed the back of his head in confusion. Suddenly, an idea formed in his mind; a way to get Laila to forgive him once and for all. He glanced from Laila to Anja and said, “You can sleep over at my place. My parents aren’t home.”

Both Laila and Anja turned towards him, looking positively dumbstruck at his suggestion.

“Are you sure?” Laila asked.

Elias shrugged and smiled at Laila. “It’s not a problem.”

Laila hesitated before saying, “But…uh….I think I’ll have to come too.”

Anja nodded vigorously and said, “Yeah. Yeah. You definitely should. Because- uh…”

Laila turned towards Elias and smirked. “I can’t have my best friend stay overnight with a boy we barely know, now can I? For all we know, you could be a serial killer.”

Elias chuckled. “Me? A serial killer? I’m not the one who listens to classical music while handling very sharp knives in pyjamas on a Tuesday afternoon.”

Laila laughed. “Who knows. Maybe I am.”

Elias raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

————

**((( Alene - Arif )))**

“Well. This is the place.” Elias led them to his front door, unlocking it, before he stepped aside, to let them through.

They walked inside as he followed behind them, turning on the lights to the entryway. With his parents gone and Sana still out at that party, the apartment was quiet and still.

Laila and Anja followed Elias into the living room, looking around at the heavy bookshelf situated near the back wall and the pile of bags stacked on the table in the corner.

Elias turned towards his bedroom and said, “You guys can sleep in here, I’ll take the couch.”

“Can I use your bathroom?” Anja asked Elias.

“Yah, first door on the left, Elias gestured in that direction, before she ambled down the hall.

“Is this your bedroom?” Laila asked, forcing his attention back to her. She looked into his room interestedly, catching a glimpse of some of the photography stills taped to his wall. “Did you take these photos?”

“Some of them. But others are places I really want to visit and some are just pictures that I think are shot really well.” Elias replied.

Laila looked at him and smiled softly. She glanced to her side, in deep thought and turned towards him. “If you could go anywhere in the world right now. Where would it be?”

Elias didn’t even need a second to think about his answer. “Morocco. Or more specifically, the countryside.”

“Why?”

“My family’s from there. It’s the most beautiful place. We visited this summer. One day, we drove to the rural areas and I saw the terrible conditions people were living in. It kinda made me feel guilty, for all that I have. I wish I could help out somehow.”

“I feel the exact same way whenever I visit Kenya. Things are going relatively fine over there for now. The economy is moving forward. But…things are still bad. And there’s not much that’s in our control.”

“Says the girl who apparently loves to be in control,” Elias teased.

Laila grinned at him. “Well in a world where Donald Trump is the American president, it’s hard to be hopeful.”

“If we don’t have hope, we don’t have much at all.” Elias said, solemnly looking into her brown eyes.

Laila paused. She narrowed her eyes and grinned at him. “I didn’t know you were such an optimist?”

“I try,” he smirked, shrugging lightly. 

With a pause, Laila grinned mischievously. “I was in South Africa too. But...you knew that already, didn’t you?”

Elias squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. Of course she’d seen the notification. Heat rose to his face as he made an effort to collect himself, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible. He opened his eyes with a laugh and was welcomed by her teasing smile. “Okay, okay. You caught me.”

In a desperate attempt to change the conversation, Elias said, “Where would you go?”

“Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?”

Laila nodded. “There’s so much I haven’t seen. I want to see every single inch of this earth. But…I’m just scared….” She trailed off.

Elias frowned. “Scared of what?”

Laila paused. “Serial killers like yourself,” she laughed.

Elias laughed. Laila turned towards his shelf, Elias followed her gaze, where his math trophies, blue ribbons, and achievement medals rested. He thought back to the years when his parents had entered him into those math competitions. He used to love seeing their pleased expressions after he’d won. The look of pure joy on their faces at his accomplishment was indescribable. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d been proud of him. His heart felt heavy suddenly, as he shook the thought from his head.

Laila picked up the quran that sat collecting dust on top of his shelf.

“Are you religious?” Laila asked, waving the book in her hands.

“I try to be. But it’s hard sometimes.” Elias responded. “Are you?”

Laila gave him a pensive look, before she said, “Yeah. If things go to shit in my life, it always helps to calm me.”

“Christianity?” Elias asked

“Islam.”

Elias raised his brows. For some reason, that came as a surprise to him. “I didn’t know you were Muslim.”

Laila shuffled around the room before saying, “Well I’m not super strict about the rules, but I always grew up around Islam. My mom’s Muslim, but my dad’s Christian.” She made air quotes around the word Christian. “But I always felt way more connected to Islam.”

Elias nodded with a smile, which Laila promptly reciprocated. Silence fell over the room once again as Laila looked around. She spotted the mini basketball lying on his nightstand.

Elias picked it up and threw it to her. “Show me your moves, girl.”

Laila caught the ball and shook her head with a chuckle. “I’m not good at this.”

“Oh come on, I bet you are.”

Laila tilted her head at him. “What if I ruin a lamp or something?”

With a smile dangling at the corner of his lips he said, “Don’t be scared. Come on, I believe in you.”

She paused and turned towards the hoop hanging from the back of his bedroom door and made the shot perfectly, standing a few feet away.

Elias gasped in a teasing manner, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing, the legendary, the strong Laila Ogutu made the impossible shot!”

Laila patted herself on the shoulder in mock-victory, giving him a radiant smile.

Elias felt warmth spread throughout his body at the sight of seeing her this happy.

For a few seconds, they simply gazed at each other, standing together in comfortable silence.

Suddenly, Anja walked into the room. Taking in the sight in front of her, she stared at the two of them before rolling her eyes. “Are you two lovebirds done? I’m tired.”

Laila snorted. “I thought you were in the bathroom.”

“I went to the bathroom twenty minutes ago, How long do you expect me to take in there?” Anja furrowed her brows.

Laila rolled her eyes at her friend.

Elias tried to stifle a laugh. He put his hands up and said, “Alright, I’m leaving. Goodnight.”

He left his bedroom, heading towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. He could barely contain his smile. He squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Laila walk into the bathroom and stand next to him. He raised his brows in amusement.

“What? I need to brush my teeth,” she replied.

Elias nodded. He was definitely not going to make a fool of himself by trying to talk with toothpaste in his mouth. He turned towards the mirror, concentrating on brushing his teeth, trying not to stare at her.

Laila asked, “Where’s the toothpaste?”

Elias cocked his head towards the cabinet in front of him. She fished the toothpaste out and squeezed some onto her finger. Elias raised his brows at her unconventional tooth brushing ways.

They stood there for a few minutes, brushing their teeth in complete silence with the occasional laugh escaping their mouths. Finally, Elias turned the sink on, water splashing out of the faucet as he rinsed his mouth. He stepped aside and let her do the same. He handed her a fresh towel.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

He stood there unsure of what to do next.

“Well, I guess I better go to sleep now, it’s been a long day.” Laila said.

“Goodnight,” Elias said.

“Night, Elias”, she smiled at him earnestly.

Elias watched her walk into his bedroom before he slowly made his way into the living room. He collapsed onto the couch with a huge smile on his lips, feeling a warmth settle into his chest.

 

 


	4. NEVER ENDING CYCLE

**THE MIDDLE GROUND**

**4.1 Lørdag 19.08.17 10.32  
**

**((( Intrigued - Nico & Vinz )))**

Elias shifted slightly, blinking his eyes open as streaks of bright sunlight pierced the window of the living room. As he stretched his arms above his head, a low groan erupted from inside of him.

With a yawn, Elias slowly stood up from the couch wondering what time it was as he looked around. At the memory of last night, he smiled to himself. He’d had an incredibly hard time sleeping; he couldn’t get the thought of Laila sleeping in his bed out of his mind. He wondered if she’d already left.

He heard voices drift into the living room from the kitchen.

It was Laila and Sana.

He edged closer to the kitchen, standing closely behind the door.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it’s challenging. But…I think the fact that they love each other is what strengthens their marriage. Their love for each other is enough to make it work for them.” Laila said, in a soft tone.

There was a pause. “And how do you guys do Ramadan? When your mom is fasting and your dad isn’t?”

“Well he cooks for her. Or at least tries to. He’s terrible at cooking,” Laila laughs. After a few seconds, Laila continues. “But seriously, if you love each other things are going to be fine. I’m not saying it’s easy all the time, and it’s definitely not the same for all interfaith couples. But I’ve seen you and Yousef together when he picks you up from school sometimes, you guys seem good together.”

Elias smiled to himself, his heart warming. To say that he was happy at the thought of Laila helping his sister, who he loved more than anything, was a huge understatement.

“Thank you. Honestly.” Sana said in a significantly lighter tone.

“No worries. Also…I just…wanted to say sorry. For the way my friends, or rather ex friends acted with you. I had no idea they wanted to kick you out of the bus.”

Sana snorted. “Trust me, it’s fine. I’m kinda glad it happened because it just made me see their true faces.”

“Very true.” Laila chuckled. “But seriously, girls like us should stick together.”

“Agreed.”

As Elias heard footsteps edge closer, he quickly opened the door to the kitchen as if he hadn’t just been listening in on their conversation. Laila turned to face him, giving him a radiant smile. He beamed at her in response. His heartbeat quickened at the sight of her. He looked at Sana and noticed that she was sporting a knowing smirk directed at the two of them. But before Elias could respond, Sana had already left the kitchen.

He turned towards Laila once again. She was sitting at the kitchen table wearing a pink over-sized tee which Sana had probably loaned her. She was glowing in every sense of the word, her smile more luminous than ever. Elias felt a twist in his stomach at the sight of her. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said with crinkled eyes.

Elias looked at the empty brown table, noticing the lack of food, and frowned, “You haven’t eaten yet?”

Laila looked down at the table and shrugged. “I was waiting for you. Oh and Anja had to leave for work by the way.”

Elias grinned in response, having completely forgotten Anja. “Well what do you usually have for breakfast?”

She cocked her head in thought and said, “I don’t know, a shake or some oats.”

Elias evaluated his options; either try to make oatmeal and fail miserably since he had never set foot near the stove, or make a shake. The latter sounded easy enough. He turned towards the blender that stood beside the fridge. He patted the top of it and raised his brows suggestively at Laila. “A shake it is.”

Laila grinned as her thumb grazed her lips, watching Elias move around the kitchen.

What were you supposed to put in a shake again? Ice cream? Sugar? Did they even have that? He turned towards the freezer and was relieved to find that they did have ice cream. Now, sugar….

As Elias picked up the sugar bowl, Laila said, “Is that ice cream?”

Elias paused. He turned towards her and shifted his eyes downward. Hesitantly, he said “…Yes?”

Laughing, Laila stood up from her chair and shook her head. She strolled over to where he was standing and put the ice cream back inside the freezer. “You don’t put ice cream inside a morning shake.”

Elias rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Well then what do you put inside them then?”

“Are you serious?” she asked, laughing at his bewildered expression. His eyes softened as the melodious sound of her laughter hit his ears. She looked around searchingly. “Um….do you have any bananas? Or any berries?”

Looking inside the fridge he didn’t see any bananas, but he did find some raspberries. He waved them towards Laila, looking way too proud of an otherwise mediocre achievement. As he was about to go and wash the berries, he saw a basket filled with different fruits including bananas.

_Had that basket always been there?_

Elias’ heart beat rapidly when he looked back at Laila and saw she had her eyes glued to him. He dropped the bananas and berries inside the blender and added in some milk for good measure as he said, “Anything else you’d like?” He followed with a bow. Laila laughed out loud as she shook her head in embarrassment.

In the midst of her laughter, Laila said, “Ummm…do you have chia seeds?”

Elias widened his eyes in bemusement. What the hell was that?

Laila bit her lip, in an attempt to hide her obvious smile. “…Nevermind.”

Elias nodded determinedly. He pressed the button on the blender to start it, but not before Laila glanced at it and noticed the lid wasn’t on. “Wait–” All at once, the machine whirred to life and huge chunks of berries and milk splattered everywhere. Elias heart stilled as he widened his eyes in shock. Immediately, he raised his hand to to turn off the blender, but as he went for the button, he accidentally hit her in the face with his elbow.

“Oww!”

Elias turned towards Laila whose hand was covering her nose, a grimace on her face. “Fuck! I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Laila turned to him with a deadpan expression. “Only a bit.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, mentally berating himself. Why didn’t he know how to act normal? Safe to say, he was never going near a blender again in his life.

“I’m so sorry!” he blurted out in genuine concern.

Laila looked over at him, laughing at his panicked expression. She removed her hand from her nose. “How do I look?” she tilted her face up slightly.

He checked to make sure she wasn’t bleeding. “You look perfect.” She smiled at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.

Laila nodded reassuringly before narrowing her eyes at him, “Have you ever even been inside a kitchen before?”

He gasped, wide eyed in mock-hurt. “Of course I have! As a matter of fact, you’re talking to the king of cooking. I am the king of gastronomy.”  
  
Laila laughed. “Oh really? Somehow I have a hard time believing that.”  
  
“Why not?”   
  
Laila snorted as she motioned towards the mess Elias had made. “Well, for starters…”

“Touché.”

As Elias looked back at her, he noticed she had some chunks of banana in her hair and some milk on her face as a result of the blender mishap. He reached out slowly, picking a piece of banana out of her hair. He suddenly felt drawn to her as he glanced down at her mouth. He gulped as he imagined the feel of his lips on hers. Looking up, he saw that her eyes were lowered to his lips. His heart fluttered as he wondered if she felt the same way about him. He felt an uncontrollable desire to brush away the milk with his thumb but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from kissing her. He couldn’t do anything until he knew how she felt.

He looked down, trying to still his rapid heartbeat. “Umm…you have something on your…” he trailed off, gesturing towards her lips.

Laila raised her brows and brought her hand to her mouth, wiping the milk from her face. Elias watched her, wishing it was his finger moving along her lips. “Did I get it all off?” she said.

Elias nodded his head, grinning at her.

Laila crinkled her eyes as she burst into a fit of laughter. Elias relished the sound of it, wishing he could dedicate the rest of his life to making her laugh. He couldn’t help but laugh along with her at the ridiculousness of the situation. It was official; he shouldn’t be allowed to interact with anyone ever at all.

* * *

After they cleaned up the mess he’d made, Elias had given her a long and impromptu tour around the apartment. In reality, he didn’t want her to go home just yet. He was having too much fun hanging out with her.

As they made their way to the study, Elias opened the door for Laila, walking in behind her. She looked around the white room filled with old antique furniture that Elias’ mom had bought from various thrift shops and markets. Laila turned her gaze from the brown rustic wooden table with the huge stack of papers belonging to his dad, to the grey couch, towards the shelves framing the walls, before her eyes finally landed on the piano tucked away in the back corner. She turned towards him excitedly, “Do you play?”

Elias snorted. “No, I don’t have a musical bone in my body.”

**((( Für Elise - Ludwig Van Beethoven )))**

Laila tilted her head at him, unconvinced. She hesitantly walked towards the piano and sat down on the chair beneath it. She lifted the lid, revealing the black and white keys, and started playing a musical piece which Elias actually recognized. She played slowly but fervently as she looked up at him and said, “I think everyone can be musically inclined, but most people give up without trying if they aren’t immediately proficient at it. They don’t want to work to get better.”

Elias nodded in agreement. He walked towards the piano and sat down beside her. “How long have you played?”

“Since I was six. This was the first song I learned, I spent forever trying to learn the middle section, it’s hell,” she said exasperatedly, with a grin.

“Is it that bad?”

Laila widened her eyes and raised her brows exaggeratedly, nonverbally expressing just how bad it truly was. Elias had never seen anything cuter. “Let me show you.”

She turned towards the piano, her eyes focused. Her fingers lay gracefully over the keys and suddenly she started playing the notes effortlessly and gracefully. Laila was playing so quickly, Elias concentrated his eyes on the rapid movement of her fingers hovering over the keys, trying to memorize every detail.

As the sound of the last note of the song faded away, Elias stared at Laila with wide eyes. Holy hell. She turned towards him and laughed at his astounded facial expression. “What did you think?” she asked.

“Well I’ve heard it before, and to be honest, I wasn’t too impressed, but now I have to admit, you completely sold me on it,” he answered.

Laila grinned and said, “Why thank you,” with a small bow. She gazed at him for a few seconds and then turned towards the piano again. “I think I have one you’ll like better.”

**((( Chopin: Nocturne No. 2 in E-flat Major - Frédéric Chopin )))**

Elias watched as Laila fidgeted on the seat before she swiftly moved her hands across the piano, this time playing a significantly calmer and lighter song. He studied Laila as she closed her eyes; clearly she knew the notes by heart. Her chest rose and fell to the tempo of the piece, her mouth slightly parted. Elias was in awe of the way she played, her fingers traveling along the keys with reckless abandon.

As Laila finished, she glanced over at him, a look of amazement on her face. “I’ve never played in front of anyone other than my family and my piano teacher.”

Elias paused, feeling an infinite warmth spread through his body at hearing her say that. “Why not?”

“I don’t know…” She trailed off. “When you’re playing, you become really vulnerable and you’re just completely open to criticism. It can be scary.” She looked into his eyes. “But…it isn’t scary with you.”

He gulped in response. He had no idea what to say. Elias was overwhelmed by the fact that she trusted him so much. Even after he’d acted like a complete dick a week ago. He still felt guilty about it. If there was one thing Elias hated more than anything, it was hurting people. “Again…I’m sorry about what happened last week.”

Laila shook her head embarrassedly. “I was being dramatic. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“You shouldn’t…say sorry for how you felt. I just really hope I didn’t cause you any pain. I mean it,” he said earnestly, gazing at her.

Laila’s chocolate brown eyes softened. She wrapped her arms around him and drew him into a hug. Elias smiled against the crook of her neck, closing his eyes as he revelled in the feel of her warm body against his.

Too little time had passed before she drew away from him, her cheeks tinted pink. Elias let out a deep breath at the loss of her warmth. She licked her lips and looked down shyly.

In an attempt to break the tension, Elias said, “You wanna see my piano skills?”

“I thought you didn’t play?”

Elias raised his brows in a cocky manner. “Well, you know I never cease to impress.”

**((( Location - Khalid ))))[ [VOCALS]](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dfz5GBHgHZGM&t=YzlhYWE4ZTMyMDJjZDhkYzM0MWIzNmNmMjIyMGFhZTU4N2U5NDhjYix6R2JRTTNxTQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A7X9rUrOB-7BZdD7JUXwlUg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fskamelias.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F164360985965%2Fthe-middle-ground&m=1) [[INSTRUMENTAL]](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dyy-E2AdSfkI&t=ZTU3NTg3MWU0Y2Q4NWI2MDk2MDY3Mzg3NWFkNWRiZmU0ZjA0MzQ1MSx6R2JRTTNxTQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A7X9rUrOB-7BZdD7JUXwlUg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fskamelias.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F164360985965%2Fthe-middle-ground&m=1)**

Elias turned his eyes towards the piano and prayed that he could remember the song. This was the only song he knew and he really didn’t want to embarrass himself for the second time this morning. He placed his fingers on the keys and started playing.The notes came back to him in a wave of muscle memory.

“Hey! I know that song! ‘Location’ by Khalid, right?”

Elias turned towards her, pausing as his fingers rested on the piano. He beamed, “Yeah.”

He started playing again while beside him, Laila hummed to the music.

Laila began singing the lyrics in a soft yet strong voice. “Send me your location, let’s focus on communicating ‘cause I just need the time and place to come through.”

Elias smiled to himself, enjoying the sound of her voice and the piano together.

“Initially, I didn’t wanna fall for you. Gather my attention it was all for you, so don’t take advantage, don’t leave my heart damaged to understand that things go a little bit better when you plan it.”

Elias shuddered at her voice. It really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise just how good she was at singing.

“I’m only acting like this ‘cause I like you. Just give me the vibe to slide then oh, I might make you mine by the night.”

When Elias finished the song, Laila looked at him with a quizzical expression on her face. “I can’t quite figure you out,” she laughed. “One second you’re fighting a random dude, the next I see your math trophies, and now you’re playing the piano. Next second you’ll probably be telling me you love The Notebook or 10 Things I Hate About You or something.”

Elias chuckled. “To be fair, this is the only song I know. I don’t even know the notes, I just learned this through a youtube video. And…I hate romantic dramas.”

Laila gasped in mock-offense. “Really? They’re my guilty pleasure. The drama, the love declarations, the grand gestures.”

Elias cocked his head, enjoying every facet of her. “They’re dumb.”

“I guess love makes you kinda dumb.” Laila shrugged.

Elias shook his head in amusement. He figured it was pretty ironic; the girl who was hard to figure out was telling him that he was hard to figure out. “Is this what you wanna do?”

Laila looked up at him, “Hmm?”

“Play piano. Create music.”

Laila nodded. With an absolute certainty in her voice she said, “I’ve known what I wanted to do since forever. Have you ever tried watching a movie without some background music?”

Elias shook his head.

“It’s essential, without background music, the scene and movie wouldn’t feel adequate. It helps the audience know what to feel during specific moments in movies and sets the mood and tone for the scene. There’s some classical music that’s used in loads of movies too, like Beethoven’s 5th symphony and Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. I’d love to compose my own music, my dream is to have some of my stuff end up in a movie one day.”

Elias watched Laila speak with such a fierce passion in her eyes. That’s how Elias wanted to feel. He wanted to have that same spark in his eyes when talking about doing what he loved. “That’s amazing.”

She smiled up at him.

Like clockwork, her phone rang. She tore it out of her pocket and frowned at the caller. She rose from the chair, “It’s my mom. Probably calling to tell me my brother’s back home. Even though I already knew that,” she said pointedly.

She huffed and put the phone to her ear. “Hey mom. Yeah I slept over at a friend’s. Yeah I know he’s back, he told me.” There was a pause. “So him and….they aren’t there anymore? Yeah, I’m coming home now.” Laila gazed over at Elias and bit her lip. Hesitantly she added,

“No, it’s…nothing. Don’t worry. Love you.”

After she ended the call, Laila turned towards Elias and smiled. “I have to go. Thank you again.”

Elias shook his head dismissively, “No worries.” He walked her out.

Laila gave him a toothy smile which he promptly returned. She said goodbye and left him with one and only one thought in his mind. She was it for him. He didn’t want anybody else but her.

* * *

 

**JEALOUS**

**4.2 Søndag 20.08.17 17.36**

**((( Controlla - Drake )))**

“Wait, but why did Laila sleep over?” Mutta asked, his head resting on his hand as he turned to Elias in interest.

Elias sat with his ankle resting over one knee, while the rest of the boys were lounging lazily on the couch beside him in the Bakkoush’ living room, doing nothing in particular. Mikael and Even were both occupied with something incredibly interesting on one of their phone screens.

Elias smiled at the memory of Friday night and Saturday morning. They had been constantly texting ever since then.

He shrugged in response to Mutta. “Her friend needed a place to crash and she wanted to keep her company. Also, the folks weren’t home.”

Yousef, noticing Elias’s change in disposition, smiled at Elias before he asked. “So she isn’t mad at you anymore?”

Elias paused, “Don’t think so.”

Adam smirked at Elias. “You seem very happy right now.”

“I am.”

“In other words, he feels whole.” Mikael erupted melodramatically. “He feels excitement. He feels euphoria rushing through his veins. He feels butterflies in his stomach at the very sight of her…..no, at the very thought of her.”

Elias shot him a deadpan expression as he reached out to smack him on the head, Mikael swiftly avoiding his hand with a grin. He looked oddly pleased with himself as he wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Idiot.”

“You love me though,” Mikael added.

Elias snorted. “That’s debatable.”

Mikael gasped in mock-offense.

“So are you and Laila together now?” Yousef asked.

“Yeah, we’re planning a May wedding,” Elias rolled his eyes at Yousef’s shocked expression. “No, you dumbass.”

“Well how am I supposed to know anything? You guys are so hot and cold all the time, I never know what’s going on with you two.” Yousef huffed.

Elias snorted at the irony. He definitely wasn’t one to talk. “You and me both, bro.”

The sudden sound of the door swinging open drew their attention, as footsteps echoed in the front hallway. Elias caught movement out of the corner of his eye, before he turned and saw Sana walk into the living room with a guy by her side. He was fairly tall, with curly black hair and a close-cropped beard to match. He was around Elias’ age, although he looked a bit older. They were laughing, apparently in mid-conversation before Sana said, “I think my dad is going to be home in a sec.”

“Okay, cool,” said the guy with a smile.

Elias furrowed his eyebrows, wondering who this guy was before he snuck a glance at Yousef, stifling a laugh at his friend’s sudden alert demeanour, He felt Yousef’s shoulders stiffen beside him.

“Guys, this is Ali.” She gestured to him. “Ali, this is my brother and his friends,” Sana said, introducing them to each other.

Ali turned towards the boys, nodding at them as he said, “Hey.”

They collectively nodded in his direction. This was definitely the first time Sana had brought a boy home.

“He’s looking for a surgical internship, so I thought dad could help him out.” Sana continued.

Awkward silence fell over the room, as none of them knew what to say. Elias turned towards the boys and saw Mikael and Adam desperately trying to restrain themselves from laughing.

“And uh…. how did you two meet?” Yousef asked pointedly.

Ali shared an amused glance with Sana. Yousef narrowed his eyes at their familiarity with each other. “Well, we met a while ago actually–” He turned towards Sana and chuckled. “–I can’t believe you lied and said you went to uni.”

Sana grimaced and opened her mouth, but just as she was about to respond she was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. She hastily walked over and greeted her parents who’d just walked in. Ali followed closely behind her, leaving the boys alone, confusion etched upon their faces.

Elias turned to the boys and Mikael and Adam let out a burst of laughter which they had been trying to hold in.

Yousef on the other hand, looked pale, far from amused. “Guys, you don’t think he’s more attractive than me right?” Yousef asked self-consciously.

Elias grimaced, choking back a laugh with great difficulty.

Yousef widened his eyes at the boys’ silence.

“I mean…..he does have nice hair.” Mikael said.

The boys all nodded in agreement.

“And what, I don’t have nice hair too?” Yousef asked, subconsciously running a hand through his unkempt bangs.

The boys glanced at each other, nonverbally communicating what they were all thinking.

“Let’s just say it doesn’t do you any favors,” Adam replied.

Yousef looked panicked. “Is it the beard? You know I could grow one too?”

Elias snorted at him. He thought back to that time in high school when they’d bet on who could grow the thickest beard in the least amount of time. Safe to say, Yousef wasn’t exactly a contender.

“Bro, we don’t have the time to wait several years for you to grow a few wisps,” Adam quipped.

“Besides, yours are more reminiscent of chin pubes if anything.” Mikael told Yousef.

Elias cringed as the boys grimaced. “What is wrong with you? No seriously I’d like to know?”

Mikael shrugged with a cheeky grin.

Elias turned to Yousef, grinning widely. He’d never seen Yousef this jealous before. Usually he was the calm and collected one, but it seemed that when it came to Sana, he was just as clueless as the rest of them.

“Yousef calm down. There’s nothing going on between them. She’s just helping him get an internship with our dad,” Elias assured him.

“I’m calm. I’m completely calm. I’m calm as a…rock.” he muttered in response.

Elias furrowed his eyes. What the hell did that even mean?

“How can a rock be calm? It’s an inanimate object,” Even interjected.

“I don’t know. Ugh, this is a very stressful time, leave me alone,” Yousef said, exasperatedly running a hand over his face.

“Awwwwww”, the boys all said in unison.

Yousef glared at them in response.

Sana peaked her head inside the room and said, “Are you guys staying for dinner?”

“Yes!” Yousef responded with vigor. Sana raised her brows at him at his sudden enthusiasm. Yousef cleared his throat as he rubbed at the nape of his neck and said, “I mean…yeah sure.” with a shrug, attempting to act significantly more nonchalant this time, but failing miserably.

She momentarily furrowed her brows at him before rolling her eyes as she walked away.

* * *

**((( Spis Din Syvende Sans - Karpe Diem )))**

“So Ali, what field of study are you interested in?” Elias’ dad asked.

They were all seated around the brown oak dining table, plates piled high with food. His mom had made tons of couscous and bean tagine; she had no restraint when it came to serving guests food. His parents were asking Ali about a million questions; Elias’ head was spinning. He couldn’t even imagine what was going through Ali’s mind at that moment. Poor guy.

“Well I’m kinda torn between pediatric and cardiac specialties. There are just so many preventable diseases that stem from heart problems and I’d love to help save as many lives as I can. But on the other hand, I really love children, and I’ve always wanted to work with kids.”

Elias saw Yousef roll his eyes slightly next to him. Elias snorted in response.

“Yousef loves kids too. He works at a kindergarten,” Sana added, looking fondly at Yousef sitting across from her. He met her smile with one of his own.

“They’re both great specialties. Medicine is a really good profession. You make lots of money too. Of course, it’s not only about that,” his dad replied, laughing. “We thought Elias here might follow in my footsteps after he graduated. But he’s still finding his path.”

Elias glanced over at his dad before looking down at his plate. He knew his dad’s words were well-intentioned, but they still stung nonetheless. He pushed his food around with his fork disinterestedly.

“Sana wants to go into surgery just like her dad,” his mom chipped in, as she smiled in Ali’s direction.

“We were actually talking about that earlier, I was recommending some biochem courses she could take when she starts uni.” Ali said, a grin on his face.

“She gets top marks in both biology and chemistry. Those should be no problem for her,” his mom remarked.

“You mentioned you had another brother? What does he do?” Ali asked Sana.

“Yah, he’s studying for his computer engineering degree. He already has a job lined up once he graduates. We’re really proud of him. My parents told us stories of how he was basically taking apart computers when he was only 8 years old,“ Sana jokingly recalled.

Elias couldn’t help but grin at the thought. He was too young to remember it at that time, but he could only imagine the look on his parents’ faces when they came home one day to find Karim had taken apart the console he’d gotten for his 8th birthday. His reasoning? He had wanted to see what was inside.

“So….Ali, are you seeing anyone right now?” his mom asked interrupting his thoughts.

Elias furrowed his brows. He swore his parents had absolutely no boundaries.

Ali stopped chewing, a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

Mikael and Even snorted. Yousef choked on his food.

“Mom!” Sana uttered, clearly looking embarrassed. “You don’t have to answer that,” Sana said turning to Ali.

Ali laughed lightly, “It’s ok, I’m…uh…not really seeing anyone right now. I’m trying to focus on my studies.”

His dad nodded. “Well, when the time comes, let us know. We know plenty of nice girls we can set you up with,” he said with a grin.

Sana raised her hand to her face in exasperation, while Elias just rolled his eyes.

Ali laughed uneasily. With a lackluster smile, he said, “That’s really kind of you, but….you don’t have to do that. I don’t even know if I want to get married,” Ali replied politely.

Elias’ mom tilted her head and waved her hand dismissively. “You’re still young. You have plenty of time to change your mind.”

A bout of silence followed that last sentence, as everyone returned to the food in front of them.

“Does anyone want more couscous?“ Sana asked, holding up the dish in front of her, in an attempt to change the subject.

Elias and the guys collectively raised their hands.

* * *

“Ugh, I’m so full,” Adam groaned, rubbing his stomach.

They had eaten way too much, and now Elias and the rest of them were in a pretty bad food coma. It was all his mom’s fault. She was too good of a cook.

“Told you you shouldn’t have had so much food. That’s on you,” Mikael shook his head.

Adam huffed as if he had been insulted. “I’m a growing boy, I need the nutrition,” he retorted.

“I didn’t realize I was speaking to a 12-year-old child.”

Elias laughed, rolling his eyes at their idiocy.

After dinner, Ali had left and the boys had found comfort on the living room floor. Mutta had already fallen asleep in the corner.

“So do you think your parents like Ali more than me?” Yousef asked Elias out of nowhere.

Elias groaned. “Oh my god, are you seriously still on that?”

“Yousef how your desperate ass got Sana to go out with you will forever remain a mystery,” Adam joked.

Suddenly, Sana appeared, as she hovered in front of the door. “I ask myself that question everyday,” she said grinning down at Yousef, her hands on her hips.

The boys hollered loudly in response.

Yousef rolled his eyes at the boys and Sana shot him a cheeky grin which he promptly returned.

“By the way, what did you guys think of Ali? He seems cool right?” Sana asked.

Elias turned towards Yousef and grinned teasingly at him. Yousef grimaced as the boys tried desperately to stifle their laughs. Unsurprisingly, they failed miserably. Mikael’s grin threatened to erupt into full-blown laughter. Part of him wanted to smack Mikael on the head before he could say something stupid, but the fun side of him really wanted Sana to find out just how jealous Yousef had been.

Sana furrowed her brows in suspicion, noticing the evident change in their behaviour.

“What? Why are you guys acting so weird? Is it something with Ali?” Sana asked. She narrowed her eyes, looking from one to the other, no doubt trying to see who was the easiest to force it out of. Her eyes landed on Yousef, who was determinedly avoiding her gaze, before she turned to Elias.

He grimaced.

“Elias, I swear if you don’t tell me what’s up, I will send all of your baby pictures to Laila, I’m not kidding,” Sana said as she crossed her arms against her chest.

“Whoa. Ok, wait that’s uncalled for.” Elias protested. He glanced at Sana, internally debating how seriously she might be to follow through with her threat. She stared back at him intensely, refusing to break eye contact. After a few more seconds, he looked away and sighed. “Yousef, bro I’m sorry.” A satisfied expression crossed Sana’s face. “Yousef’s jealous of Ali,” Elias admitted.

Her smug expression turned to shock as Sana wrenched her gaze towards Yousef who looked positively red in the face. “Are you serious?” Sana said, the widest smile forming on her face before she doubled over in a fit of laughter. She clutched her stomach, tears streaming down her face as her eyes squeezed shut. “Oh my god,” she choked out. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.” She wiped a tear from her eye.

Elias frowned. Yousef looked over at her in utter confusion, as did the others.

“Sana, why are you laughing?” Elias asked.

“He’s gay!” She finally managed to utter, amidst the laughter still bursting from her.

Elias raised his eyebrows. He did not expect that at all. He turned towards Yousef who was looking at Sana in equal parts shock and embarrassment.

“Wait, what? Mutta said abruptly waking up from his impromptu nap. “Who’s gay?” He looked around at them. “How long was I asleep?”

Adam, Even, and Elias all erupted into laughter. Yousef had a sheepish grin on his face. Mikael was the only one who was silent, an inscrutable emotion on his face.

“How do you know?” Yousef asked, still unconvinced.

“I just know, you idiot,” she said shaking her head at him.

Silence followed that admission.

“Uhhhh…..what’s it going to take to forget this ever happened?” Yousef asked mortified.

Sana smirked at him, “Oh I can think of a few things."

* * *

 

**HEI BRISKEBY- fixing vans and pickup lines**

**4.3 Mandag 21.08.17**

**Description: Thinking might be a good idea**

“What’s up people?” Elias said warmly with a smile.

Elias was the only one in the frame as he looked directly into the camera and said, “I have to say, you look beautiful.”

“Elias, stop being so corny,” Mikael said, behind the camera. Suddenly, all of the boys popped into frame behind him.

Elias turned the camera around, showcasing a red van with the words “Los Losers” written in white tape on the front. The girls were standing next to it, a mixture of apprehension and excitement written on their faces. Vilde was waving enthusiastically to the camera, while Chris grinned at the girls. Eva and Noora smiled into the camera, while Sana on the other hand, well….she looked less than pleased.

“So as you can see, we just finished fixing the ‘Los Losers’ van that’s rolling out in 2018. Shout out to my sister’s russ crew.” Elias smiled at Sana, who was looking annoyed at the prospect of being in front of the camera.

“Anyway, we asked my sister’s friends if they wanted to be in our video and they said yes, so here we are.” He aimed the camera at the girls sitting next to him. “Why don’t you introduce yourselves to the viewers?”

Vilde perked up from her seat and said energetically, “I’m Vilde,” Next to her was Chris who said, “Sup, I’m Chris,” nodding into the camera, a smirk on her face. After that, Noora glanced reluctantly into the camera, before waving, “Hi, I’m Noora.” Eva grinned as the camera panned to her and said, “Heeeyyy, I’m Eva.” Lastly, Elias pointed the camera at Sana who was scowling at her brother behind the lens. “Elias get that thing out of my face.” She blocked the camera with her hands. 

“Come on Sana, it’s just a video. It’s not a big deal. Please do it for me?” Elias pouted.

Sana hastily glanced at her brother’s expression, before rolling her eyes and said, “Ugh, fine, whatever.” She gestured to herself, “I’m Sana I guess.”

Elias moved so that he was in front of the camera while the everyone else was right behind him. “Ok, so we have this basket,” he motioned towards the basket in Mikael’s hands filled with small pieces of paper. Elias continued, “So we wrote down some of our favourite pick up lines and we’re each going to randomly pick one and try them out on these girls.”

Elias glanced at Yousef with a knowing smirk as he said, “Adam, tell us a bit about your favourite pickup lines and how to use them.”

Adam raised his brows and stepped forward confidently. “As you all know, I’m the best at pickup lines out of all of these guys, so naturally I have the most advice to give. These pickup lines have been personally tried and tested by me. They’re all carefully researched–”

“–60% of the time, they work every time,” Mikael interrupted, grinning cheekily.

The boys collectively snickered. The girls laughed.

Even grinned. “Actually, let the record show that I’m the mastermind behind all of their pick up attempts.”

The boys nodded in agreement.

“So, boys. What is the perfect pick up line in your opinion?”

“The worse it is, the better. Just make her laugh at how terrible it is,” Mutta expressed.

The boys laughed, slapping Mutta on the shoulder.

Elias turned towards the girls, “And girls? What do you think is the perfect pick up line?”

“Not using one,” Sana said with a deadpan expression. “Have any of you actually tried these pickup lines on actual human girls?” she added, rolling her eyes.

“Sana, please watch the master at work,” Adam said with a sly brow. He picked up one of the slips of paper from the basket without looking at it. He confidently strode over to Noora and raised his brows suggestively, giving her the smolder. He looked at the paper and back up at Noora who wrinkled her brows skeptically, “Do you know your ABC’s? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.”

Noora snorted loudly as she tried to stifle a laugh.

The camera panned over to Vilde who tilted her head in thought for a few seconds before laughing out loud.

“I give it a solid 8/10 for delivery and wit,” Chris said, grinning widely.

Adam threw his fists up in victory and said, “Boom! Mic drop.”

“Please, I can do better than that,“ Even quipped. He cleared his throat before reaching his hand into the basket and fished out a slip of paper. As he read the pickup line that was written in small handwriting, he looked up again.

Glancing at Eva, who raised her brows in amusement at him, he walked over, running a hand through his tousled curls, laying on the charm as he said, “Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”

The boys hollered and tried to stifle their laughs. Even grinned lazily as Eva said, “4/10 for the line, but you’re lucky you have a pretty face.”

“Ok who’s next?” Elias asked looking at the guys.

“Mikael you go next, you need the practice.” Adam said, patting him on the chest.

Mikael scoffed, rolling his eyes at him. He walked over to the basket and after some shuffling, pulled a slip of paper out.

“Don’t read it beforehand,” Elias grinned.

Mikael shook his head, “Guys…” he groaned. “I’m not doing this one, let me pick another one.”

He reached towards the basket, attempting to pick another one, but Elias pulled it away from him, out of his reach. The guys just shook their heads and laughed at him. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

Mikael laughed nervously and ran a hand through his long untidy hair. He glanced at the girls and said, “For the record, I didn’t write this.”

“Any day now, grandpa,” Mutta drawled out.

“You’re one to talk.” Elias snorted.

Mikael drew in a deep breath and looked at Vilde before saying, “You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.” He grimaced slightly to himself.

Everyone burst out into laughter, throwing their heads back. Vilde giggled at Mikael’s pained expression. “11/10!” Vilde shouted cheerfully.

“I could have delivered that line so much better,” Adam remarked, shaking his head.

“Okay, Romeo, let me try it now.” Mutta said.

His eyes flitted over to Chris for a second before he reached into the basket and picked a slip of paper. As he looked at it, he pressed his eyes shut. “Guys, ok this is unfair. Please please please let me choose another one.”

Mikael huffed with a satisfactory grin. “No way, I didn’t get to change mine, so you don’t either.”

Mutta sighed before he looked straight into Chris’ eyes. “Are you a mirror? Cause I can see myself inside you.”

Chris broke out into a fit of laughter, clutching her chest as if her very life depended on it. She patted him on the shoulder and said, “WOW! 10/10 would work on me.” She wiped an imaginary tear from her eyes as she shook her head in amusement.

Mutta merely looked at her with a warm expression on his face. A faint blush appeared on his cheeks before he looked away shyly.

Elias exchanged knowing looks with the rest of the boys. “Okaaaaay, let’s move on.”

“Yousef, you’re up.” Adam said

Yousef winked at Sana. She gave him a playful smirk as he walked over and chose a paper at random from the basket. He laughed as he read his line, before he cocked his head up in faux confidence and earnestly gazed into Sana’s eyes, “Are you from Russia? ‘Cause you’re russian my heart rate!”

“Aaaaawwww!” they all said. Even wolf-whistled.

Yousef watched Sana, gauging her reaction. Unfortunately, she was shaking her head in amusement and disbelief.

“I’m embarrassed to be dating you,” Sana replied, covering her face with her hand, barely hiding her dimpled cheek.

“Come on Sana, you have to give our boy his rating over here,” Adam quipped.

She tilted her head, as if she were in deep thought. Finally, she looked up at Yousef’s grin and smirked. “It’s definitely better than your former flirting techniques, but that isn’t really saying much.”

They all roared with laughter.

“You had that one coming Yousef,“ Elias said consolingly.

“Ouch!” Mikael said.

Yousef adjusted his cap nervously, unable to stifle his laugh at the smug grin planted on Sana’s lips.

“Ok, ok. Now let’s see the self proclaimed pickup master at work,” Yousef said, gesturing to Elias, making finger quotes around the word ‘pickup master’.

Elias raised his brows suggestively at Yousef. “Well, I’ll just say it to the camera, because…” he trailed off. He grinned as he picked up a piece of paper from the basket; reading the line, he laughed cheekily.

Elias looked into the camera with a smirk. “Are you African? ‘Cause you’re african babe,” and winked at the end.

The boys all groaned, while next to him, the girls rolled their eyes.

“Subtle. Very subtle.” Adam snickered and the boys laughed. 

* * *

They had all moved inside the van, gathered in a circle around the backseat, with the fluorescent strobe lights flashing around them.

Elias directed the camera at the girls and asked, “So what would you suggest for guys to do if they wanted to pick up a girl?”

“Do the opposite of everything you do.” Sana said with a blank expression.

The girls beside Sana all laughed, Chris put her hand up to high five Sana which she promptly did.

“Chris, what do you think?” Elias asked, directing the camera at her.

“I say go for it, just go all in. Be as desperate and stupid as possible.”

Vilde laughed while Sana shook her head beside Chris.

Noora furrowed her brows, an amused expression on her face. ”But be respectful if she’s not into you, don’t keep harassing her either.”

The boys nodded in agreement.

Elias turned the camera so that they were all in the frame. “So let’s self rate. I personally think I did amazing.”

“That’s because you have zero self-awareness,” Sana muttered.

“Who won?” Adam asked.

“We all lost today,” Sana said with a straight-face.

“I think Even did.” Mikael said. Even’s mouth erupted into the widest grin, cheering as he high fived Mikael and they hugged.

* * *

“Guys! I hope you enjoyed this video as much as we enjoyed making it. Shout out to my little sister for being in the video despite her initial objections. And thanks to these lovely ladies.”

Adam ruffled Mikaels hair, making it look positively ridiculous as Mikael grinned.

“We’d like to thank the internet, for its endless supply of good and bad pickup lines for any and all occasions,” Mutta said.

The boys collectively nodded.

“Make sure and leave a comment telling us how these lines worked out. Oh and one more thing, if you use these and start dating a Norwegian girl, good luck with her dad.” Adam said pointedly.

The boys snickered in response.

“See you later!” Elias gave a salute and covered the camera with his hand.

* * *

 

**THE LAST DAY**

**4.4 Tirsdag 22.08.17 11.33**

**((( V. 3005 - Childish Gambino )))**

Elias felt like hitting himself on the head. He still couldn’t believe he had been stupid enough to agree to be Sana’s slave for two weeks for a freaking cup of water.

So because of his idiocy, here he was, standing at the entrance of the Nissen courtyard. The chattering of students around him gave him flashbacks to the time he spent in high school. Safe to say, he didn’t miss it one bit.

At least his being here meant there was a chance of seeing Laila, and he couldn’t complain about that. Elias couldn’t keep his mind off her despite his best efforts. He’d always thought she was gorgeous, sure. She was. But after Saturday, his feelings for her became so much more. It was exhilarating. But also scary. He found himself looking for her among the unfamiliar faces, hoping he’d see her. Just the thought of her put a smile on his face.

He tore his phone out of his pocket and checked his messages. Sana had told him she’d be by a bench. He looked around and spotted her sitting with two of her friends, Vilde and Chris.

“Yeah it does depend on the mattress and bed, like, have you tried a really hard bed? They’re amazing,” Vilde said with doe eyes and a sloppy grin.

Chris furrowed her brows in confusion. “You mean a waterbed? How would a hard bed be comfortable to fuck in?”

Vilde tilted her head in confusion and curled her lips. Meanwhile Sana raised her brows with her phone in hand, only half focusing on the conversation.

“Yeah, yeah it was a waterbed.” Vilde said with a certainty in her voice.

As he walked over, he smiled at the girls and pulled out the notebook in his bag. He gave it to Sana who responded with a satisfied smirk. “Thank you.”

A wary smile surfaced on Elias’ lips. “Today’s the last day, right?”

“Well actually the last day was yesterday, but I figured you wouldn’t bother checking the actual dates.”

Elias managed a stony expression at Sana as she grinned smugly. Sana… Always a step ahead. He shook his head as he snorted. “Well…” he trailed off, subtly looking around him, searching for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. “I guess I’m gonna go now.”

Sana nodded and smiled at him. The girls smiled at him and said their goodbyes.

Elias started walking towards his car, and just as he was about to text Laila, he finally saw her. He smiled to himself. She was standing by the entrance of the courtyard wearing a black turtleneck that hugged her every feature and some mom jeans. As he looked to the person standing next to her, his smile faltered. Beside her stood a guy, towering over her. He had blond hair and looked like he was about Elias’ age, if not a bit older. They looked as if they were in a heated argument.

Elias gulped. He felt like someone had taken a few thousand needles and was stabbing him repeatedly in his chest. He wouldn’t have thought much of it if it weren’t for the look on Laila’s face. She turned suddenly noticing Elias standing there. With his mouth slightly agape, she widened her eyes and shifted her gaze from him to the guy beside her.

Laila rubbed at her temples, her eyes full of sorrow. She said something to the guy, but Elias was too far away to hear. She barged ahead, abruptly walking away, but the guy ran after her.

Elias stood frozen in place for a few seconds unsure of what to do, before he mustered his courage and stepped inside his car and drove away.

* * *

 

 

**NEVER ENDING CYCLE**

Elias prostrated before his prayer rug. He was supposed to meet up with the boys in a few minutes. Kneeling down, he whispered under his breath in Arabic, “God is the greatest.” With a deep exhale, he uttered, “O my Lord, forgive me.”

He had been praying more often ever since last week, feeling lighter with each prayer. Although, right now he had a hard time focusing on the prayer at hand; he was too busy thinking about Laila. He hadn’t heard from her since Tuesday when he’d seen her with some guy. Even Sana told him she hadn’t been in class the last few days, which certainly didn’t help his uneasiness. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling this awful; there had never really been anything between them. But that didn’t stop his heart from aching.

Pressing his fingers to his temples in mid prayer, he tried to clear his mind and be completely present. And it worked. For a few seconds, he relished in the feeling of Sujood and the calm he experienced throughout. Once again the need for release overtook him, but the tears refused to come.

Elias finished off his prayer with a plea for forgiveness, as he said, “Our Lord. Forgive us our sins and efface our bad deeds and take our souls in the company of the righteous.”

Lastly, he prayed that Laila was okay.

As Elias picked up his prayer rug, a text appeared on his phone. As if she could read his thoughts, he looked down at the screen and saw it was from Laila. His heartbeat quickened.

**Laila: Wanna hang out?**

**Elias: Right now?**

**Laila: Yeah**

**Laila: I’m being spontaneous :)**

**Elias: Haha ok let’s do it :D**

Elias furrowed his brows, more confused than ever. He had so many questions. But despite that, he sure as hell wasn’t going to say no to a date with Laila. Or…whatever it was.

He quickly texted the boys that he wouldn’t be able to come and got ready.

* * *

**((( Electric Love - BØRNS )))**

“Look Laila! That’s you!” Elias laughed, pointing to a statue in front of him of a huge, disgruntled, and funny looking baby.

As they walked around Vigeland park, the slight breeze that rustled the leaves was an inviting contrast to the hot beams of sunlight beating down on Elias and Laila’s skin. The numerous statues around them decorated the park’s landscape. Freshly cut green grass surrounded them on all sides of the trail.

Laila, who was wearing a light red top, turned towards the statue that Elias had been pointing at and gasped mockingly. She looked around at the statues speculatively before finally turning towards a statue of a man holding up his four kids sporting a noticeably tiny male organ.

Laila turned to Elias and said, “Look Elias! That’s you!” mimicking him.

“So I’m a father? I don’t remember having 4 kids?”

“No you’re the dick.” Laila laughed.

Elias gave her a straight-faced look before shaking his head as a grin quickly surfaced on his face at her satisfied beam.

“What? You said it yourself,” Laila reminded him teasingly.

“Well at least I’m not a huge dick,” Elias retorted, furrowing his brows at the peculiar statue in front of him. The artist certainly hadn’t been very generous in regards to a certain organ. Elias turned to Laila with a chuckle and said, “No but seriously, look at it, it’s smaller than like, half of my pinky.” He turned to examine it, putting his pinky finger next to it and it was indeed the size of half his pinky.

Laila burst out laughing, clutching her chest and Elias started laughing alongside her, not caring if the people around them were looking at them weirdly.

They turned towards a statue of what looked like a bunch of kids and grownups sitting in some broccoli. Elias tilted his head in confusion and said, “I swear these statues are the weirdest shit ever.”

Laila narrowed her eyes, “It’s art.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call kids crawling inside broccoli, art.”

Laila paused. She furrowed her brows. “That’s a tree.”

Elias widened his eyes, “That’s definitely broccoli.”

“Why would a bunch of kids crawl inside broccoli?!”

“I don’t know?! The same reason they crawl in trees?” Elias said exasperatedly.

“That’s called kindergarten.” Laila retorted dryly with a deadpan expression.

Elias tilted his head in thought, thinking she probably had a point. He glanced outward at the park with a sly smirk and said, “The last one to the other end of the park loses the argument!” He hastily raced forward. Within seconds, Laila was running beside him, adamant on getting ahead of him with a glowing beam planted on her face. Elias drew a deep breath and quickened his pace. Within seconds, he neared the other end of the park, moments before she did.

Laila crossed her arms at her arrival and huffed with a teasing smile at the corner of her lips. “Whatever, it’s still a tree.”

“Broccoliii,” Elias singsonged teasingly. Laila shook her head and rolled her eyes in response, a smile on both of their lips.

* * *

Minutes later, Elias and Laila walked side by side across the park, ice cream cones in their hands. The sky had darkened overhead, gradually turning from a light blue to an orange-reddish color.

Elias turned to Laila, who was busy licking her vanilla flavoured ice cream. He frowned slightly, remembering her troubled expression from a few days ago. He wished he could just focus on the date at hand, instead of allowing these intrusive thoughts to fill his head, but he couldn’t. He wanted to ask her who the guy was, if he was her boyfriend, why she hadn’t been answering his texts? But he didn’t want to seem too desperate, so he kept quiet.

Laila turned to him, her full pink lips raised upwards into a smile. He looked down at his slightly melting chocolate ice cream cone.

“I needed…wanted to go out today.” she said as she turned away.

“Aww, so I was the first one you thought of?” Elias teased with a slight chuckle.

Laila arched a sly brow. “Who said you were?”

“Ouch.” he chuckled.

Laila looked at him pensively before beaming, “You were. The first one.”

Elias’s heart fluttered. He smirked at her and said, “I knew it.”

Laila snorted and rolled her eyes. She glanced at him before looking down at his nose and turned bug-eyed.

Elias furrowed his brows, “What?” he asked.

“You’ve got something on your nose.” She went closer to him, still staring at his nose as if he had grown another one.

“What is it?” he asked, he raised his hand, trying to wipe whatever it was from off his nose.

Without warning, Laila grabbed the ice cream cone from his grasp and smushed it into his face.

He paused with wide eyes. Laila erupted into laughter at the sight of his entire nose and mouth covered in ice cream. Elias pursed his lips and shook his head, unable to keep the grin off his face. He wiped most of it off as he turned to her, “You didn’t.”

Laila was still laughing as she raised her brows. “Oh I did.”

Elias raised his brows, eyeing the ice cream cone in her hands. Laila recognizing the mischievous gleam in his eyes, ran away from him, shrieking with laughter. As he raced after her, Laila desperately tried to keep her ice cream as far away from Elias as possible, knowing full well he’d use it as a weapon. Elias quickly outran her and started tickling her. She giggled and yelled, “Stop, stop, stop!”

Elias paused and stopped tickling her. They both tried stifling their laughter, but to no avail.  

Laila threatened to tickle him back but Elias raised his hands up in surrender. She grinned before she looked down at his lips pensively, using her thumb to wipe the leftover ice cream from his mouth.

Elias drew in a sharp breath at the feel of her fingers on his lips. He gulped. Suddenly he found it extremely difficult to breathe. Both of them shifted a fraction closer to each other, their lips mere inches away.

Laila gulped noticeably and looked down, avoiding his eyes.

Out of nowhere, something on the ground caught her eye as she said, “Look! This flower is really pretty.” She plucked it from the grass, revealing a striped flower with alternating colors of red and white. “It’s a carnation.” she explained. She shifted her eyes from the flower to Elias.

Elias raised his brows in amusement. “Are you giving me a flower?”

Laila grinned and nodded her head confidently. “Wait,” she said. She looked up at Elias and tucked the single flower behind his ear, beaming at him.

Elias laughed at the thought of how ridiculous he might be looking right now with a flower behind his ear. Still he couldn’t bring himself to remove it.

* * *

Elias and Laila sat on a rooftop, chatting animatedly while devouring the pizza between them. The sun had set a few hours ago. They’d watched the sky turn a dark blue, as a small smattering of stars lit up the night. Laila sat cross legged, a large piece of pizza in her hand. Elias chuckled as he told Laila about Yousef’s jealousy. “I swear I’ve never seen a more desperate dude than him.”

Laila laughed, “He seems like a good guy. I’ve seen him and Sana together. They seem…perfect.”

Elias nodded.

“But wait, how does Sana know that guy is gay?” she said referring to Ali.

Elias snorted and shrugged, “She said she just knows. There’s a point in your life where you just accept that she’s always right and you stop questioning her.”

Laila laughed in response. Elias watched as she finished another piece. She looked up at him, trying to stifle her laugh as she covered her mouth with her hand. “God, this is the worst food to eat on a first date,” she exclaimed.

Elias beamed. “So this is a date, huh?”

Laila cocked her head at him in amusement. She threw a small piece of pizza at him which he quickly dodged, moving out of the way. Elias laughed at her failed attempt.

“What’s that guy’s name?” Laila asked.

“Hmm?” Elias asked.

“The guy Sana thinks is gay. Maybe I know him and if he’s actually gay. You know, I have an amazing gaydar, if I do say so myself.”

“Ali.”

Laila tilted her head in thought. “That’s the name of literally every fifth Muslim guy, I’m gonna need a bit more information.”

“Tall dude, beard, pretty handsome.”

Laila furrowed her brows, “Wait…is he like…a bit shy, with hair that looks like it belongs in a shampoo commercial?”

Elias furrowed his brows, “Well, yeah.”

Laila laughed, “He definitely isn’t gay I can tell you that.”

“Well maybe we don’t have the same guy. He’s a medical student or something.”

“Medical student? Then it’s definitely not the same guy. The Ali I know studies business at uni, he’s friends with my older brother.”

Elias nodded and finished his last piece of pizza. Laila groaned, stroking her stomach as she exclaimed, “I ate way too much,” eliciting a chuckle from Elias.

**((( Long Way Down - Tom Odell )))**

Laila stood up from the floor of the roof and let out a deep breath. “You know what? Today has been an interesting day.”

Elias raised his brows at the abrupt change of subject. “Why?”

She looked at him with an indecipherable expression and said, “You know how people tell you that the shitty stuff in your life will pass and good stuff will happen eventually?” She paused. “Well what they don’t tell you is that the shitty stuff never really passes. Just when you find yourself on the cusp of happiness, it comes back in full force. So the real question is; should you be content knowing that you get to experience happiness after sadness or should you be depressed knowing that happiness will inevitably lead to sadness again, leaving you perpetually stuck in a never ending cycle?”

Elias raised his brows, trying to process what she’d just said. “I…I guess it depends on what you choose to focus on. Some could argue that sadness doesn’t really exist, that it’s just a lack of happiness. Just like darkness doesn’t exist; it’s a lack of light. You could spend all the time in the world dreading the day you aren’t happy anymore, and then when it hits, realize you’ve spent all of your time focusing on the future and the inevitability instead of enjoying the now.”

Laila tilted her head, deep in thought. She smiled softly at him. “You know my mom would say the exact same. She believes in an afterlife.”

“Don’t you?”

She paused, “I do but…the thought makes me kinda sad. My mom says that no matter what happens in this life, we’ll be rewarded in the afterlife.”

“Why does that make you sad?”

“Because it insinuates that what we go through doesn’t matter, because in the end, we’ll be rewarded.”

Elias tilted his head in thought, eternally stunned by Laila’s infinite intelligence. “To me that sounds like a good thing, but that’s probably because it’s so subjective.

“You’re such an optimist.” She grinned, lightening the mood.

“Well someone has to be. Especially when you’re going around being all deep and talking about the afterlife and shit. Someone needs to balance it out,” Elias scoffed, eliciting a laugh from Laila.

Elias smiled to himself as he stood up, motioning to her, “Can I walk you home?”

She nodded, “I’d love that.”

**((( Atlas: Heart - Sleeping at Last )))**

He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of today and tomorrow and the day after that with Laila.

They walked side by side in comfortable silence, occasionally glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes. Every single movement of the body and facial expression spoke volumes. It was that moment, that Elias realized that talking wasn’t always communicating. Right here, right now in this moment with Laila, Elias was more content than he had ever felt in his life. The same kind of content he felt when praying.

After some time, they had reached her doorstep. Elias made a note to remember the directions. He hoped this would be one of the many more times he’d walk her to her house.

Laila stopped to turn towards him, flashing him a toothy grin. At the sight of Laila’s beyond adorable smile, Elias had one nagging thought in his head that he’d been trying to suppress ever since Tuesday. Who was that guy with Laila?

She noticed his change in demeanour and frowned, “What’s wrong?”

Elias looked down, gulping visibly, “That guy…from Tuesday. Is he your boyfriend?” He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. He knew she didn’t owe him anything. He knew he shouldn’t have asked, but the not knowing was killing him.

Laila’s face faltered. “No.”

Elias wasn’t entirely convinced, but he decided to let it go. He couldn’t convey how much it hurt him to see her upset. He didn’t want to contribute to her unhappiness by nagging her. He nodded in acknowledgement.

Laila looked up at him.

In a matter of seconds, he wound his arms around her in a tight embrace as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Elias felt the tension leave his body as he felt her let out a slow breath.

As they drew away slightly from each others’ grasp, Laila gazed down at his lips. Elias’ heart stopped. All of their near kisses had led to this moment. But they had always ended the same way; Laila always pulled away from him at the last second. He needed to be sure she wanted to kiss him. The ball was in her court.

Laila drew closer by a mere inch. He could feel her warm breath on his face.

All at once, he closed the distance between them, gently brushing his lips against hers.

It was slow and soft. Better than anything he could have imagined. As they deepened the kiss, she parted her mouth slightly. Elias’ thumb caressed her cheek, her hand rested on his chest.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Elias gazed at Laila as she looked down with a shy smile. Gradually, she looked back up at him with a grin and Elias couldn’t help but beam at her. With a quick kiss and a heartfelt smile, Laila said, “I should go.”

Elias nodded. As he watched her walk inside her door, his heart went into overdrive all over again.


	5. DISTRACTED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A season 5 continuation of SKAM with Elias Bakkoush as the main. The blog @SKAMELIAS will be updated in realtime with subchapters, text updates, instagram updates. On friday the full chapter is posted on ao3.

**DISTRACTED**

**5.1 Mandag 30.10.17 16.47**

**(((Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean)))**

***TWO MONTHS LATER***

The small cafe usually bristling with customers and people milling about was practically empty today save for him and the bored employee manning the counter as Elias perused the glossy round tables and gleaming cash register. The hum of cappuccino machine in the far corner the only background noise in the otherwise quiet space. The glass windows to his right showcased the bright clear sky outside and the towering brownstone buildings neighboring the coffee shop. 

He had just finished up his intro photography course and wanted to get a head start on his assignments. Of course, his end goal wasn’t to become a photographer, but he did enjoy it a lot more than any of the science courses he’d forced himself through so many weeks ago. The past two months had been one nonstop blur of delving into his classes, and lectures, desperately trying to find something that peaked his interests. 

As he sat there thinking about the numerous projects he needed to get done, his thoughts couldn't help but subconsciously drift to a certain brown haired girl who’d hadnt left his mind since she’d left two months ago. 

He wondered what she was doing at that moment. He wondered if he crossed her mind at all, or if he was just a passing memory, fading every day like a dream upon waking, or like footsteps on a sandy beach. He drew his phone out and tapped his messages; scrolling through them until he found the ones he was looking for. The old messages shared between Laila and him. It was almost as if he pored over the words long enough he could find the exact message, the exact moment when it had all gone down hill.

The first few days he’d called her, sent her texts, left her voicemails, but all of it was in vain. She hadnt responded to his attempts at reaching out and after a while, Elias had ashamedly given up hope of ever seeing Laila again. It was the uncertainty of it all that he couldn't stand. He’d even tried contacting Anja, Laila’s friend who he figured would at least know her whereabouts. But it turned out she was just as withholding and made sure that Elias knew on no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to divulge any details about what happened to Laila. The only thing she was willing to tell him was that Laila had moved away from Oslo, a few days after their impromptu date. 

A small part of him couldn't help but feel that she had left because of him. Had he done something wrong? He’d tried to come up with various reasons why she left, each reason more unlikely than the last. 

In the end, he decided it didn't matter. He would get over her if it was the last thing he did. He couldn't afford to pine after her any more, especially when it seemed she didn't care enough about him to try to reach out.

He closed his laptop with a determined click, and grabbed his bag from off the floor. It was late afternoon and he needed to get home. He quickly glanced at the young man behind the counter to see if he’d fallen asleep, but he had disappeared into the back room. As he made his way out of the shop, the crisp fall air quickly enveloped his senses, and Elias burrowed himself in his black woolen jacket. 

He only made it a few steps before bumping into a familiar figure on the sidewalk.

It was Mikael. 

“Mikael? What are you doing here?” Elias asked incredulously.

Mikael raised his brows in astonishment, clearly taken aback at seeing Elias here. “Oh hey Elias, I was just meeting someone.” He flitted his gaze from Elias to a flock of pigeons congregating on the sidewalk across the street before looking back at Elias, fidgeting with his hands.

“Who were you meeting? Mutta’s still in class I think, Yousef’s meeting Sana, and both Adam and Even are at work…” 

“It’s no one. So how was your photography class?” Mikael asked

Elias frowned. “It was good.” He didn't bother to mention that instead of studying, he had spent the last half hour thinking about Laila for the millionth time. 

Mikael nodded. “Are we still on for tomorrow? The Halloween party?”

“Yeah, we are.”

Elias had completely forgotten about the party. But he was grateful for the opportunity to think about something else for a few hours.

“I was going to ask you, for tomorrow, I’m in charge of alcohol for the party and you know how Bakka kids love to drink so did you want me to bring extra beer for you too?”

“No...it’s ok…..I’ve been trying to stay away from alcohol now that I’ve started praying again,” Elias confessed.

“Oh yah, thats right. I remember you telling us that you’ve starting praying five times a day again? Has that been helping you?” Mikael inquired.

“Honestly? I’ve been really distracted lately and I can't seem to get out of my head long enough to feel lighter like I used to. It’s been a weird few weeks...” Elias sighed in slight frustration. He looked back at Mikael who could somehow tell something was off about him as he met his sympathetic glance. 

“So have you heard from Laila?” Mikael finally asked, as if reading his mind.

Elias shook his head in defeat. “No. For all I know she could still be here in Oslo but she’s just been ignoring me for the past two months hoping I’ll take the hint…” He looked across the street forlornly.

“But didn't you say her friend said she moved away or something?”

“Yah but I don't know what’s true or what’s not anymore. Part of me just wants to get over her already.” 

Mikael smiled and punched Elias’ shoulder playfully. “Don’t worry bro, I’ll help you get over her. I’ve got your back.”

Elias’ lips upturned into a small grin. He nodded, suddenly glad that he had run into Mikael when he had.

“How are you supposed to be my wingman and help me get over Laila when you’re always off disappearing somewhere at every party we go to?” Elias teased.

Mikael rolled his eyes. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”

**BREATHE**

**5.2 Torsdag 2.11.17 15.32**

**(((Ég anda-Sigur Rós)))**

“Our Lord. Forgive us our sins and efface our bad deeds and take our souls in the company of the righteous.”

Elias lifted his head up and adjusted himself into a sitting position on the prayer rug. 

The silence of the empty apartment hung in the air, the still quiet so pervasive, he could hear his beating heart echo loudly in his chest.

_Just breathe_

Despite what he’d said to Mikael the other day, Elias couldn't stop himself from trying desperately to find some sort of guidance through prayer; he couldn't get Laila out of his mind. Flashes of her appeared before his eyes. Her hair. Her smile. Her laugh. The way she had looked at him, his soul laid bare before him in her dark brown eyes, seconds before she leaned in and kissed him. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about the possibility of her coming back, seeing her after all this time, no matter how unlikely it was. What would he say to her? Would he be angry at her for leaving without any word? Would he would be happy to see her? What would she say to him?

He needed to stop worrying about her, she had clearly not given him a second thought and it was getting pathetic at this point, grieving a relationship he never actually had.

He moved his head from one side to the other, expelling his breath as he finished his prayer.

He hesitantly got up from the prayer mat and picked it up off the floor. He rubbed a tired hand over his face and sighed. 

He looked around his room and his eyes landed on the mini basketball lying on top of his bedside table, barely concealed by his forgotten books and camera tripod.

He thought back to that Friday night all those weeks ago that Laila and her friend had spent the night. When would everything stop reminding him of her? He couldn't even look at a basketball without thinking of her. 

He needed to clear his head.

He grabbed his shoes from his closet and walked out the bedroom door, into the living room, and stepped over the threshold into the backyard where the basketball hoop was waiting for him.

He looked around and found an old basketball near an abandoned lawn chair resting against the apartment wall.

He leaned down to pick it up and dribbled once, twice, before raising his hands above his head and aimed for the hoop. He watched the ball cruise through the air and bounce off the rim before falling to the ground.

He tried this a few more times, but each time he attempted to throw the ball through the net, it ricocheted off the backboard and landed somewhere off the court. 

Elias was so preoccupied with lining up the ball for his next shot that he startled by the sudden sound of the door swinging open as he heard small footfalls on the pavement leading into the backyard. 

He turned around and was met with a slightly bemused Sana. She crossed her arms. 

“That hoop is kicking your ass in basketball...I thought that was my job,” Sana smirked.

“When did you get home?” Elias asked in bewilderment.

“Just now, I saw you playing from the window in the kitchen. What’s wrong?” She looked at him quizzically.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Elias shrugged and turned back towards the hoop, taking another shot and missing once again. He leaned down and caught the ball in his hands as it fell towards him.

“Pass me the ball,” Sana declared.

Elias looked at her and back at the ball in his arms. Finally, he sighed and tossed it to her and watched as she swiftly caught it. She took her stance and threw the ball straight into the hoop. He heard the inevitable swish of the net. She smiled back at him.

Rolling his eyes at her, he picked up the ball again and rather than throwing it, he dribbled around him, switching it between his hands. 

“How was your date with Yousef last night?” Elias asked.

Sana was unable to hide the small smile that bloomed on her face, a brilliant twinkle in her eyes at the mention of Yousef. “It was really good.” Elias caught the tail end of a blush appear on Sana’s cheeks before she quickly regained her composure and stole the ball out from under him, aiming for the net once more.

“He took me to the movies and then we went to that new kebab place.”

Elias grinned. He couldn’t help but revel in his sister’s happiness; it was infectious, and he had honestly never been happier for both her and his best friend.

He turned away and positioned the ball over his head again.

After yet another failed attempt at hitting the basket, Elias groaned in frustration, rubbing the back of his head.

Sana paused, as if she was contemplating saying something or not. Eventually, she retrieved the ball from the bushes and dribbled it before tossing it to Elias. “Have you heard back from Laila yet?”

As Elias caught the ball, his body stilled.

“No,” he said simply.

“Have you tried reaching out to her?”

Elias gave her a deadpan glare.

“You know I have. She just doesnt want to be contacted….at least not by me.”

“It just doesn’t make sense, why she would leave like that so suddenly, without warning or saying anything?

“I’ve been asking myself the same question,” Elias sighed.

“Well, there must be a reason,” Sana reasoned.

“I’m sure there is, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be lucky enough to get that explanation,” Elias confessed.

“Elias, do you still have feelings for her?” Sana inquired.

His first impulse was to say no. But he couldn't lie to Sana, not when she knew him so well.

“Yeah...I do,” Elias acknowledged. “But it’s pointless…”

“If you really like her, then don’t give up on her.”

Elias shook his head. Sana didn't understand; she hadnt lived with the constant ache that Laila left in him after she took off without giving him a second thought. 

“Laila gave up on us a long time ago by disappearing for two months,” Elias professed, his eyes shot downward. He dropped the ball and watched it bounce before rolling off to the side of the metal swingset, near a sad patch of weeds sticking out from the concrete.

Sana put her hand on her hip. “You won't feel that way when you see her again,” Sana asserted.

“If I see her again,” Elias said.

Sana rolled her eyes. “Come on, stop moping out here. I’ll make you some popcorn, and we can watch some netflix.”

Elias perked up somewhat at that suggestion. “I could go for that right about now.”

Sana smiled, her dimples peeking through. “Yeah I figured.”

**LET GO**

**5.3 Fredag 3.11.17 20:46**

**(((BBB-Arif ft Unge Ferrari)))**

As he walked up the entryway to Nadim’s place, the guys trailing behind him, Elias could hear loud thumping music coming from inside the house. He rang the doorbell twice before burying his hands in his pockets as he stared at the white glass door in front him, the biting chill in the air slightly uncomfortable.

Out of the corner of his eye, Elias noticed Mikael run a nervous hand through his hair. Since when did Mikael worry about his appearance? He wondered what that was about. 

His thoughts were interrupted as the door suddenly opened and Nadim appeared in front of him, a broad smile on his face at the sight of them.

“Hey, you guys you made it!!” Nadim remarked. He bumped fists with Elias and nodded to the rest of them. Elias thought back to the last time he’d been to the Khoury house; it’d been a while. Nadim had been friends with Elias since 8th grade when their parents went to the same mosque and they were enrolled in quran classes together. But when Nadim stared Nissen, he’d starting hanging out with the “Penetrators”; a group of rich assholes who thought they were all god’s gift to the world. Despite the fact that they had all graduated they still insisted on being called that. Why Nadim still hung out with them, Elias didn’t know. He stepped aside to let the guys in, before closing the door behind them.

“Congrats on having the house to yourself, bro,” Adam said, slapping Nadim on the back.

“Thanks, man. Also feel free to help yourself to the beer, or whatever drinks you want,” Nadim mentioned, pointing to the makeshift bar in the corner of the living room.

The lights were dimmed somewhat so Elias could barely make out where he was stepping. He looked around for familiar faces as the guys came up behind him. 

“I’ll see you guys in a bit,” Mikael gave them a cursory wave before he wandered off to the back of the house, leaving the rest of them standing around near the entrance of the living room. 

“I’m gonna go find Chris,” Mutta said, winking at them before he took off towards the dance floor.

Out of the corner of his eye, Elias saw Sana walking towards the rest of them, a small smile on her face. He watched Yousef’s face light up at the sight of her. 

Elias rolled his eyes in amusement. “You guys see each other almost everyday, aren't you out of this honeymoon phase already?” Elias teased.

They glanced at him with wide eyes, before Yousef said, “It’s not a phase bro.”

Sana gave Yousef her famous dimpled smile before she turned to Elias, a fiery spark in her eyes as if she was keeping a secret. A secret that only she knew about.

“What? What’s that look?” Elias asked.

“Nothing, I just love being proven right, and that’s exactly what’s happening right now,” Sana smirked.

“Was that an explanation?” Elias furrowed his brows in bemusement.

“Guess who’s here tonight?” 

“I don’t know Sana, just tell me already,” Elias shook his head.

And then she said the five letter word that set his insides on his fire. The name that had occupied his thoughts for so long.

“Laila,” she said smugly.

And it was if hearing that she was near sent a shockwave through him, so deep, he could feel it in his bones. It was several seconds before he could find his voice again.

“Ho-How do you know?” Elias demanded, his voice shaking.

“Anja is here, and she bumped into me and Noora and told us,” Sana said finally.

“Where is she?” Elias scanned the room with silent desperation, hoping beyond all hope his eyes would land on hers.

“Are you guys talking about Laila?” Noora asked, as she strode up to where they had been standing.

Elias turned to her, suddenly alert, before he hastily asked. “Yeah, do you know where she is?”

Noora shook her head. “I’m not sure, but I heard that while she was away, she got back together with her ex.”

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He couldn't think properly. 

“Where did you hear that?” Elias asked quietly.

“Someone who knows someone who apparently is friends with her brother or something?” Noora replied. 

Got back together…..with her ex?

What did that mean? Elias didn't understand. She had been gone two months. In all this time he’d never imagined her hooking up with someone else. He thought that she had felt the same way he did all those weeks ago. All of a sudden, he felt sick at the thought of Laila getting together with some other guy. 

How could he have been this stupid?

Of course she moved on from him? He hadn't meant anything to her. She had tossed him aside like two week old garbage. 

Sana looked at Elias with concern in her eyes. She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched at the abrupt contact. He shook off Sana and Yousef’s worried glances and said, “Don’t worry, I’m over her, she can do whatever she wants.”

“Elias….” Yousef started.

Elias waved him off. “It’s fine, really. I’m just gonna go outside and chill for a little bit, don’t wait up for me.”

He glanced towards the makeshift bar across the room. The bottles gleaming on the table, ready for the taking. All of a sudden, his throat itched with the need to drown his sorrows.

He disappeared into the crowd, his legs moving before his mind could catch up and before he could talk himself out of it, his hands found purchase on a bottle of whiskey. He scrunched his eyes up, wondering if he was doing the right thing. 

_Screw it_

He unscrewed the lid and drank straight from the bottle. The bitter, sharp taste immediately engulfed his mouth. The alcohol seared his tongue and left his throat burning.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this. He’d worked so hard to stay on track and keep it together, but he couldn't bear it anymore and he allowed himself this one consolation; to lose control if only for tonight.

Except he knew this pain wouldn't go away overnight.

He took another gulp, squeezing his eyes shut, as he heard a faint ringing in the back of his head. It gradually grew louder and louder, threatening to fill his ears. He ran a hand over his eyes in exhaustion. 

“Elias?”

His breath caught in his throat. He turned around at the sound of the new voice. 

It was Isabel.

He couldn't help but feel slightly deflated.

“Hey,” Elias replied, his voice slightly hoarse.

“Mind if I join you?” Isabel asked grabbing a glass for herself and filling it up.

He shook his head and returned to the bottle in his hands.

“I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been? I’ve missed you.” Isabel smiled at him and winked.

Elias wished he could just be alone, but he didn't want to be rude so he politely nodded. “I’ve been around. Here and there.”

Isabel laughed and threw her hair over her shoulder. “You're always so funny,” 

Elias raised his brows in confusion. “I didn't--

But a deafening noise outside drew Elias’ attention away mid sentence.

He tilted his head towards the backyard, where he saw Mikael and a couple of guys he didn't recognize. It looked like they were in the middle of an argument. Mikael had an unsettled expression on his face.

“Hold that thought,” Elias uttered to Isabel. He walked outside towards Mikael, stumbling slightly along the way, the edges of his vision started to blur a little.

“What’s going on here?” Elias asked, glancing over at the guys. One had dark brown hair and was wearing a red hoodie with the words “Penetrators 2016” displayed on the fabric. The other one was tall and had on a tan leather jacket. Elias took note of the way one of the guys’ fist began to curl by his sides. 

“Elias, it’s ok. I was just leaving,” Mikael attempted to lightly shove Elias’ shoulder in the direction of the house.

“Tell your friend to mind his business,” said the tall one dismissively.

“It’s my business if you’re hassling my friend.” Elias demanded.

“Someone needs to show this homo his place,” sneered the brown-haired guy, flashing a look of disgust at Mikael.

Anger flashed through Elias. He felt his jaw clench, his pulse rising to an unsteady pace. “What did you say?!”

“You heard me, tell your friend that homos aren't welcome here,” the brown-haired guy laughed. 

Before he could stop himself, Elias lunged forward and pushed one of the guys in the chest hard. “Who do you think you are asshole?” Elias growled as he knocked him straight in the face.

The tall one drew his arm back and landed a hard blow to the right side of Elias’ frame, near his stomach.

He felt the wind knocked out of him; a searing pain started to spread across his chest. He staggered backwards a few feet. He felt the faint ringing in his ears once again before he grabbed one of them by the collar and aimed for another punch.

“Yeah of fucking course you would fight me, people like you are all the same.” The brown-haired guy spat blood out of his mouth.

“ELIAS IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!” Mikael shouted in desperation, struggling to push Elias away from them.

The pleading tone in Mikael’s voice immediately brought Elias back to himself. He stilled, dropping his arms to his sides, the brown-haired guy shook him off. He felt the sting of his stomach as he drew in shallow breaths.

The tall guy flipped him off before grabbing a nearby can of beer and heading back inside the house, his friend following along behind him, shoved Elias’ shoulder as he glared daggers at him.

Elias turned towards Mikael, whose eyes had shifted from concern to fury in a matter of seconds. “What the hell was that?”

“Why the fuck do you always do this?” Mikael raised his voice, frustration etched upon his face.

“Are you seriously angry at me right now? I’m not the enemy here. I was defending you,” Elias said in equal parts bewilderment and anger.

“Don’t you see, they’ll always think that we’re the bad guys, no matter what we do,” Mikael shook his head.

“How--”Elias broke off mid sentence, suspended in disbelief. 

He couldn’t be around Mikael right now. He needed to get out of there. He willed his legs to move; turning away from Mikael, he walked back inside the house.

He only made it a few feet before Isabel hurried up to him and threw her arms around him.  
“Oh my god, Elias, are you okay? I saw the fight. Are you hurt?” Isabel gazed at him apprehensively. 

He waved her off as best he could. “I’m fine, it was just a stupid fight. I’m over it.”

As he looked around, trying to find his way back to the drinks table, a shiver passed through his spine. 

He felt a pair of eyes on him. 

Instinctively, he tilted his head to the left, only to find the brown eyes that he’d been dreaming about for two months staring back at him. His heart stopped for a split second. 

_It was Laila._

She was really here, standing in the same room as him for the first time in so long, a mere ten feet away, wearing her signature black turtleneck sweater, her brown curly locks tucked into a neat braid.

And all at once, everything came rushing back.

The first time he’d laid eyes on her. The first time they talked. The first time they laughed together. The first time they kissed. The way her body had moulded perfectly with his as he held her in his arms.

Seeing her again lit something inside of him, an old familiar feeling that he hadn't experienced in so long.

He gazed back at her; an inscrutable emotion flitted across her face. He couldn't quite make out what it was in the dim lighting.

And all at once, he felt the entire weight of reality pressing in on him. 

It hit him like a ton of bricks, that ever pervasive and gut wrenching truth. What had led him to take the first drink he’d taken in months. 

“While she was away, she got back together with her ex.”

Wasn’t that what Noora had said only moments before? Laila had moved on. And Elias was left to pick up the pieces of his heart.

He watched as Laila attempted to brush past the people in front of her, slowly making her way towards him.

Elia imagined what she would say to him; she would tell him that she’d seen the fight in the backyard. That she could never be with someone like him; someone who acted first, and thought later. That she was glad she’d gotten back together with her ex.

He couldn't bear hearing that. He couldn't face her, not after what had happened tonight.

He turned to Isabel, who was still standing next to him, waiting for him to say something. “Do you want to get out of here?” Elias searched her eyes.

Isabel’s eyes darkened somewhat in desire, gazing at his lips as she nodded.

He took her hand in his and lead the way out of Nadim’s house. 

********

**(((Never The Same-Samuel Proffitt)))**

The opaque night sky was lit by a smattering of stars as Elias walked quietly next to Isabel. He was unaware of how much time had passed by since they’d started walking. He didn’t even realize when he finally reached Isabel’s place, until the front porch loomed in front of him.

She led him inside, hastily dropping her jacket on the floor. Shutting the door behind them, Isabel wasted no time in pressing her body against his, wrapping her arms around his neck as she crashed her lips to his.

She ran a hand up his chest and he grabbed her waistline. His heartbeat quickened as he tangled his hand in her hair, and deepened the kiss. She lifted his shirt off of him and then made quick work of her own.

The soft press of her skin against his a temporary fix. But a short-lived solace was all Elias could hope for. He would take it if it meant alleviating some of his pain.

He lost himself In Isabel’s embrace, the liquor in his system clouded his judgments so that he was numb.

He wanted to let go, to just slip away. And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special THANK YOU to Cristina @sanabakkousk on tumblr for all your hard work on producing skamelias!! And another big thank you to Rida @ree-duh on tumblr, our amazing illustrator. You guys make this season so great!


	6. GUILTY

**FORGIVE ME**

**6.1 Lordag 4.11.17 11.05**

The vivid light peeking through the heavy crimson curtains shone directly into Elias’ eyes as he groggily ran a hand over his face

His mouth was dry and he had a splitting headache, the remnants of last night’s alcohol in his system dulling his senses.

Where was he?

He couldn't remember how he’d gotten here, laying in some strange bed. He shifted his head marginally, so as not to aggravate his migraine further; the first thing he noticed was that he wasn't alone. 

And then it slowly came back to him, bit by bit.

Noora telling him that Laila had gotten back together with her ex. The drinking. The fight. Seeing Laila for the first time in two months. Going home with….

Isabel. He looked at her sleeping form next to him.

_Shit._

He’d really fucked up this time. He couldn't believe his drunken self thought this was a good idea. He almost felt like laughing at how utterly pathetic this situation was.

He groaned with the effort it took to raise himself up a little, grabbing his phone where it lay neglected along with the rest of his clothes strewn on the floor. 

As soon as he got up, he realized it was a mistake. A big mistake. He felt queasy, as if he was seconds away from vomiting on Isabel's bed.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to quell his nausea. He turned to his phone in his hand, a fortunate distraction from the turmoil in his stomach. 

Turning it on, he squinted at the bright screen, and saw he had several missed messages. Most of them were from his mom, Sana, and Yousef respectively. It wasn't until he reached the last message, that he stopped, his fingers stilled on the screen.

It was from Laila.

**Laila: I saw you at the party, please I need to talk to you it’s important**

His heart kicked into overdrive. 

What did she need to talk to him about?

He noticed a missed call from her a few minutes after she sent the text, along with a voicemail she’d left him.

He took a deep breath before he eagerly pressed play, lowering the volume so as not to wake Isabel.

_“Elias….I don't know if you got my text, but I….I just needed to talk to you. I know I left for two months without saying anything. There’s a reason for that. I know you must be angry but I need to see you and tell you that this thing between us, whatever it is, it’s real. Anyway I hope you can forgive me for leaving like that. Please call me back.”_

His stomach dropped. 

It was all he could to to stop his hands from trembling as he held the phone up to his face. 

He thought in all those weeks they’d spent apart she’d gotten back together with her ex.

Had Noora been wrong? Was that all just a rumor?

For one brief moment, he allowed himself a small flicker of hope that she hadn’t given up on him, on _them._

Until the crushing realization of what he’d done last night came back to haunt him.

He’d finally gotten what he’d wished for for so long. Laila still had feelings for him, only this time he’d messed it up.

She would never forgive him for sleeping with some other girl. Not right after he’d seen her for the first time in two months. Not right after she had laid it all on the line.

He didn't know what to do. The only thing he knew for certain was that he had to get out of there. But at the same time, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for using Isabel like this. 

He threw the covers off of him as slowly as possible so as not to wake her and grabbed his clothes from off the floor. As he was picking up his shoes, Isabel shifted slightly in bed and slowly blinked open her eyes.

“Morning,” she said drowsily, smiling up at him. 

Elias avoided her gaze, casting his eyes downward. “Morning,” he mumbled.

He internally cursed himself for waking her up. But he figured it was better to be honest with her and end it here, whatever this was.

“Are you going somewhere?” Isabel raised herself on one elbow as she watched him in amusement.

“Um...yeah, I have to get home,” Elias said finally looking at her.

She smiled at him. “Last night was fun.”

Elias gave her a fake smile as he said, “Yeah….”

“We should do it again, sometime.”

Elias shut his eyes and sighed, internally cringing at his own stupidity. How could he have led Isabel on like this? He was a terrible person. Even if by some miracle Laila managed to forgive him, he wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself.

“Isabel….” Elias started. He stared at her, mouth slightly open, unsure of what to say, of how to let her down gently. “Isabel I think you’re a great person….but my life is a mess right now and last night….was a mistake. I think I was trying to distract myself from my problems and I shouldn't have done that to you, you don't deserve that. I mean you deserve someone that likes you as much as you like them.”

Isabel stared at him dumbstruck before she quickly shifted her gaze toward the window; she looked crestfallen. The strain of Elias’ guilt unyielding and unrelenting. It seemed like all he did was hurt the people around him.

“I….I’m so sorry. I really am. I hope you can forgive me.” Elias said sincerely.

When Isabel finally turned towards him, he gave her an earnest look. She held eye contact for a few seconds, before she nodded, a small smile curving the corners of her mouth.

“It’s okay Elias, no hard feelings. Thanks for being honest with me. Most guys wouldn't even have bothered,” Isabel confessed. 

Elias gave her the first genuine smile he’d managed in a while. “You know Isabel, you’re one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met. I hope we can still be friends.”

Isabel laughed lightly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she said, “We were never friends Elias.”

**TRY**

**6.2 Tirsdag 7.11.17 12.36**

**(((Er Dette Alt-Cezinando)))**

The clock on his desk read just a little past twelve in the afternoon as Elias pushed his chair back, picking his laptop up from off of the smooth surface, and dumping it onto his unmade bed. He walked out of his room and into the narrow hallway, casting heavy footfalls along the worn carpet. He followed the sound of animated voices coming from the kitchen nearby. 

The voices belonged to his older brother Karim and sister-in-law Jamilla who had both arrived to the Bakkoush household a few short hours ago. They were visiting together for the first time since Eid, back in May. Since then, Jamilla had stopped by several times here and there. Sana in particular loved it when Jamilla came over because it meant they could catch up like old times; they were already as close as sisters even before Karim had married her. 

But it had been a while since he’d seen Karim; his older brother was so busy between school, work, and married life, Elias didn't know how he juggled it all.

Of course Karim had always had his life together, unlike Elias. He’d always been sure of what he wanted to do. He’d always had top marks in every school subject. He’d even been a hundred percent certain about his feelings for Jamilla, practically the second he met her. Conviction was to Karim as doubt was to Elias.

As he moved closer to the kitchen, he could make out more clearly what they were saying. It sounded like Karim and Jamilla were having a lively discussion about what the proper method was to boil potatoes.

“Karim, look how much salt you put in this, listen I won't let you mess up the potatoes, I want to impress your mother,” Jamilla said exasperatedly.

“Habibti I’m helping you, trust me this will work. And why are you so interested in impressing my mother all of a sudden, we’ve been married for a year now, and she loves you….sometimes I think more than me,” Karim joked.

Elias appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat. Jamilla whirled around and her face broke into a wide smile at the sight of him. “Hey, Elias!”

He matched her smile with one of his own. She looked genuinely happy, standing there in her gold-colored hijab neatly pinned to her shoulder, chopping up what looked like onions and dropping them into a pan on the stove.

Elias turned towards Karim, and nodded towards him affectionately. His brother had grown his hair out a bit and he could detect the faintest hint of stubble appearing along his jawline, even from a few feet away.

Karim gave him a fond smile. “Elias, hey how’s the course shopping going?”

Elias shrugged noncommittally. He ignored the way his heart sank at this reminder of his seemingly incurable indecision “It’s alright. I sort of like my photography course. I’ve been thinking of taking an editing class though, you know since I’ve been making the youtube videos, it’s always been interesting to me.”

Karim’s eyes lit up. “That’s so great, you really should. I think you would be great at that. You know my old roommate from uni is in film school at the moment. Maybe you’ll be making movies one day.” Karim turned to Jamilla, winking as he nudged her playfully.

“If Elias ends up making movies, then I hope he casts his beautiful sister-in-law as the lead actress,” Jamilla declared in mock-seriousness.

Elias snorted. “Wow… Jamilla I didn't know you wanted to be an actress.”

“That was always my dream, nursing is just my backup plan,” Jamilla winked.

“But in all seriousness, Elias you’ve always been a bright kid and I know you’ll do well in whatever you put your mind to.”

“I...I just want to try to follow my interests...and I’ve been wanting to learn more about film production, maybe...but I’m not sure. And it’s just hard, because lately I feel like I have no control over anything in my life” Elias confessed, rubbing the back of his head, slightly uncomfortable discussing his future so overtly.

Karim shifted his weight, leaning against the counter as his eyes locked with Elias in a steady gaze. “You know you don’t have to be sure, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn't try. I mean you can’t control your life, no one knows for certain what’s going to happen the next day, or even in the next hour, but you can try your best to accomplish the things you want to do and to make it happen. But if you don't try, how can you complain?”.

Jamilla turned around abruptly, facing him. “You said you feel like you don’t have control of your life lately, what’s been bothering you Elias?” Jamilla asked, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

“I don’t know, I mean I really wish I could just find my place and figure out what I want to do,” Elias voiced.

“It’s normal to not know what you want Elias,” Jamilla stated reassuringly. “There’s no specific age when people have everything all planned out and decided. We’re all just doing the best we can and figuring it out as we go.”

He sighed, nodding in contemplation. He knew in his mind that both of them right. He’d always been able to come to his brother when he was lost or needed advice. And now he had Jamilla too. His heart swelled at the thought that even if everything else was falling apart he could count on them. 

“If you need anything, I’m here for you little bro,” Karim said as if reading his thoughts, a broad smile swept across his face.

“Thanks, that means a lot.” Elias expressed.

“Anytime,” Jamilla said.

“I think I’m gonna go to the gym and work out, sort of clear my head. I’ll see you guys later,” Elias waved to them as he walked out of the kitchen.

As he trudged back to his room to change, Elias took his phone out and opened Facebook, searching for his friends texts, the ones still left unanswered. His fingers hovered over the screen as the guilt came in waves. He’d been ignoring their texts up until now and he knew they were probably worried. He sent them a quick text letting them know that he was okay. He felt bad for lying to them about what had happened Friday night. Mikael was the only one who knew the truth. He assumed he wouldn't mention it to anyone, especially to Yousef and Sana. They would just be filled with stress and apprehension. 

He let out a deep sigh and dropped his phone on his bed next to his laptop. 

He had a lot to think about.

**GUILTY**

**6.3 Fredag 10.11.17 19.58**

The light from his laptop shone luminous across the planes of his face as Elias stretched out his legs on the bed, resting his computer on his knees. He’d been looking up film schools for the past hour and a half and his brain was very nearly fried at this point. Ever since his talk with his brother and Jamilla he’d given film school some more thought. He figured he should at least learn what all it entailed. But now he was seriously regretting that because after scrolling through page after page, his eyes glazing over, he was abundantly overwhelmed with how many options and requirements there were. 

There was no way he’d get into any one of these schools. It was stupid of him to have gotten his hopes up for a pipe dream. 

It didn’t help that today his had mom bragged about Karim at the mosque to anyone who would listen and not once did she bring up Elias. He just wanted to make his parents proud to call him their son, but it seemed that all he ever did was let them down.

Hearing his parents discuss the accomplishments and ambitions of his younger sister and older brother never got easier with time. Having Karim back in the house was a painful reminder that Elias would never be good enough.

Of course he was happy for them, how could he not be, he loved them both. But no one ever talked about what it was like being the middle child. How shitty it felt being overshadowed. Half of him wished he could find his passion. But the other more rational side of him wished he could just land a job already. He felt guilty enough as it was living off his parents still. His brother’s advice the other day had assuaged some of his worries and doubts but still it didn't help his current situation and the way he felt. His heart ached for what felt like the millionth time that day. 

When he shut his eyes one word burned its way through his mind. 

_Hopeless_

That’s what his situation was, what his life was, what _he_ was; hopeless.

Frustrated and drained, he pushed his laptop off of him, and rolled off the bed, landing square on his sock-covered feet. He shuffled over to his closet and peered through the stacks and piles of sweaters, tees, and hoodies staring back at him. He grabbed a black wool sweater and some dark jeans and threw them on, grabbing his jacket from off the floor.

He fished for his phone under the blanket covers on his bed, his fingers finding purchase on the cool hard plastic. He texted his mom that he would be going out and that he would let her know when he got home. 

He stopped for a millisecond as he thought about calling Yousef, maybe it was his own half-hearted attempt to talk himself out of this self-sabotage.

But then he thought about the lecture he would probably receive from his best friend and he decided he wasn't in the mood for it.

He was done feeling sorry for himself. 

This time he would do it right. He wouldn't do anything stupid like last Friday. He would just slip away for a few hours, no one would even miss him.

**********

**(((Mask Off-Future)))**

He quietly slid onto the bar stool, the worn tattered seat fraying at the edges. He felt like everyone’s eyes were on him, judging him wordlessly, as if he didn't belong there. He peeled his jacket off and signaled to the bartender with his hand. 

“What can I get you,” the man behind the counter asked as he wiped a glass with a greasy dish rag.

“Vodka, thanks,” Elias replied, his voice almost a hoarse whisper, the shame threatening to seep through his voice.

Just as Elias raised the drink to his lips, an insist tap on his shoulder drew his attention away. 

He turned around in his seat, drink in hand, and was met with a bright faced guy with a crew cut and an earring in his right ear.

“Hi, Elias right, Sana’s brother?” the stranger exclaimed.

“Ummmm...yeah that’s me...and you ar--” Elias started.

“Eskild,” said the guy whose name he vaguely remembered from a hazy morning a few months ago.

“Eskild,” Elias repeated giving him a small smile, silently wishing that he hadn't run into anyone he knew. He wasn't exactly in the right state of mind for making polite conversation at the moment.

“Mind if I join you?” Eskild asked as he readily grabbed the bar stool next to Elias. 

Ordinarily, he would have said no, but something told him that this guy Eskild wasn't one to take no for an answer.

Elias shrugged and turned back to the drink in his hand. His throat burned as a took a large gulp from the glass. He scrunched up his eyes, the bitter taste overwhelming his senses as he drank several more mouthfuls.

“What are you drinking?” Eskild asked in curiosity, he eyed Elias up and down, a playful smile on his lips.

“Vodka,” Elias said, the background noise of the bar slowly started to fade together in the back of his head.

“I usually prefer wine, it’s easier going down too,” Eskild winked. If Elias wasn't as out of it as he was starting to become, he could have sworn this guy was trying to flirt with him.

“So why are you drinking alone here on a Friday night?” Eskild said looking around before his eyes fell on Elias once again in keen interest.

Elias shook his head, raising his brows as he said, “Girl problems, family problems, you pick,” unconsciously listing off his grievances.

He unceremoniously downed a few more drops as Eskild’s forehead creased, worry etched on his face.

“Elias, I know we don’t really know each other, but can I give you some of my world famous ‘guru’ advice? I feel like you could use it,” Eskild said.

Elias sat perplexed, unsure of what to make of that sentence, but he shrugged once again, figuring it couldn't hurt at this point.

“Girl problems are easier to fix. With girls, they just want you to be honest and direct with them. If you try to hide anything or are guilty of anything they will eventually find out, so it’s better to just tell them the truth.”

Elias stared straight ahead, his hand tightened around the glass, his knuckles whitening as he felt the color drain from his face. 

_The truth?_

What good could that possibly lead to? Laila had texted him two days ago and he didn’t know what to say to her. He couldn’t even face her texts. How was he supposed to face her in person?

“And hey if it doesn’t work out, there’s always Tinder, that’s a good backup plan.” Elias took note of the sly gleam in Eskild’s eyes as he said that, his subsequent laugh full of mirth.

He needed another drink.

_Or two._

He motioned for the bartender once again and ordered another vodka. Meanwhile, next to him Eskild ordered a red wine.

*******

After some time and two more drinks in his system, Elias was starting to think that contacting Laila was his best option. Eskild’s advice made more and more sense with each passing second. In fact, he wondered why he hadn't called her much earlier.

_Cause you’re an idiot...that’s why._

He mentally berated himself as he reached into his pocket, drawing his phone out and flipped through his contacts, the names and numbers blurring together before he squinted and found the name he was looking for.

“Oh are you calling her right now?” Eskild asked in surprise, clearly amused.

“Yeah,” Elias said, his movements a bit sluggish, as his brain fought to keep up with his dulled senses. “Should've done this so long ago,” his speech slurred. 

“Good luck, Elias,” Eskild smiled at him. 

He looked back down at his phone, Laila’s phone number stared back at him, taunting him slightly. He needed to do this, it was suddenly the most important thing.

He took a deep breath and pressed the call button. He brought the phone up to his ear, his mind spinning in a thousand different directions, he was sure he would get dizzy from it. He heard the monotone ringing, all the while his heart was racing. 

Suddenly, he heard the click and a soft voice on the other end said “Hello?”

He gulped audibly. 

“Laila?” Elias half-whispered.

“Who is this?” Laila asked, suspicion lined her voice, and something else that Elias couldn't quite place.

“It’s Elias….I got your voicemail and texts” he said, taking great effort to enunciate his words. He cast his eyes downward, as if he was half expecting her to hang up any second now.

“Elias?” There was surprise in her tone, there was no doubt about it. “What--I mean you’re calling me? Is everything ok?” he heard the crinkling of something in the background.

It took all of his concentration and focus to try to figure out what to say to her, after all this time, and after what he’d done.

“I just wanted to call you and…. ask if we could talk. Can we meet now, are you busy?” Elias finally managed.

He heard Laila pause, probably figuring out if it was worth meeting him after he’d ignored her for a week repeatedly. “Where did you want to meet?”

His heart thudded in his chest. 

“What about Aker Brygge, near the waterfront?” Elias asked anxiously.

“I’ll see you there Elias,” Laila said, before she hung up.

And just like that, with one short phone call, Elias had a sliver of hope again. 

He turned back to Eskild who was still sitting there, watching him in mild fascination.

“What did I tell you, being honest works,” Eskild said satisfactorily.

“I haven't exactly told her anything yet, she just agreed to meet me...right now,” Elias admitted. He grabbed his jacket and pushed away from the bar counter, anticipation coursing through him.

“Well, that's a start at least.” Eskild answered nonchalantly. “Hey listen, in case this all doesnt work out, is there any chance you’re bi?”

Elias was so taken aback, he stilled in his movements for a second, before he eventually managed a candid smile, shaking his head and said, “I’m sorry man.”

Eskild stared at him a few seconds longer, as if not quite believing him. A look of genuine disappointment passed over his face before he said, “Had to ask at least. It was nice chatting with you, good luck Elias,” he replied decisively, waving him off.

“Yeah you too,” Elias said, perplexed and a bit disoriented. 

He was this close to seeing Laila again. Now all he had to do was find his way over to the waterfront area somehow.

********

Fifteen minutes later, Elias was standing in his heavy grey coat, shivering and watching the water as it glistened in the pale lamplight.

He’d walked the short distance from the bar to Aker Brygge, his hands slightly shaking; he couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from nerves.

He checked his phone, hoping to see a text from Laila saying she was here, but no such luck.

He hoped against all hope that she hadn’t stood him up. He was starting to think this might have been a bad idea. What if Laila realized he was still drunk? She had actually agreed to meet him and he didn’t want to mess it up.

_Stay calm….you can do this!_

He sensed movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning around slightly, he narrowed his eyes in the dim lighting, watching as a figure slowly approached him. As they got closer, Elias could make out brown curls blowing frantically in the wind.

His pulse accelerated.

After all this time, she still took his breath away.

He couldn't believe how much control she had over him, it almost wasn’t fair.

And yet here he was, mouth slightly open at the sudden sight of her in front of him, mere inches away. So close he could see the small flecks of light brown in her dark amber eyes.

He didn’t realize it was possible but she looked even more beautiful than the last time he saw her.

She was wearing a black jacket over a deep green turtleneck and high waisted black jeans, her hair fell in frizzy curls.

Elias gulped.

“Hi,” he uttered softly.

Laila gave him a hesitant smile, her eyes full of uncertainty. “Elias…..hey.”

“It’s so good to see you,” Elias finally managed after a beat of awkward silence that had lasted a bit too long. 

Laila nodded. “Yeah you too….I was glad you called.”

“I thought about calling you a lot or even texting you, but I…..didn’tkknowwhattosay,” Elias mumbled. 

Laila paused. “You must hate me...for leaving like that without a word.”

Elias shook his head dramatically, he felt dizzy all of a sudden. “No! No I don’t hate you, trust me. If anything, you should hate me.” Elias looked away.

She furrowed her eyebrows and said, “Why would I hate you, you didn't do anything wrong?”

The guilt pressed against his chest, an unbearable feeling that he couldn't escape. He had to tell her. 

**(((God Don’t Leave Me-Highasakite)))**

“Laila….there’s something I have to tell you,” he started. 

He glanced up at her and met her steady gaze before continuing, “Last Friday, before I saw you, I...heard that you got back together with your ex and I started drinking, then I got into a fight trying to defend my friend. It was stupid I realize now, but I don't know it just sort of happened, and then...once I saw you, it’s like all those feelings came rushing back. But then I thought you had moved on in those two months so I...I hooked up with this girl...it meant nothing...I was drunk...and it was a mistake, but I wanted to tell you the truth…”

She visibly stiffened in front of him. “Was that the last time you drank?” Laila asked, her voice suddenly a shade more distant.

“What?” The question clearly threw him off. He’d been expecting her to be upset by the news that he’d slept with someone else.

“I--” Elias shifted his gaze downward, the shame cut through him like a knife.

“Are you drunk now?” Laila asked quietly.

He looked back at her.

_She knew. Of course she did._

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing Elias could think to say.

She shook her head in frustration, anger flashed in her eyes. “I can't believe you. You thought you would get drunk and call me saying you want to talk? She used air quotes around the word ‘talk’.

“No, that wasn’t what I was tryi--”

“We’re you trying to get back at me for leaving? By sleeping with some random girl, even though you still had feelings for me, and being drunk was what, an excuse?” Laila interrupted him, her voice hitched slightly.

“Laila, please, I told you it didn't mean anything, you have to believe me,” Elias nearly begged.

She ran her hands over her face and breathed a deep sigh. Eventually she peered back at him, expressionless. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“Laila, wait,” Elias pleaded.

But it was too late, she was already turning around, walking away from him. 

He tried to walk after her, to catch up with her, but his stomach lurched uncomfortably. 

He was going to be sick. He tried breathing in and out, several times, to slow his breathing.

He watched her get further and further away from him.

Elias felt hollow inside, a small piece of him left raw and broken. 

He needed to get home. He wearily took his phone out of his pocket and attempted to call for a taxi; he was in no state to walk home.

As he stood there on the sidewalk, waiting for his ride, he replayed their conversation in the back of his mind over and over again. 

No matter what he did, he always managed to hurt the people he loved.


	7. THERE FOR YOU

**TRUTH OR DARE**

**7.1 Sondag 12.11.17 21.33**

It was murky and rainy outside; as grey clouds started to roll in, the sound of thunder grew more ferocious by the minute. Luckily Elias, Sana, and the guys were all indoors, relaxing by the fire in the Bakkoush’s spacious living room, surrounded by blankets and heaping bowls of freshly buttered popcorn. It was movie night and it was finally Elias’ turn to pick the movie they would watch. If he was being honest, he really could use the distraction right now.

“Why did you have to pick the lamest movie imaginable, there’s no antihero or one-of-a-kind cinematography in this one,” Mikael grumbled.

“Just because you and Even think you’re both god’s gift to film, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to put up with your bullshit all the time,” Elias retorted, rolling his eyes. 

“Ouch bro,” Even said smiling, as he fistbumped with Mikael.

Out of the corner of his eye, Elias noticed Yousef scooting closer to Sana. He yawned widely before stretching his arm behind her and resting it on the back of the couch, his hand inches away from her shoulder. She smiled to herself as she leaned in slightly, moving a bit nearer to him. 

Yousef looked at Sana like she hung the moon and the stars. Elias wished he had something as close to what they had in real life. On one hand he was really happy for them both. His best friend and his little sister were so good together he was surprised it had taken them so long to realize their feelings for each other. He knew they had the kind of love that would last. A small part of him wanted that, although he would never admit it to his friends. In their eyes, he was a suave ladies man who couldn't be tied down to one woman. In reality, he wasn't sure he was that guy. It was more of an act he put on, one that he was unwilling to let go of, for reasons unknown even to himself.

Elias tore his gaze away from them and took a swig of soda from the can in his hands. It seemed that he wasn't the only one that noticed how close those two were getting. 

Mutta and Mikael were exchanging knowing looks with Even. Before long, Mikael said, “So Yousef, how much did you miss Sana while you were in Turkey this summer?” he wriggled his eyebrows, grinning at Sana, waiting for her reaction.

She glared at Mikael before giving an apologetic look to Yousef.

Yousef visibly shifted in his seat, clearly anxious about answering the question in front of everyone, including Elias.

Elias turned his head, curious to hear what he had to say.

Yousef hesitated slightly before saying, “I missed all of you guys. I was away for a really long time.” He gave them an amused grin.

“Yeah but there’s one person here you missed more than all of us,” Even replied cheekily.

Elias saw Yousef’s face become flustered, the heat rising to his cheeks as he subconsciously glanced at Sana. She met his eyes, smiling shyly at him.

Adam wolf-whistled before letting out a cheesy grin, glancing up at Sana and Yousef who both grew noticeably redder in the face. Elias watched as Sana pointedly faced forward staring at the blank TV screen, avoiding their eyes.

Yousef gave Adam a warning glare, silently telling him to back off. Luckily for his sake, Adam wasn't paying attention and grabbed the remote before turning the TV on. 

The movie opening credits started playing as Elias settled into his seat, getting comfortable. 

Suddenly, a loud crack of thunder boomed through the quiet halls of the apartment. 

Yousef jumped in his seat and grabbed Sana’s hand unconsciously. She looked down where their hands met in the middle before gazing back up at him. Elias watched Yousef search Sana’s face before hastily letting go. Elias caught the tail end of a small smile appear on Sana’s face before it quickly disappeared.

Without warning, the lights flickered on and off above their heads and after a few seconds, the power went out completely. 

“Oh what the hell? The power is cut? I can barely see anything,” Adam complained.

The howling winds and torrential downpour outside drew Elias’ attention as he looked outside the window to see lightning flash across the sky.

“Yeah and I don’t think it’s coming back on any time soon,” Elias muttered. He got up slowly and made his way over to the drawer in the semi-dark room, grabbing a couple of candles and matches and placing them on the ground where they were sitting in a group. He lit each of them one by one until the room was cast in a warm orange glow.

“Now what are we going to do?” Mutta asked.

“We could play a game,” Even suggested.

“Yeah let’s play truth or dare,” Adam said. 

Sana rolled her eyes next to Yousef. “What are we 12 years old?”

“Yes,” Mikael and Yousef answered at the exact same time.

Sana threw Elias an exasperated look which he returned before shaking his head, half amused. 

“Okay, fine but please if anyone picks dare, we’re not going through what we did last time when Mikael tried to make a blanket fort on the roof of our apartment building. We still can’t get that last pillow down from there.” Elias said warningly, glaring at Mikael who smirked.

“Who’s going first,” Mutta called, looking at each of their faces.

“I’ll go. I choose dare,” Adam interjected with a confident smile.

“I dare you to go to the kitchen and eat two of the green chilis sitting in the bowl on the counter,” Sana said, a devilish grin on her lips.

Everyone grimaced slightly at Sana’s proposed dare, looking at Adam sympathetically.

Except Adam didn’t waver for a second. He got up abruptly, taking one of the lit candles with him, and made his way over to the kitchen. When he returned a minute later, he held up the green chilis in his hand triumphantly. 

“Three, two, one…” Mikael and Mutta counted him down. “Go!”

Adam squeezed his eyes shut and shoved the first one into his mouth, chewing rapidly. His eyes were watering, tears streaming down his face but he didn’t stop until both chilis were completely gone. 

He swallowed the last of it, “I did it y--oh my god!! This was a huge mistake, he coughed and heaved, breathing in and out heavily, fanning his mouth desperately. 

Suddenly, all of them lost it, laughing uncontrollably. Sana clutched the sides of her stomach and Elias couldn’t breathe from laughter.

“Water! I need water now,” Adam yelled. Mikael still laughing, got up and ran to the kitchen and got some water for him. Adam scooped the glass out of his hands and drank the whole thing frantically.

Elias wipe a tear from his eye. He hadn't laughed this hard in a long while and it felt good to just goof off and have fun with his friends. He wasn’t even thinking about Laila and his problems. 

“Ok, ok,” Mutta said after everyone had calmed down and Adam’s eyes had stopped watering. “It’s your turn Elias.”

Elias shifted in his seat, a visible why me? look plastered across his face before he said, “Wow, okay I’m almost scared to choose dare now, so I’ll choose truth.”

“What happened to you last Friday?” Mutta asked.

And just like that Elias was drawn back to reality. 

He knew he couldn't avoid it forever, but he wished he could just forget that night ever happened.

His face must have shown what he was thinking on the inside because at that moment, Yousef said, “Elias, it’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it.” He gave Elias a reassuring smile.

Elias nodded slightly, glancing at Yousef and then the rest of them, He took note of the earnest expressions on their faces. He knew his friends and sister were worried about him, yet they tried to hide their concern behind easy smiles and carefree jokes. He wanted to tell them everything, but he was also scared of what their reactions might be.

“You know how Laila and I were sort of a thing before she left a couple of months ago?” Elias started.

They all nodded.

“Well the Friday before last, after Noora said that Laila had gotten back together with her ex, I...uh….got drunk and there was a fight.” Elias avoided Mikael’s eyes deliberately. “And I...sort of hooked up with Isabel.” Elias winced slightly, as he remembered what had happened. “Then two days ago, I went out and got drunk again and stupidly texted Laila to meet up and I told her everything and now she’s mad at me. Also it turns out that she never actually got back together with her ex while she was away, but she still has feelings for me. Or had them anyway.” Elias stopped talking at that point, too embarrassed to continue.

“Elias…” Sana gave him a troubled look. “I’m so sorry. I knew something was up with you but I had no idea, I should have talked to you about it.”

“It’s okay, I’ve just been trying to move past it. I told her the truth, the ball’s in her court now, I just have to wait and see if she’ll forgive me.”

“Of course, she’ll forgive you,” Adam said, like it was the most obvious thing ever.

“Yeah and at least you apologized,” Mutta added.

Even patted Elias on the back consolingly. “It will all work itself out, Isak and I went through a lot of ups and downs, but we made it through.”

“You know you can talk to us right Elias?” Yousef asked, his worry-filled eyes landing on him.

“Yeah, I know,” Elias cast his eyes downward and breathed out a deep sigh. When he looked up again, he waved his hand impatiently and said, “Okay, enough about me, let’s get back to the game.”

“Are you sure?” Mikael asked.

Elias nodded, “Don’t worry I won’t make you eat any green chilis,” casting a dubious glance at Sana behind him. 

She rolled her eyes. “That was funny and you know it,” she said crossing her arms.

“Who’s up next. I vote Yousef,” Even said eagerly, pointing at Yousef.

Yousef shook his head. “Fine, I pick truth,” he winked at Sana.

“What’s your credit card number?” Even asked innocently.

Mikael smacked the back of Even’s head playfully, a mischievous grin on his face.

They all erupted into raucous laughter for the second time that night.

**CAN’T BLAME YOURSELF**

**7.2 Tirsdag 14.11.17 18.12**

**(((The National-Guilty Party)))**

A loud knock at the front door roused Elias from his impromptu nap. He hadn't even realized that he’d fallen asleep. Elias rubbed his eyes tiredly; he hadn't been sleeping well lately. Late nights had led to sleepless hours spent tossing and turning, unbidden thoughts of inadequacy and heartbreak threatening to consume him.

He had started getting more and more anxious with every passing day that Laila hadn’t reached out to him. He was starting to think she never would. Maybe it was for the best; she deserved better than him.

Elias lumbered over to the door and pulled it open. 

It was Yousef, gazing back at Elias, apprehension written upon his face.

“Yousef? Hey! What are you doing here? Sana’s not here right now, she’s at some Kosegruppa thing at school or something,” Elias said, rubbing the back of his head.

“I’m actually here to see you. I thought we could hang for a little bit. Are you busy right now?” 

It had been a while since Elias and Yousef had hung out just the two of them, but he could already tell why Yousef was really here. He was worried about Elias’ drinking. He’d seen it on Yousef’s face Sunday night, when Elias finally told them all the truth.

Elias shook his head, waving him inside. Yousef stepped over the threshold hurriedly, and shook off his coat, leaving it on the hook by the front door. 

“How are things at work?” Elias said, broaching a neutral subject, attempting to delay the inevitable conversation that was about to happen. 

“Work is good, once I’m done with my certification I can become a full time teacher, I only have a few more courses left.” Yousef said, a relaxed smile on his face.

Elias nodded distractedly. “That’s awesome, Yousef. I’m really happy for you.” He led the way to the living room, as he crashed onto the beige couch in the center, Yousef following suit.

Suddenly, Yousef looked uncomfortable as he attempted to meet Elias’ gaze, “Elias...I’m worried about you.”

There it was.

Elias shifted his tired gaze downward, letting out a small sigh of defeat. “I know….”

Yousef paused, his voice wavering slightly as he said, “Do you remember our Russetiden? We were so excited to finally be graduating, but at the same time it was bitter sweet because the whole thing with Even had just happened.”

Elias recalled that period of time like it had been yesterday. He still remembered the feeling in his gut after Even disappeared from their lives, without a trace, without a word. It had left them all reeling and lost, unsure of where they had went wrong. Elias couldn't help but feel responsible, for somehow pushing Even way, despite his constant efforts at contacting him again. 

“Well there was more to it. I never told you this, but...Even came to me a few weeks before he...tried to...you know.” Yousef couldn't bring himself to say it, but Elias knew what he was struggling to say. “Anyway, he was so lost and confused, he told me he was living a lie and he didn’t know what to do anymore...so I thought…”Yousef pressed his eyes shut before continuing. “I thought he could find guidance if he turned to Islam, I told him to read a few verses from the quran. I really thought it would help him, I didn't know it would drive Even away from us...“ he trailed off.

Suddenly, he looked at Elias with somber eyes. 

“After Even dropped out of school and we couldn’t reach him, I felt it was my fault that all of that happened to him. It devastated me to think he was in that much pain because of me. It’s why I left Islam. And that guilt that I kept bottled up inside me, it’s what led me to drink for the first time during Russetiden.”

Elias raised his brows in surprise. He never knew Yousef drank that night. They were all pretty out of it after the stuff with Even, but he figured that he was the only one who gave in, who wanted to lose control and forget, if only for a few hours.

“Afterwards, I regretted it, because I realized that I couldn't just use alcohol to avoid my problems. I know what you’re going through Elias, and I know it’s easier to just let go than to think about all of that pain. I just don’t want you to have to go through what I went through.”  
Elias lifted his eyes, meeting Yousef’s sincere gaze, his eyes watering slightly around the edges. “Yousef...it wasn’t your fault what happened with Even. You can’t keep blaming yourself anymore. You were just trying to help him find guidance in the best way you knew how. And Even is so happy now, he’s surrounded by people who love him.”

Yousef nodded. “I know. It just took me a long time to realize it.” 

He fixed his stare across the room at nothing in particular before leaning back into the couch and turned to Elias again. “Did Sana tell you I started praying again?” Yousef said as he nervously adjusted the cap on his head.

Elias turned towards Yousef, his mouth widened slightly before a slow smile began to build across his face, as the surprise sunk in.

“Since I’ve been back from Turkey, I just felt like things sort of shifted into perspective over there. I’ve slowly started to let go of some of that pain.”

Elias watched Yousef as he visibly gulped, wringing his shaky hands unconsciously. 

“For so long after the Even thing, I used to think it was religion that split society and divided people against one another, but I don’t think that way anymore. I mean it’s easy to blame religion for the world’s problems but it’s not so easy to understand why people use religion as an excuse to justify their own hatred and ignorance. And I think being aware of the way Islam can be used as a tool in the hands of callous indifference drew me back to it, because it’s not up to anyone else to influence or alter my relationship with God, it’s only up to me and what I choose to believe in. And I choose to see the good parts, to believe in the ways in which Islam can be used for good. Sana helps me see the parts of Islam I fell in love with.” Yousef blushed lightly at that last part.

Elias was speechless. 

He was so happy that Yousef had reclaimed his faith and found peace through it again. 

Why couldn't Elias feel that way too? Why was it so hard to just be so unequivocally sure of something? 

“I know the drinking was a mistake, and I can't keep avoiding my problems. It’s just that I want what you have with Sana.” Elias murmured, almost as if to himself.

Yousef looked at him knowingly. “With Laila?” 

Elias nodded. “I don't know how to show her that I’m all in, I keep hurting her and I don't know what to do.”

“Show her how much you care about her,” Yousef said. “Sweep her off her feet.”

“You mean to tell me you swept Sana off her feet? Was that before or after you threw grass at her?” Elias teased.

Yousef rolled his eyes, shaking his head, “That was one time. I’ll never live that down will I?”

Elias laughed. “No you won’t. He swatted Yousef with a pillow that was lying on the couch. “But seriously, I’m sorry I worried you, and don’t worry, no more drinking for me. I’m serious.”

Yousef nodded, smiling warmly at Elias. “Don’t forget what I said about Laila too, try it, it’ll work trust me.”

Elias matched his smile with one of his own. “Ok, I will.”

**THERE FOR YOU**

**7.3 Fredag 17.11.17 20.14**

**(((Passionfruit-Drake)))**

The sky was slightly overcast, grey clouds seeping in from the west as Elias and Laila strolled along the worn out footpath. He could hear the faint sounds of water drenching the carved stone as he gazed over his shoulder at the towering water fountain. A few kids were splashing water at each other in merriment, oblivious to the ominous clouds circling their heads.

There were at Vigeland park once again and Elias felt a heavy sense of deja vu. His mind recalled the last time they had walked these grassy trails, the eclectic statues had watched them, their fixed stares almost following them. As if he was reliving that moment, he peered up at the statues in discrete fascination. He was trying his best to avoid looking at Laila who fell into step alongside him, the crunch of the wilted leaves under her boots and the birds chirping as they flew high above them a welcome reprieve from the tense silence between them.

Neither of them knew quite what to say to the other. 

Finally, after some time, Laila broke the silence. “I stayed at my aunt’s house….the two months I was gone...I was living with her.” She turned to him with wide eyes, as if she was half searching his face for a reaction.

He looked back at her mildly puzzled. She turned away from him then, keeping her gaze straight ahead, as she walked over a sodden newspaper lying on the ground.

“While I was there, I used to walk everyday. It was the only thing I felt I had control over. Her words were layered with half hidden truths, as if the rest were almost waiting to be spoken aloud. 

Elias had spent so many sleepless nights wondering where she was, hoping she was okay, worrying about where she was staying. He hadn’t known whether she was with family or friends or if she was happy. 

“Why did you feel you had no control over everything else?” Elias asked, uncertainty underlining his voice.

Laila was reticent, as if she had already said too much and was looking for a way out of this conversation. “I...it’s complicated...I just had to get away.”

“Laila?” Elias said, solemnity woven into the creases of his brows.

“I...I just…” She lifted her head up, her eyes scanning the crowd, searching for some unknown person. “Maybe this was a mistake.” She turned to him hesitantly, biting her lip.

“Laila, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me right now. Whenever you’re ready.” He offered her his hand. 

She looked down at the lines of his palm for a few seconds and then back up at his warm smile, before she gingerly took his hand. Her skin was soft to the touch, and warm. Her fingers fit perfectly next to Elias’. He could feel her pulse beating softly right above her thumb. 

“Do you trust me?” Elias said, smiling at her suddenly.

Laila scanned his eyes intently once more as she nodded.

“Come on, I have a surprise for you.” Elias smirked as he led her along the pathways, passing by an assortment of variously shaped statues lining the park and through to the exit gates.

He looked back at her, and his heart couldn't help but skip a beat at the sight of her. 

“But first we have to find a cab, to take us to our mystery location.” Elias said playfully.

She laughed, and it was like pure music to his ears. In that moment nothing else mattered, a small smile slipped onto his lips, a blush creeping up the side of his face.

There was nowhere else he would rather be than with her.

********

The entrance to the karaoke bar was nearly packed to the brim as Elias led Laila inside, the noise and laughter washed over them in a rush of reckless adrenaline. A girl in a black skirt and heels was up on stage, clutching the microphone in her hands and belting out a Michael Jackson song to a captive audience. He watched Laila as she looked around, clearly confused as to what they were doing here.

“Sweep her off her feet.”

Wasn’t that what Yousef had told him?

Well he was following his advice, and hoping beyond all hope it would work. 

“Why are we at a karaoke bar?” Laila gazed at him in mild bewilderment. 

Elias gave her an amused smirk before he said, “You'll see.” He led her further inside as he searched for a table for them to sit down. 

He was admittedly nervous, as he wiped his slightly sweaty hands on his jeans.

What if this didn't work? What if she hated it? Would she find him embarrassing? 

There was only one way to find out.

“I'm going to go get us something to drink, do you want anything?” Elias asked.

“Yeah I'll have a Pepsi Max,” she said with a straight face for approximately four seconds, before a wide smile erupted onto her face and she burst into laughter at his blank expression.

“I'm just messing with you, I'll have a coke,” Laila grinned, an endearing spark in her eyes.

Elias shook his head. He couldn't quite resist the smile that broke out onto his face.

“I'll be right back.”

Elias strode over to the back of the bar, to put in his song request. 

He was really doing this. There was no turning back now. 

Elias didn't think he was one for stage fright, yet here he was. He pulled his phone out and texted the guys.

**Elias: Where are you? I'm here with Laila. Did you remember to bring the flowers I picked out?**

**Mutta: turn around, were right behind you :))))**

Elias whipped his head around and sure enough there they were. Even had even brought Isak to help cheer for him. 

He'd come up with the plan last minute immediately after Laila texted him to hang out and told the guys what he wanted to do. It was Adam’s idea to buy the flowers which Elias thought was a bit overboard but Even finally convinced him it would be a nice touch.

Having his friends there alleviated some of Elias’ anxiety about singing in front of a huge group of people somewhat. 

“Where's Laila?” Yousef asked scanning the crowd. “I can't believe we still haven't officially met her yet, when were you planning on introducing us?” Yousef turned his eyes on Elias with an amused grin.

Elias rolled his eyes. “ I know I'm sorry but it's just so much stuff happened and then she left for two months.”

Yousef placed an arm on his shoulder, “ I know bro, I’m just messing with you.”

“Are you nervous about singing in front of this huge group of people?” Mikael asked, apprehension written upon his face.

“Thanks for reminding me,” Elias said with a deadpan expression.

“You're going to crush this!!” Mutta exclaimed enthusiastically. 

“Thanks, I better get back otherwise Laila will start to get suspicious,” Elias mentioned.

“Good luck Elias!” Isak said, beaming at him from beside Even, his arm loosely wrapped around his shoulder.

“Thanks Isak!”

Elias turned towards the table he'd left Laila at and slowly made his way over there. 

Laila smiled at him. As her eyes trailed down to his empty hands, she furrowed her brow slightly in confusion.

_Shit._

He realized he forgot to get the drinks. 

“Did you forget something?” She teased.

“The thing is I actually did get the drinks, but I was so thirsty I drank both of them on the way over here,” Elias quipped, hoping his lame excuse would work and she wouldn't ask more questions. 

Laila tried in vain to hold back her laughter, her nose crinkled slightly, her eyes squeezed shut, a look of pure joy written on her face.

If Elias could he would spend every waking minute trying to make her laugh like that.

His reverie was cut short as all of a sudden, the current singer on stage finished her last note and took a mock bow.

“Give it up for her guys! What an awesome tribute to Michael Jackson’s ‘Billy Jean’” the announcer boomed over the loudspeaker, his voice echoed across the walls of the packed room.

Elias shifted in his seat, a jittery mess of nerves.

“Our next singer has put in a special request, dedicated to a girl named Laila. Laila this one's for you.” 

He saw Laila's mouth literally drop open in shock, taken completely unaware by Elias’ spontaneity. 

She turned to see him getting up out of his seat. Winking at her, he walked up onto the stage. Grabbing the microphone from the girl, he anxiously cleared his throat. Elias scanned the crowd looking for his friends. They gave him a big thumbs up, vigorously pumping their fists in the air.

As the song came up on the screen, he searched for a familiar pair of brown eyes. After a few seconds, he spotted them in the back, a few tables down. Laila gazed back at him with slightly wide eyes, full of awe.

He had butterflies in his stomach. 

**(((Let Me Love You-Ne-Yo)))**

The music started to play and Elias got lost in the moment. 

_“Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way that you feel”_

_“Had no example of a love that was even remotely real”_

_“How can you understand something that you never had”_

Despite the fact that he hadn't exactly rehearsed for this, the lyrics slipped out of him, catching him slightly off guard.

_“Girl let me love you”_

_“And I will love you”_

_“Until you learn to love yourself”_

His eyes locked onto Laila as he sang to her, fervently and unyielding. She had quickly gotten over her initial surprise and was fully cheering him on now, and whistling with her fingers, a huge beam spread across her face.

Swiftly, the beat picked up in the song.

He shifted his gaze to his friends standing near the stage. They were all hollering and cheering loudly, clapping louder and more enthusiastically than the rest of the audience, bobbing up and down. Mikael and Adam were both dancing passionately, ramping the crowd up.

He never would have thought in a million years he would be standing on a stage, in front of a huge group of people singing his heart out to someone. He wasn't that type of guy. But yet here he was, doing exactly that.

_“Girl let me love you”_

His heart pounded loudly in his chest as he sang the last lyric. The chorus came to a close and he lowered the mike, never once breaking eye contact with Laila. The roars of the audience drowned out by the intimate look she gave him.

He passed the microphone to the DJ standing off stage, and hopped down onto the floor, making his way over to her.

When he finally reached her, she smiled at him so intently, he felt his heart swell with happiness. She reached out and wrapped her arms around him tightly, a delicate sweetness to her warm embrace. Elias felt a deep-seated calm wash over him, as he gently enveloped his arms around her waist. He could smell her lavender scented soap.

Eventually after some time, they broke apart and Laila looked at Elias shyly all of a sudden. “Did that really just happen? Am I in a movie or something?” she said, her cheeks slightly flushed.

“Yeah, I still can’t believe I just did that. But….I like you so much Laila...and I want to be with you.” He blushed at his headlong confession. “And I know it’s complicated, but I want to be there for you...whenever you’re ready to tell me everything.” Her expression softened at the sincerity of his admission.

“Elias…” Laila started, shifting closer to him. But she didn't get the chance to finish the sentence because all of a sudden Elias leaned forward and closed the distance between them in one fell swoop, brushing his lips against hers. He pulled her into him, as he slid his right hand into her soft curls, entwining his fingers into her hair. 

Time stopped. 

Surrounding sounds gradually faded away until all that was left was this moment, this instant.

When they parted, Elias was panting, slightly out of breath and Laila was in the same state; the color rising in her cheeks, her eyes had darkened somewhat.

Just as he was about to lean in again, someone cleared their throat loudly and Elias peered over Laila’s shoulder to see who had interrupted them, when he was met with six pairs of eager eyes on him and Laila. 

“Aren't you going to introduce us, Elias?” Adam said with a wide grin, as he looked from Elias to Laila and back again.

He knew he would regret inviting them. 

Rolling his eyes, he casually made the introductions. “Laila, this is the guys, guys this is Laila.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Laila said cheerfully.

“You too,” Yousef said, smiling at her.

“We’ve heard so much about you.” Mikael added.

“Oh before I forget, we--I mean _Elias_ bought you flowers,” Mutta said, handing the bouquet to Laila who’s eyes widened once again.

“Yeah it was completely Elias’ idea,” Adam said winking at him. Elias attempted to give him the death glare but Adam chose to ignore it.

Laila turned to Elias, gazing at him affectionately. “You’re just full of surprises aren’t you?.”

“I try.” Elias said nonchalantly, grinning back at her.


	8. I DON'T BLAME YOU

**I DON’T BLAME YOU**

**8.1 Sondag 19.11.17 11.36**

**(((The Morning-The Weeknd)))**

The morning sun glinted brightly in his eyes as he stepped onto the stairs leading up to Laila’s apartment.

Elias glanced at his phone to double check he was at the right place.

She lived on the second floor of the large brownstone building in front of him. The pavement under Elias’ shoes was cracked, exposing little tufts of weeds growing out of the concrete. 

His chest was light, full of nervous excitement as he walked up the steps. Elias had never been to Laila’s place and he realized this was a big step for her, inviting him over.

Once he reached her door, he rang the bell twice, and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. 

A few seconds later, the door opened a crack and Laila’s face peeked out from the opening, a radiant grin spread across her face before she opened the door wider. Elias felt his heart stop; Laila’s smile was the gift that kept on giving.

Elias smiled softly at her, unable to resist the tug at his lips as he gazed at her. She tucked a loose curl behind her hair as she said, “Hey Elias.” She waved him inside, stepping back to let him through the door.

Elias walked inside and the smell of fresh-baked cookies engulfed his senses. Even though he’d never been here before, he suddenly felt at home as he took everything in. There was a tapestry in the back wall with Islamic calligraphy and a prayer mat neatly rolled up next to the dining table. 

“Did you make cookies?” Elias asked, his stomach rumbled at the sudden mention of food.

Laila laughed, “Um yeah, I baked them earlier this morning. I thought you might like them.” She led him over to the kitchen, where a plate of cookies was sitting, still warm to the touch. 

“You’re amazing, I’m starving,” he grabbed one, biting into it, pieces of chocolate melting onto his tongue as he chewed. 

“I like your place,” Elias said in between bites. 

“Thanks.” Laila looked around at the familiar walls of her home. “I live with my mom primarily. My dad is constantly traveling for work, so I hardly see him. He owns apartments all over the globe. Right now he’s in China on business.”

“Do you miss him?” 

Laila shrugged, “A little...but I’m closer to my mom.”

She paused before saying, “Do you want to see my room?”

Elias raised his brows. “Y--yeah...I’d love to.” 

She gave him a small smile and turned around, heading down a hallway to the left, with Elias trailing along behind her. Pictures of Laila when she was little were strewn across the walls in multicolored frames. In one of them, she was beaming into the camera, missing her two front teeth. Another one was a photo of her with her arms around a boy slightly older than her. 

“Is this your brother?” Elias asked curiously, pointing to the picture.

Laila stiffened slightly, as she turned around and gazed at the photo he was referring to. She nodded, “Yeah, my older brother.”

“Does he live in Oslo?”

Another pause. “He used to, but he moved away a year ago.”

Elias nodded.

Finally, she turned to the door all the way at the end of the hallway and opened it, walking inside.

The curtains were drawn back, letting in the streaks of daylight that shone across the unmade bed in the back corner. The walls were painted a light blue color and an electric keyboard rested just below the window. Sheet music littered the small white desk along with a tiny metronome currently acting as a paperweight. 

A small amplifier and guitar was tucked away in the open closet doorway. 

“I didn’t know you play guitar, how many instruments can you play?” Elias turned to look at her, incredulous.

A flush crept up her neck. “Just piano, violin, and guitar,” she responded, rubbing her arm self-consciously. 

“Oh is that all?” he teased, smiling back at her.

“I told you I want to be a music composer,” Laila affirmed.

“It suits you.” Elias said, taking another look around her room. 

“Sorry it’s such a mess, but I didn't have much time to clean it up a little.” Laila said.

“Laila, you don't have to apologize to me, trust me, I haven't made my bed in years,” he assured her. 

“Do you want to sit?” She gestured to the small plush couch next to the window.

“Sure, thanks.” Elias fell back onto the sofa comfortably while Laila took a seat on the edge of her bed, picking the sides of the duvet covering absentmindedly.

He gazed at her worriedly. Elias couldn't help but feel like she was slightly distracted.

“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” 

Laila shook her head and took a deep breath. “I...just...want to tell you the truth. But I’m not sure where to start,” she admitted, looking at him briefly before shifting her gaze down onto the carpet beneath her feet.

Elias heart pace quickened, suddenly alert. He looked at her, but she had already averted her eyes away from him again. He waited slightly impatiently for her to continue.

After she was silent, Elias decided to help her out. “How about you start by telling me why you left two months ago? I called and texted you a million times for weeks after that, but you never responded.”

**[(((Loneliness #3-Arcade Fire)))](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oFOf-LDbz4) **

Laila met his eyes at that moment, a guilt-ridden look on her face. “It’s a long story and I...wanted to tell you everything a while ago.” 

She looked down again. “My brother had this friend, Aleksander….he used to come over to our house all the time and we’d hang out together. The three of us, we were inseparable. Until Aleksander developed feelings for me and I was younger and stupid and I liked him too so we started dating. It wasn't until after we got together that I...I realized what he’s really like...”

“What he’s really like?” Elias didn’t fully understand.

Laila brought her hands around her knees, making herself slightly smaller. 

“He’s abusive.” Her voice cracked. 

And it was as if all the air had been sucked out of Elias’ lungs.

“One night we were drinking and making out and I could tell he wanted to go further, but I wasn't ready...I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen and...he forced himself on me” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can't help but think that if I hadn't been drunk, it wouldn't have happened, that maybe none of it would have happened. But it did happen, and I didn’t do anything to stop it.” She looked away from him ashamedly, tears rolling down her cheek.

Elias clenched his fist. 

“For so long after it happened, I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me; they loved Aleksander, he was like a son to them. And by then so much more time had passed, that I figured it would just blow over, especially since Aleksander was leaving for university in a few weeks.”

Laila shook her head to herself.

“But then two months ago my brother came back in town….with Aleksander. Seeing him brought up all of that stuff again and It was the reason Anja and I had to stay at your house that one night. I couldn't go back home, not when my brother and him were there…”

Elias was shell shocked, frozen in his seat. It pained him to know that Laila had gone through so much.

“But then he showed up at my school demanding I talk to him and he wouldn’t leave. All that fear came rushing back. That’s what I hated the most, that after all that time, he still had so much power over me, and I just felt so helpless.” 

The memory dawned on him as he recalled the guy he’d seen arguing with Laila that day he had dropped off Sana’s notebook to her school.

“The day after you and I kissed, Aleksander came to my house, I should have never opened the door. He was drunk and wouldn't leave, he grabbed me and threatened me. I couldn't stay here anymore... I had to leave.” There was a quiet desperation to her voice. “So I left and went to live with my aunt. I didn't talk to anyone for days when I got there. The only person I told was Anja and I made her promise not to tell anyone in case he found me.” Laila swallowed thickly. “Eventually, I got the courage to tell my parents and my brother what happened a few weeks after that.”

He couldn’t believe all this time he had spent, foolishly thinking Laila was selfish for leaving just like that, without a word.

The edges of Elias’ eyes watered, as his anger and hurt threatened to bubble to the surface.

“You didn’t deserve any of that.” Elias’ voice was coarse, his throat felt heavy and constricted.

“Those two months I was gone….I wanted to call you everyday, but I had some stuff I needed to deal with on my own and I knew that if I talked to you, I’d want to come home.”

Elias lifted his head expectantly, meeting her eyes across the room.

“Anyway, I filed charges and took out a restraining order against him.” Laila said abruptly. “I refused to let him have power over me anymore…” she trailed off, exhaustion lining her voice.

Elias crossed the room and took a seat next to her on the bed, taking her hand in his. He gently wiped the tears from her face with his thumb, stroking her cheek. 

“Laila...I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.” He looked down at their intertwined hands and said, “I wish I could have been there with you, during those two months, so you wouldn't have had to do that alone.”

“It was my fault for pushing you away, it’s just difficult for me to trust people and to let them in after...what happened. Also, it was stupid of me to think that I could just disappear for months and come back like nothing had changed. It makes sense that you tried to move on…” She met his gaze; he was close enough that he could feel her breath on his cheek.

“Laila…” He squeezed her hand in his. “I never stopped thinking about you, that thing with Isabel...it was a mistake, believe me. And...there’s something else.” Elias paused, searching for the right words. “The other night, I’m so sorry I was drunk. I swear I didn't mean for the first conversation we had after weeks apart to go like that. I don’t want to be that person, the kind who turns to drinking whenever something bad happens in his life.”

“I’m sorry I left, it’s just that seeing you drunk just reminded me of that stuff with Aleksander and I couldn’t deal with it.” Laila admitted.

“I don’t blame you for leaving. I’m sorry again. Can we start over, a fresh start? I want to be with you I meant it when I said it.” Elias gazed at her sincerely.

Laila choked out a disbelieving laugh, “ You still want to be with me? After everything I just told you?”

“Of course I do! You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Elias said with a broad smile.

“I’d love a fresh start,” Laila said warmly. She cupped the side of his face drawing him closer to her as she leaned in and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Her kiss was a safe haven, a beacon of light in a heavy storm. After a few moments they broke apart, a smile played at the corners of Elias’ mouth.

“Can I get another one of those cookies you made, they were so delicious?” Elias said.

“You can have as many you like,” she laughed, bumping his shoulder with hers.

 

**Hei Briskeby - Makeup tutorial with dem boyz**

**8.2 Torsdag 23.11.17**

**Description: Absolutely no thinking was involved in the making of this video**

“What’s up people? Long time no see.” Elias smiled into the camera, as he sat on the edge of the couch in the living room.

“We’ve missed you guys, but now we’re back and we have two very special guests,” Elias glanced in front of him where Sana and Laila were sitting a bit apprehensively. Laila gave a small wave, while Sana half-heartedly rolled her eyes. “This is Laila and this is my little sister Sana who you know.” Elias pointed to each of them respectively.

“Today we have a surprise for you. Some of you--no all of you might think we’re crazy, but apparently we’re going to be doing a makeup tutorial. As you can see we ran out of video ideas and needed to get in that sweet content for views,” Adam quipped.

“To be clear, this wasn't our idea, but because Elias can’t say no to a certain someone, all of us are getting our makeup done.” Mikael mentioned, poking Elias in the ribs.

“Well not all of us….” Mutta interjected. “Even got out of doing this video by giving the lamest excuse that he had laundry to do,” Mutta shook his head, pursing his lips in mock disappointment. 

“Now Laila, Sana, what do you have in store for us today?” Elias asked, a laid back demeanor to him.

“Basically each one of you guys gets to choose the makeup for the rest of you, and you’ll take turns choosing.” Laila said.

“As you can see we brought out our finest collection of foundations, lipsticks, eyeshadow, and concealers. And by finest, I mean cheapest because we’re not about to waste our good makeup on you guys,” Sana added.

Laila nodded in affirmation while the rest of the guys looked like they had been stung. 

Yousef raised a hand to his chest dramatically, “Wow….you guys don’t think we’re worth using your good makeup on? I’m shocked, hurt, and offended.”  
Sana shook her head, laughing slightly at Yousef’s grin, full dimples showing.

“Ok so who wants to go first?” Elias asked, glancing over at the guys.

“I volunteer Elias to go first,” Mikael said, pointing at Elias, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Elias gave him a death glare, before gazing at Laila nervously. She laughed at his uneasy expression before she said, “Don’t worry Elias, I’ll go easy on you since this is your first time.”

Adam wolf whistled. Elias blushed slightly as Mutta said, “Which color should we do for his eyeshadow?”

The guys all turned to look at Mutta clearly puzzled at how he knew what eyeshadow was.

“What? Chris taught me a few things…” Mutta trailed off, shrugging his shoulders but smiling nonetheless.

“Oh I know what this is,” Adam said enthusiastically, as he picked up a beauty blender. “This is an egg that you can use to massage the surface of your skin; I’ve seen girls use this. You just roll it around on your face, right? He glanced at Laila and Sana who were close to bursting out in full blown laughter. 

“No Adam, that’s to blend in your makeup, usually your foundation.” Sana shook her head in exasperation.

Adam was clearly dumbstruck by this new piece of information.

“I think we should do a blue for Elias’ eyeshadow,” Mutta said abruptly, smiling mischievously.

Laila looked at him with mild horror, raising her eyebrows. She looked like she wanted so badly to say something, but instead, she held her tongue and picked up the eyeshadow palette and brush. She held it out to Elias’ eye and said, “This might tickle a little bit but can you close your eyes for me?” Elias shut his eyes and Laila leaned down, gently applying a few strokes of the eyeshadow to each of his eyelids.

Mikael snorted when he saw Elias’ blue covered eyes, Laila and Sana couldn't quite contain their laughter either.  
“Does it look bad?” Elias said, looking around for a mirror, but finding none.

Laila wiped a tear from her eye, shaking her head. “No, no, no, it looks good,” she lied.

“I think he needs a really bright pink lipstick,” Yousef added, covering his mouth, trying to hide his smile and failing.

Elias rolled his eyes. 

Sana handed over a bright tube of pink lipstick to Laila who lightly applied it to Elias’ lips. 

“Looking good Elias,” Adam remarked jokingly.

“He could use some eyeliner,” Sana suggested, putting her hands on her hips in amusement.

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Laila picked up the pencil and adjusted her wrist so it was level with Elias’ eye. “Okay so try not to move around too much.” Elias grimaced slightly but nodded before she slowly made a neat line around the edge of his eyes.

Laila stepped back to admire her handiwork, nodding in affirmation to herself. “I think I did the best I could given the circumstances.”

“Ok who’s next?” Elias said, attempting to change the subject.

They all looked around, hoping it wasn't one of them, before Adam stepped up and volunteered himself to go next.

“I’ll go. I don’t mind sacrificing my dignity for the views,” he boasted, wiggling his brows and winking into the camera.

“What dignity?” Sana said nonchalantly. 

“Ouch!! Sana is the true roast master over here,” Mikael said grinning at her. “Adam’s favorite color is red, so I would just go crazy with it and paint his whole face red.”

“Thanks bro, you get me.” Adam said fistbumping with Mikael. He looked into the camera then and said, “To any ladies watching this, if your man won't let you practice your makeup skills on them, dump them.”

This time it was Sana’s turn to snort. She knit her brows together in disbelief before walking over to Adam and picking up and bright red lipstick.

“Will this stuff come off when I eat or drink something?” Adam asked vaguely, as she applied it to his lips with great difficulty.

“Usually it does, but this one that I’m using is extra strength and waterproof so it’s really hard to get off,” Sana said with a deadpan expression.

Adam suddenly looked panicked, “What?” 

Sana smirked into the camera before turning back to Adam’s face and picked up the red eyeshadow palette.

“Adam, I think that color is really working for you,” Yousef added while Mutta nodded in the background.

“I know you’re joking, but I’m going to pretend like you meant it in honor of our brolationship,” Adam said.

Elias dropped his face into his hand in secondhand embarrassment.

*********

“Okay people, that’s all the time we have. We want to give a special thanks to Laila and Sana for taking time out of their busy schedules to put makeup on us.” Elias addressed the camera once more.

“I think we learned a lot in this video,” Mutta said, bouncing up and down in his seat enthusiastically.

Adam nodded, “Yeah, like don’t let wait until the last minute to come up with a video idea for your youtube channel.”

Mikael knocked him in the ribs playfully as Mutta smacked the back of Adam’s head lightly. Elias rolled his eyes before turning back to the camera.

“We’ll see you guys next time,” Elias said, as the boys collectively dabbed behind him.

 

**IS THIS OKAY?**

**8.3 Fredag 24.11.17 21.08**

**(((Rollin-Calvin Harris)))**

The chilly winter air was crisp on his skin as Elias strolled through Chris’ backyard. Silver and gold christmas lights were hung up on her terrace, twinkling in the late November night sky. He closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of the cold, letting it envelop his senses. The music blasting and the background chatter of the crowd buzzed around in the foreground of his mind.

Chris had invited Mutta and the guys for a get together at her house and Elias had brought Laila as his guest. He didn’t want to jinx it but things had been going really well between them, ever since Laila opened up to him. 

They’d been talking more and more this past week. Between daily text messages and late night calls, he had never felt more connected to someone before and it was completely overwhelming. Elias had never known a love like this; the chaos in him quieting after so long.

He scanned his eyes over the small mass of people, looking for the guys, before he spotted Mutta standing next to Chris, a bright gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her. They were talking animatedly about something and Chris was making wild hand gestures while Mutta squeezed his eyes shut in laughter, a joyful smile on his lips. 

Elias walked over to them and caught the tail end of Mutta’ sentence, “You look beautiful Chris.” A faint blush appeared on Mutta’s cheeks, the rosy hue a stark contrast to the light brown of his skin. Chris’ eyes lit up in surprise at his sudden burst of affection before she cracked the widest smile and looked up at him, about to reply before she noticed Elias standing there noticeably embarrassed to have broken their moment.

Elias cleared his throat awkwardly, “Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt…” He looked between the two of them sheepishly, “Have you guys seen Laila anywhere?”

Mutta shook his head.

“No, but I have to thank her, I loved the makeup she did for Mutta, it was hot!” she said excitedly, throwing an appreciative look towards Mutta who turned a deep red.

Elias chucked. “I’ll be sure to tell her when I find her. I’ll catch you guys later.” He headed off in the other direction towards the house, hoping he would have better luck there.

He was barely two steps inside before he saw Laila, in the back corner talking with Sana. She was wearing a black skirt and boots, with a white cardigan thrown over her shoulders.

As he approached her, she looked up and smiled at him, the dazzling whites of her teeth blinding him for a split second. “Hi Elias!” She wrapped her arms around him and brought his body close to hers. She smelled good, like lavender and honey. 

He could feel her heartbeat against his chest as he closed his eyes briefly. “I missed you,” Elias murmured in her ear, unable to let go of her. He could feel her body shake with laughter as she said, “We just saw each other yesterday.”

“I know but it felt like a lifetime,” Elias replied mock-dramatically.

“Ugh, get a room,” a voice called out next to them. They broke apart and Elias turned to see Sana standing there giving them a half-amused, half-annoyed look, before she waved goodbye to them, walking over to where Vilde and Noora were standing.

He rolled her eyes at her. That actually wasn’t a bad idea. 

“Do you want to find someplace quiet to hang out?” Elias asked Laila searching her eyes.

“I’d like that,” she said, gazing at him beneath her lashes.

Elias took Laila’s hand in his, revelling in the warmth of her touch. His heart skipped a beat as he led them down the hall into a room so they would have more privacy. They wound up in what looked like the guest room, the bed was neatly made along the middle wall, the heavy curtains drawn closed. He shut the door behind them.

He didn’t have any specific intentions or expectations of how the night might play out, he just wanted to spend more time alone with her, away from prying eyes. 

Elias glanced at her then and was met with a shy smile.

**(((True Colors-The Weeknd)))**

He gently tucked a lock of her curls behind her ear, slowly grazing the side of her face with his fingertips. His breath hitched in his throat as he reluctantly let out a deep breath, willing his anxieties to dissipate. 

Why was he so nervous?

Maybe it was because there felt like an invisible barrier between them. As close as they had become, he couldn't help but feel that Laila was holding back somewhat, unable to throw herself fully into the moment. Elias didn’t blame her after everything she’d been through but he wished he could ease some of her worry and apprehension. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed, casually leaning back on his hands and Laila followed suit, gazing around at the room in mild interest. 

“Did I tell you I’ve started composing new music?” Laila said unexpectedly.

Elias raised his brows, “That’s so great. Do I get to hear it sometime?”

“Yeah, you will once it’s all edited and I’m happy with it. I just get so in my head about my music sometimes, I want it to be perfect, but that’s not what music is, it’s messy and imprecise and....” she trailed off searching for the right word.

“Chaos?” Elias suggested.

“Yes!” Laila emphasized. “At least... that’s what it is for me.” She paused. “It’s sort of this way that I can express myself in ways that I can’t with just words.” Laila peered back at him, meeting his eyes as she said, “Does that make sense?”

Elias nodded, almost forgetting to breathe, utterly captivated by hearing her talk so freely and openly with him about what music meant to her.

“Laila, that’s beautiful…” He leaned an inch closer, until he could make out the gold flecks in her brown eyes. The tension between them insurmountable; her warm breath against his cheek. Elias felt like they were skating an impossible edge, each one waiting for the other to cross it.

It was Laila who closed the distance between them finally, guiding him to her, she brought her lips crashing down onto his, as if channeling all of her emotions into this one act; all of her longing, her grief, her love.

Elias trembled when they pulled apart, her eyes had darkened somewhat and he was sure his were the same.

Tilting his face, he pressed his lips slowly to the inner curve of her jaw, trailing kisses down her neck. She brought her hand up to the back of his head, wrapping her arms around him once more, caught up in the moment.

His hand moved further down her waist before he stopped, suddenly unsure. 

“Is this okay?” Elias asked, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

Laila hesitated before she slowly nodded, her eyelids lowered slightly in anticipation and anxious desire. 

That confirmation was all he needed as his hands sought purchase on her white cardigan, slipping his fingers beneath the fabric, a heightened sensitivity to the feeling of her smooth skin underneath. 

It felt electric.

He met her lips with his once more. Laila cupped the side of his face, the cool metal of her bracelet brushed against his jaw as he deepened the kiss.

Elias softly leaned her back down onto the bed, until he was laying half on top of her, careful not to press his whole weight against her as his hands traveled the length of her body beneath his.

Suddenly, he felt her body go still, rigid as she attempted to push him off her. He stopped what he was doing immediately and sat back on his heels looking down at her in concern.

“Laila?” he whispered.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can--I can’t… I feel like I can’t breathe,” she uttered out. Her voice fragile and raw as she sat up slowly.

“Laila, I’m so sorry...I-- I didn’t mean to...what did I do?,” The words came rushing out, in a desperate plea to try to get her to talk to him.

She just shook her head, disappointment and remorse etched on her face. “I thought I could do this, but I’m just not ready…” She looked down at her lap.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do this, we can just kiss...or we don't have to kiss at all... I mean whatever you’re comfortable with,” Elias said almost frantically.

“No... it’s not just that… I can’t see you anymore,” she said quietly.

Panic threatened to choke him. 

Elias’ heart stopped and he felt dizzy with confusion and sorrow.

“What?” his voice barely audible.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage.

“Laila….please...I’m so sorry, I’ll fix this…” He attempted to meet her eyes but she avoided his gaze.

Finally, she got up and strode towards the door, placing a hand on the frame. Pausing as she looked back at him, she opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it again. Laila hunched her shoulders and walked out the door.

Elias stared at the door for a few minutes in shock. He felt his cheeks burn, raising a hand to his face where moments ago, Laila had held him there, as if he’d just been slapped. All that was left now was the memory, fading away with every passing second. The ache from her abrupt absence pressed in from all sides, threatening to overpower him.


	9. AS STRONG AS YOU

**HOW COULD I BE DISAPPOINTED?**

**9.1 Sondag 26.11.17 14.18**

**(((Weight in Gold-Gallant)))**

Elias bent his head down, feeling a heavy weight on his shoulders as he bowed to the mat underneath him. He closed his eyes and sat back on his knees, reciting the dua. The neglected words fell from his lips clumsily. 

Praying for him was a source of solace, or so it used to be. As much as he hated to admit it, today it felt as if he was just going through the motions. 

In trying to relieve his broken heart, he’d decided to take the prayer mat off its dusty shelf for the first time in too many weeks. He knew it was selfish to only pray when he wanted something, yet here he was.

But all that Elias was left with at the end of his salah was a drowning heartache. He’d gone too far and now he’d driven Laila away. Was this sorrow doomed to be never ending?

He rubbed a weary hand over his face and took a deep breath.

The sound of the front door opening startled him from his debilitating thoughts; he guessed from the heavy footfalls stalking across the hall it was his dad.

It had been a while since they talked, one on one. Elias had done his best to avoid being alone with his dad ever since giving film school some more serious thought. What would he say to Elias? He couldn't bear the inevitable disappointment that would make it’s way across his dad’s face once he told him he wanted to pursue film.

He could almost hear his father’s voice in his head.

_“Why don’t you go into medicine like your sister or engineering like your brother? Or better yet you should be a lawyer. I just want what’s best for you, Elias.”_

Maybe he should just get it over with now and deal with the consequences later.

Elias gradually stood up from where he was kneeling and walked out his bedroom, as if attempting to delay the conversation he needed to have.  
And then he was standing outside his father’s study, sooner than he’d have liked. Summoning up all of his courage, he raised a hand to the door and knocked lightly against the wooden frame.

“Come in,” he heard his dad’s voice bellow from the other side of the door.

Elias turned the knob and walked inside; the enormous stack of papers and books sitting on his father’s desk was the first thing that drew his eye.

“Baba, do you ever take a break from working?” Elias asked, suddenly overwhelmed on behalf of his dad’s workload.

“I do occasionally, but you know what they say, when you love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work.” His dad smiled up at him heartily. 

Elias nodded absentmindedly. 

He knew his dad could somehow sense that something was on his mind because the next thing he said was, “How are the courses going?”

Elias debated giving him a noncommittal shrug, but then thought better of it. “The courses are good….actually I wanted to talk to you about one course in particular that I’ve really enjoyed.” 

His dad nodded, smiling jovially, “That’s great to hear, which one is it?”

“My intro to film production class.”

“I didn't even know you were taking that. Is that a new one?” His dad asked in genuine interest.

“Um, yeah it is, but I’ve been wanting to take it for a while now.” Elias rubbed the nape of his neck nervously.

“That’s good,” his dad added.

“Yeah, the thing is, I sort of...want to do that in the future…” Elias watched his dad’s eyes for a reaction, but his face maintained its calm and contented expression, his eyebrow raising slightly in mild surprise.

“You mean--”

“Baba, I want to go to film school,” Elias expelled the breath he hadn't realized he’d been holding. He felt like he was in the calm before the storm, like any moment the other shoe would drop and his dad would give him a disapproving look before trying to talk him out of it.

But none of that happened. 

Instead, his dad came around from behind the desk he was sitting and wrapped his arms around his son tightly.

The shock caused him to freeze momentarily, before his arms wound their way around his dad, mirroring his gesture.

When Elias let go, his arms dropping to his sides, he gazed back at his dad, still reeling from his abrupt rush of affection. “What was that for?”

“Can’t a father hug his son?” Elias’ dad asked cheerfully. 

Elias shrugged.

“Why do you look so surprised?” 

“I don't know.” Elias paused. “I guess I figured you would be disappointed in me...for not choosing a more stable career path or for taking so long deciding what I wanted to do.”

“Elias...how could I be disappointed by you?”

Elias thought back to those regretful hours he’d spent lost; drinking away his misery, indifferent to the consequences.

“I haven't always been the perfect son,” Elias admitted, looking down at the threadbare carpet beneath his feet, remorse fuelling his words.

His dad glanced at him intently, and sighed. “Elias, there’s no such thing. Do you think I was a perfect son to my parents?” He laughed then, “In fact, I can think of a lot of times I disagreed with my family’s ideals and beliefs. I was very rebellious and I certainly made mistakes.”

Elias cracked a smile at that, hearing his dad speak so openly and honestly to him, it was refreshing and relieving all at once.

“I’m excited that you want to go to film school, you’ve always been drawn to films. I remember you loved making them as a kid,” his dad said, smiling fondly at him.

“I just hope I can get in,” Elias said a bit apprehensively. 

“You will, you definitely will. I have faith in my son.” His dad said, a bright gleam in his eyes.

Elias’ eyes watered slightly.

“Now I want to see you smile, no more moping around. Remember, if you’re happy, I’m happy right?.”

He nodded, motioning for his dad’s embrace once more which he happily obliged.

_Maybe it was going to be okay._

 

**IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT**

**9.2 Onsdag 29.11.17 17.26**

**(((Biking-Frank Ocean)))**

“No that’s the dumbest idea, we’re not doing that,” Elias laughed in reply to Mikael’s suggestion for their next Hei Briskeby video.

The guys had come over to create ideas for their next video, but they weren’t exactly in a productive mood. 

“Well we have to choose something, the last time we ran out of ideas, I was stuck with makeup on my face for four days,” Mikael said exasperatedly. 

“I told you how to get it off, you’re the one that didn't use the wipes Sana gave you,” Mutta interjected, shaking his head.

Mikael rolled his eyes stubbornly. 

“Anyway, I was thinking of sending in a few of my earlier videos edits for film school applications,” Elias added in an attempt to change the subject. 

“That’s awesome,” Even nudged Elias’ shoulder in approval.

“Just make sure when you start making movies, you tell diverse stories and cast actual people of color in roles,” Mikael said.

He nodded, “I’ll be sure to, maybe I’ll put you in one of my movies Mikael,” Elias grinned, laughing lightly.

Mikael put on his cheesiest smile then, squinting as he slid his black sunglasses onto his face dramatically. “Who me? I can’t say I’m surprised, I would be the best choice...obviously.” 

The guys cracked up as Adam smacked the back of Mikael’s head.

“Hey Mikael, this is random but whatever happened to that girl you made out with a few months ago? What was her name again? Mutta asked, curiosity laced his voice.

Mikael shifted suddenly, a slightly uncomfortable look on his face. “Uhhh...nothing, I don’t know. I wasn't that interested in her…” he trailed off looking at his fingernails in interest.

“But when’s the last time you went on a date? Seriously we need to set you up,” Adam mentioned.

Mikael shrugged him off as he said, “No… that’s okay... I’m good, really.” 

Elias peered over at Mikael, who looked visibly distressed, as if he was fighting an internal battle. Suddenly, that text from Ali flashed across his mind. He wondered if Sana had been right?

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been wanting--no needing to say….I’m not sure how to…” Mikael struggled to get the words out. 

“You guys know that stage when everyone starts finding girls attractive?” Mikael finally managed.

“Puberty?” Mutta asked.

“Are you giving us ‘the talk’?” Yousef joked.

Mikael rolled his eyes and half-grinned despite himself. “No, I’m not mature enough for that.” 

Adam snickered. “Yeah I remember when that started happening.”

Elias noticed Mikael eyes grow serious as he said, “It never happened for me.”

The room was quiet then.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Mutta asked.

Even shifted in his seat, almost as if waiting with bated breath for Mikael’s next sentence, watchful eyes on him.

“I mean...I’m not attracted to girls….” He paused.

Elias raised his brows in surprise.

“I-I like guys” Mikael looked downcast and Elias’ heart sank in his chest as he realized how long Mikael had probably been holding this inside him, afraid of disclosing his true self to the rest of them.

Why hadn't Mikael told them? 

He thought back to that day a few weeks ago, outside the cafe, Mikael had looked like he’d been caught, his face fraught with worry that Elias had seen him when he wasn’t supposed to.

Even’s eyes widened in disbelief, a brief flicker of something flashed across his eyes.

As if reading his mind, Mikael glanced over at Even, a nonverbal look passing between the two of them. Mikael appeared almost apologetic.

Adam was the first to break the silence, “Thanks for trusting us enough to tell us, Mikael.”

“I was really nervous because I’ve known you all for so long, and it just felt like you knew this one version of me, or you had this idea of who I was in your heads and I didn't want you guys to treat me differently,” Mikael confessed.

“How could you think we would ever treat you differently?” Yousef exclaimed. “You’re still the Mikael we know and love, nothing’s changed.” He smiled at Mikael. 

Adam and Mutta nodded in agreement.

“Mikael, you could have come to me…” Even started.

“I know, I just...felt so guilty last year when you kissed me and I freaked out. I was still denying it at that point and I guess I internalized some things. And then after that we couldn't reach you and we heard you tried to….” Mikael said in a distressed-filled voice. “Anyway I felt like I drove you away so I’m sorry for that.”

“It wasn’t your fault!” Even insisted. “I had a lot of stuff going on with me back then but the point is I’m in a better place now and you shouldn't beat yourself up anymore about the past.” Even held out his hand for a fistbump which Mikael reciprocated, smiling back at him.

“I’m glad you’re doing better, Even,” Mikael admitted.

“So that girl you kissed at that party a while ago…” Mutta said abruptly. He was sitting with his feet tucked under his legs, on the edge of his seat, as if enthralled by a fascinating revelation.

“I guess I was trying to pretend like that was me until it actually was, but..it doesn’t work like that.” Mikael said.

“Isak could have told you that,” Even said lightly. The teasing took away some of the tension. 

Mikael’s mouth broadened into a wide grin. “True.” 

“Wait, wait, wait, so all those times you said you were meeting someone, who was that? Was it Ali?” Elias asked, in need of some clarification.

Mikael stilled, a suspicious glint in his eyes. “How do you know about Ali?”

“So it’s true, he’s the one you were meeting?” Elias counted, a smirk written plainly on his face.

He watched Mikael roll his eyes heartily before saying, “Yeah, alright, you got me, I was meeting Ali.”

“Ali? The guy who’s doing an internship with your father? The one Sana brought home that one time?” Even asked.

“Yeah, him.”

“Mmhmm, so are you guys dating?” Even winked playfully.

“What? No! No we’re not--that’s not. No, I just think he’s cool. Whatever, leave me alone.” Mikael brushed him off.

Adam gave him a deadpan look before he burst into laughter, the rest of them following suit behind him.

“You’re really funny Mikael, maybe you should be a standup comedian instead of an actor,” Mutta said wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

Mikael flipped him off.

 

**AS STRONG AS YOU**

**9.3 Fredag 1.12.17 20.03**

“Does this shirt make me look fat?” Adam asked.

“Oh my god are you seriously asking me that right now?” Mikael replied in amusement. 

The boys had come over to the apartment to head over to a party near Grünerløkka together. ‘A boys night out’ was what Adam had called it.

“It's a valid question,” Adam said.

“Is it though?” Even chuckled.

“Come on Adam, you look fine,” Yousef winked.

“Thanks Brosef.” Adam replied, laughing earnestly.

“Is that Yousef’s new nickname?” Elias said, quirking his brows.

Adam nodded, bouncing on his heels back and forth, a bundle of excitement for the night ahead.

“Thanks I hate it,” Yousef said with a deadpan expression.

Adam pouted slightly in mock hurt. 

“Yousef, you shouldn't talk that way to your elders,” Mikael scolded, turning a disapproving glare on Yousef.

“I’m three weeks older than Adam!” Yousef protested, rolling his eyes.

Elias chuckled softly.

It felt good to allow himself this happiness, especially when his heart was still in pieces.   
A week with no response from Laila meant Elias had gotten the message loud and clear.

He didn’t know if he would ever hear her infectious laugh again, or see the small wrinkles around the corners of her eyes as she smiled at him, or glimpse the captivating way her fingers glided across a piano almost effortlessly. 

Elias didn’t want his love to be a burden but it was starting to feel that way.

_But maybe it’s for the best._

He would let his heart bleed for a bit and then he would move on. He had to. 

Elias would look back at this heartbreak in a couple of years, when this feeling was nothing but a distant yet familiar memory, an echo in the course of his life.

Instead of wallowing in his misery, he chose to focus most of his anxious energy into his film school applications and learning new editing techniques which had been the perfect distraction. 

Elias finally felt like he was channeling himself into something productive instead of hitting the self-destruct button. 

The sound of boisterous laughter woke him from his musings and suddenly he remembered where he was.

Mikael was doing his impression of Yousef flirting again by throwing scraps of paper at the guys.

Just as he was about to join in, the doorbell rang abruptly and the boys quieted down around him.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Mutta asked, walking the few feet to the window to peer outside.

Elias shook his head.

“Ummm Elias…” Mutta looked back up at him in bemusement. “You might want to see who’s here…”

He frowned and strode over to where Mutta was standing, his head resting against the window pane and craned his neck to get a good luck down by the front door steps leading up to his apartment.

_Fuck_

He filtered through all the available curse words that immediately came to mind.

This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when he’d just resolved himself to getting over her.

Laila was standing in front of his apartment door, looking left and right nervously. 

“It’s Laila,” Elias said in a surprisingly monotone voice.

“What?!” Yousef and Mikael exclaimed at the same time.

“Did you tell her to come over?” Adam asked.

Elias shook his head no as the gears in his mind turned, mentally calculating whether he should talk to her or not.

“Are you going to talk to her?” Even gazed at Elias sincerely.

He was silent, unsure. On the one hand, Elias wasn’t strong enough to have his heart broken again. But on the other hand, what if she wasn't here to break his heart, what if...

There was only one way to find out.

“I need to talk to her.” Elias resolved rubbing the back of his head, his shoulders tensed up in anticipation. “You guys have to go,” he said, slightly harried. 

“What, you’re kicking us out?” Mutta complained. 

“Bro, he has to win back his girl,” said Adam, a satisfied smirk on his face.

Elias rolled his eyes as he motioned for them to grab their stuff and leave through the backyard.

There were grumbles and shouts as the guys barely managed to quickly and clumsily half jog out of the backdoor into the chilly night air.

He closed the door behind them but not before giving them a small apologetic wave. 

As he walked downstairs, he nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste, until before long he was face to face with the metal door. 

Elias slowly pulled it open.

Suddenly, all that talk about moving on, was just words. Meaningless when the object of his affection was standing in front of him, slightly shivering in the cold, arms wrapped around herself. 

Elias’ knees felt weak and so did his heart.

A slew of emotions passed through him then. 

Hope. Sadness. Love. Agony. 

**(((Tell Me-R.LUM.R))**

“Hey,” said Laila.

“Hey.”

Elias meant to sound indifferent and unaffected by her sudden presence but his voice had a soft undertone to it.

“How did you know I would be home?” Elias asked in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.

“I didn’t. I guess I was trying to be spontaneous and was hoping you’d be here.” She looked down almost guiltily. “Can I come in?” she said finally.

Elias nodded and stepped back a bit to let her in. 

She followed him up the stairs up to his apartment and once inside, Elias closed the door with a soft click.

He was afraid to turn around and find that he was just imaging her there. That she was just a figment of his imagination; what he wanted to see. But when he turned, she was still standing in front of him, clasping her hands to her wrists skittishly. 

“I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m here?” Laila started.

He swallowed audibly. “Are you here to tell me that it’s all too much for you and that being with me was a mistake?” Elias offered.

Laila furrowed her brows in confusion.

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath as she said, “Elias I’m so so sorry. I know I've been really hot and cold with us. I'm not doing it intentionally I promise…” Her eyes pleaded with him, desperate for him to understand.

“Last Friday… I shouldn't have left when things got hard I know...I was just scared. I'm not trying to justify it, but that's the truth. My feelings for you are so strong that I was overwhelmed.”

She looked away before turning to him again. 

“And I was just trying to protect my heart because I was scared this--” She pointed between the two of them “--would only end in heartbreak.” She looked at him without breaking eye contact, her gaze steady. “But I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to run away. Because that's exactly what I was doing before.”

Elias felt like the wind was knocked out of him. She was saying everything he'd hoped she would for days, for months. Yet he couldn't help but feel a little wary of her changing her mind again. 

After a few seconds of silence that felt like a lifetime to him, he cleared his throat and said, “We can't know what's going to happen in the future, whatever happens is going to happen, but that shouldn't stop us from living right now.”

Elias paused. “How do I know you won't leave again when things get hard?”

Laila’s shifted, a remorseful look passed across her features. “You're right. I know I pushed you away...multiple times. And that I hurt you. It's just that Aleksander has this hold on me. I see him in every guy and it's so hard to trust anyone…” Laila looked close to tears. 

**(((It’s You-BØRNS)))**

Elias desperately wanted to reach out to her then but he knew he needed to give her the time and space to come to him.

“I guess I just expect the worst, so that when bad things happen I can sort of be prepared. But I know you're a good person and someone worth fighting for.” Laila looked at him through watery eyes.

“Laila I'm so sorry that you went through so much, but I hope you know that you can trust me. I'm not going anywhere. I want...to be there for you.” He reached across to her and gently brushed away a tear that escaped from her eye. “Did I ever tell you, I think you're the strongest person I've ever met. I wish I could be as strong as you,” he whispered.

“Elias you're much stronger than you realize. You had the courage to keep trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be despite society’s expectations and stereotypes.”

Elias heart fluttered at her words of encouragement. 

He bridged the gap between them and brought his lips to hers in a moment of pure need and devotion.

The kiss was heady.

Elias was unable to open his eyes for a few moments afterward: reliving the kiss over and over again in his mind. 

Laila ran a thumb over his lips affectionately before resting her forehead against his. “I never get tired of that.”

“Me neither.”


	10. THANKFUL

**THE NEED TO FIT IN**

**10.1 Søndag 3.12.17 10.36**

**(((Jeg Har En Pige-Skinz)))**

“This is my favorite episode,” said Elias as he leisurely stretched his arm around Laila on the couch next to him. 

They were at Laila’s apartment watching TV on the plasma screen in the Ogutu living room. It was early in the morning, earlier than Elias was used to being awake, but Laila was a morning person and when she’d called him over to hang out, he knew he wasn't going to miss the chance to spend more time with her. 

As she snuggled slightly closer, his heart kicked into overdrive. After all these months, she still got that reaction out of him. 

He turned and looked over at Laila. Her frizzy curls fell softly over her doe brown eyes which were glued to the screen a few feet away.

The happiness felt like it was pouring out of him.

“You said that about the last four episodes,” Laila said, laughing lightly, he could feel the rise and fall of her chest.

He raised a hand to his heart in mock hurt. “I can’t choose then, they’re all so good!” 

“I’m glad you suggested we watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine together, I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before,” Laila shook her head in disbelief.

“I couldn't believe it either. But it’s okay, because now you love it too.”

“I do. Also I love the fact that it’s got such a diverse cast. I remember growing up, it was hard to find shows with people that looked like me.” Laila noted.

Elias nodded. 

Representation was important to him too. It was hard to come by when the media and news outlets always seemed to portray Muslim people as the bad guys. 

“Yeah I get what you mean. Being a first generation Moroccan kid living in Norwegian society, you sort of feel like an outsider. Especially as a Muslim, growing up with the stigma surrounding yourself isn't easy,” Elias replied.

“I can’t imagine. I mean it was always a different experience for me as well because I never knew which half of me I was supposed to connect more with. You know being mixed race, it sometimes felt that I wasn’t white enough or I wasn’t black enough, so I didn't quite know what identity I belonged to.”

Elias had never thought about that before. About what it must be like to grow up biracial, or even multiracial. 

“And of course there’s the racism. My mom deals with worse because she has darker skin than I do, but I still experience it.” Laila sighed.

“I’ve always felt the need to fit in with Norwegians, like if I blended in, they wouldn't see me as any different from them. I remember during Russetiden, I knew I wanted to be on a bus so I would be considered ‘Norwegian’. I guess my sister had the same idea as me.” Elias chuckled as he thought about Sana’s Los Losers van, happy that she was taking her fate into her own hands and not letting her actions be dictated by others.

“I felt the same way, that’s why I joined those Pepsi Max girls in first year….looking back now I see that was a pretty bad decision.” She furrowed her brows as she undoubtedly recalled the drama those girls had caused. 

Elias remembered what Sana had gone through all those months ago at the hands of a few ignorant people. It was all so pointless and unnecessary. He hoped his sister never had to experience something like that again.

“Anyway that’s all in the past. I’m just happy that I’ve moved on and realized that I don’t need to be on a Russ bus to be happy or to fit in,” Laila said.

Elias smiled hearing those words. Laila was so self-confident and he found it incredibly endearing to be around her energy. 

He leaned closer to her, in an attempt to kiss her, but at that exact moment his stomach chose to grumble as loudly as possible in the almost quiet room. 

He pulled back slightly and chuckled in mild embarrassment. “Sorry, I skipped breakfast this morning.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Come on let’s get something to eat,” Laila said, languidly getting up from the couch and pulling Elias up too.

He followed her eagerly into the kitchen and looked around at the spotless white granite cabinets and countertops. Elias was definitely out of his element standing there, unsure where anything was. 

“Since it’s almost lunch time anyway how about we make some pasta?” Laila suggested.

“Make?” Elias looked at her quizzically. “I barely even know how to make toast…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

Laila threw her head back as a burst of laughter erupted through her. She covered her mouth with one of her hands, trying to hide her smile. “Oh wow, okay I guess we’ll be working in beginner’s mode then. I’ll go easy on you.”

Elias quirked his lips. “Okay, that sounds good.”

“Can you cut the vegetables?” Laila asked.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, which ones are you going to use?”

“I was thinking some bell peppers, zucchini, and maybe some broccoli?” She offered as she started taking them out of the cupboard in front of her and placing them on the counter.

“Wow, so healthy. If it wasn't for my mom’s cooking, I’d probably eat junk food 5 days out of the week.”

She laughed as she took out a mixing bowl, “That does sound tempting. Since my mom works late hours, I’ve sort of taught myself how to cook watching YouTube tutorials. Not the most conventional method I know, but some of them are really interesting and fun to watch.” She glanced over at him to see how he was doing. “Oh, you have to wash those first,” she added with a knowing smile, as she saw him attempt to cut them right away with the knife she handed him.

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” Elias said as a blush crept across his cheeks. He ran the vegetables under the cold water in the stainless steel sink by the back wall.

“The only things I watch on YouTube are Vine compilations and music videos so no judgment here,” He continued, as he gingerly chopped the green bell pepper on the cutting board.

“Oh my god, I miss Vine,” Laila said fondly in a slightly melancholic tone.

“It was truly ahead of it’s time. We didn’t deserve it.” Elias expressed mournfully.

They looked at each other before they both cracked up, unable to suppress their laughter.

Laila waved her hand in between giggles, “Okay, okay, let’s boil some pasta.”

Elias rubbed his hands together. “I’m ready.”

**PROUD**

**10.2 Mandag 4.12.17 15.48**

Elias hit send on his latest application, letting out a silent breath of relief as he leaned back in his desk chair. It was getting close to the deadline and he just wanted to be done with this whole process. 

As he checked his email inbox, clearing out the junk mail, a new message popped up, the name in particular caught his eye. His heart beat once, twice, in rapid succession as he clicked on it tentatively, his fingers crossed as the message loaded.

_Dear Mr. Bakkoush,_

_My team was very impressed with your video essay/submission for our film editing internship position. Your creativity and ingenuity are just what we are looking for and I think you’d be a great fit at our company. Please find attached a schedule for a tour and introduction with me and a few other key staff members at Tordenfilm. Additionally, let me know the time and date you are available to start. Congratulations and I look forward to meeting you!!_

_Best,_   
_Erik Sørensen_   
_Senior Film and Video Editor_   
_Tordenfilm AS_

Elias’ heart stopped in his chest. 

He couldn't believe it. He’d actually got the internship. When he applied a month ago on a whim, he knew there was no chance he would ever get it, that it would go to someone more qualified, someone with more experience and more skill than him. And yet here he was, staring at the email in incredulity, reading and rereading the words over and over until they finally sunk in.

He ran his hands over his face in shock before he pumped his fists in the air in pure excitement and adrenaline, doing a little happy dance.

Elias felt like he was walking on air right now. And he knew just what he wanted to do in this moment besides call Laila with the good news. 

He walked the short distance to the hallway bathroom, washing his hands and face thoroughly. After he was done, he wiped his face dry with the linen towel hanging on the wall and made his way back to his bedroom.

His eyes scanned his belongings looking for the worn out and faded prayer mat before he found it laying on the side of his nightstand near his bed. Getting up from his desk, he sauntered over and grabbed it from it’s hiding spot, placing it gently down on the floor.

He smoothed out the ruffled corners and sat back on the heels of his feet. Taking his phone out of his pocket he opened the compass app and repositioned himself.

**(((Ultralight Beam - Kanye West)))**

A few minutes later, Elias brought his forehead to the soft material of the mat beneath him, silent in his sheer gratitude. He was surprised to find a tear had escaped his eye unconsciously; feeling at complete ease for the first time in forever.

Was this what it felt like to experience complete serenity? 

Lastly, he turned to the right and then the left, reciting the respective duas and breathed out a deep sigh of relief. He wiped the tear away with the back of his hand shakily. 

As he got up from off the ground, he bent down and picked up the mat, rolling it back up and tucked it away again.

“ELIAS!!” 

The sound of someone calling for him drifted in through the crack in the door.

He recognized the voice; it belonged to his mom. He pulled his door wide open and poked his head through. “YEAH MOM?”

There was silence.

“WHAAATT MOM??” he repeated, louder this time.

“You don't need to shout,” said his mom as she suddenly came into the hallway a disapproving look in her eyes. 

Elias fought the urge to roll his eyes before saying, “Did you call for me?”

“I did, I wanted to know if you will help me unpack the groceries?” his mom replied.

He nodded, following her out of his room and towards the kitchen.

“I just offered Salah,” Elias said.

His mom turned to face him, a loving smile on her face as she said, “I’m glad.”

“Also I got that internship I applied to a few weeks ago,” Elias mentioned casually, his tone careful and controlled, although inside he was still bursting with elation.

She gazed at him then in adoration, “Elias that’s wonderful, what is the internship in? Are you getting paid?”

“It’s for film editing, and yeah it’s paid. It has flexible hours, so I can work in between school if I get in,” he disclosed.

They had reached the kitchen and Elias spotted the brown paper bags lying on the counter, waiting to be unpacked. He made his way over to them and paused as his hand hovered over the carton of eggs. 

“Mom, if I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?” 

“Elias, why do you think I will freak out? Have more faith in your mother.” 

He let out another deep breath, his voice barely above a whisper as he said, “I’m seeing someone…”

His mom scrunched her eyebrows together, “What did you say? I can’t hear you when you whisper.”

Elias cringed, this time speaking at a normal volume, “I’m seeing someone. Her name is Laila. She’s Muslim.” He looked at a blank spot above her head, avoiding her eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her raise a hand to her cheek, but to his surprise she was smiling.

“You’re not yelling or lecturing?” Elias asked, clearly confused.

She scoffed and raised a hand to her hip, “Elias why do you make these assumptions about what I will do?” She shook her head at him, the dimpled smile that matched her daughter’s returning to her lips as she said, “Elias, all I’ve ever cared about is your happiness and I can tell you’re much happier than you have been for the past few months.”

Well that was probably true.

“Yeah well the past few months, I’ve been….sort of going through some stuff…” he trailed off, unsure if this was a conversation he should be having with his mother. “But the truth is I want to be a better person, a better son...someone you can be proud of.”

“Oh Elias.” She gazed at him warmly. “You have already made me so proud.”

Elias’s heart lifted at those words. As cheesy as it seemed, he’d desperately wanted to hear those exact words for so long, and his wish had finally come true. 

It felt better than he could have ever imagined.

**BETTER GET USED TO IT**

**10.3 Torsdag 7.12.17 18.23**

**(((Cobrastyle-Teddybears)))**

“Ugh, missed again? Come on Elias, get your head in the game,” Yousef scolded him. 

Elias had his arms outstretched, almost rolling his eyes at the seriousness with which Yousef was taking this game. He was so competitive when it came to Sana. Why couldn't he just realize she was better than him at basketball?

Adam laughed loudly next to him, “Nice High School Musical reference.”

“Sorry coach, I was distracted,” Elias said grinning widely.

Mikael gave a sly smile as he looked at Yousef and said, “Are you going to start breaking out into song and dance any moment?”

With Sana hovering in front of him, Yousef faked right and then shot left as he threw the ball over to Adam.

Adam tossed Elias the ball midair and he caught it swiftly, dribbling before he passed it to Mikael, closer to the net. Glancing over, he saw Laila winking at him as she smirked and stole the ball from him, dribbling up to the hoop before sinking a layup.

Laila had come over to the Bakkoush household to play some basketball with the guys and she and Sana were currently kicking their butts. He would never admit it though, he couldn't give them the satisfaction. 

“She shoots, she scores,” Laila shouted, raising her arms above her head and high fiving Sana who smiled back at her in triumph.

“I thought you said you weren’t good at this?” Elias managed, in disbelief and amazement. 

Laughter bubbled through her. “I was just trying to be humble. I’ve won multiple championship titles at my past schools,“ she said somewhat shyly. 

Elias didn't think it was possible to be even more impressed with her, yet here he was. He shook his head to refocus on the game at hand. He would be lying if he said he didn't want to still win, despite how skilled the girls were. 

“Game on.” Elias said in a brash, too overconfident manner. 

They met in the middle as Mutta dribbled the ball between them, looking for any available openings to shoot from. He settled for passing it to Mikael who dodged Sana’s steal attempt and ran straight forward, driving the ball into the net, making a faint ‘whoosh’ sound.

Sana rolled her eyes and crossed her hands over her hips. “You got lucky...once. It won’t happen again.”

“Ooh what’s the matter, is Ms. Big Shot over here worried I’ll take her title?” Mikael teased.

“No, more like I’m worried you’ll hurt yourself. Check it.” Sana said with all the confidence of an Olympian Gold medalist. 

She motioned for the ball and went to stand behind the 3-pointer line at half court. Raising her arms above her head at a precise angle, Elias watched his sister, position the ball in her hand. As she threw it, he saw it sail through the air before passing neatly through the hoop, barely grazing the net.

Yousef nodded enthusiastically raising his fists in the air, shouting “THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!!! RIGHT THERE!!” He pointed at her in pride and Sana beamed up at him, taking a mock bow.

“Wow, Yousef what the hell?! Whose side are you on?” Elias said shaking his head.

After a few celebratory moments on the girl’s side, Adam started off with the ball this time, dropping into a semi-squat. He locked eyes with Mutta who stood a few feet away and nodded at him. No doubt nonverbally communicating what he was going to do. 

He bent low, dribbling close to the ground before he took off straight towards the hoop. But just as he was passing to Mutta, Laila swooped in and grabbed the ball from out of the air, a competitive glint in her eyes. 

She dunked the ball into the net, hanging onto the rim for a few seconds before touching back down to the ground.   
The boys collectively groaned as Laila gained another two points for her and Sana adding to a grand total score of 36 to 8 in their favor.

“Do you want to call it? I think we pretty much defeated you guys.” Laila said, tucking the ball under her arm, panting slightly. 

“This is like a whole other side of you, I’ve never seen before,” Elias said, gazing at her in wonderment. 

Laila shrugged and grinned despite herself. Sana gave her another high five and went in for a post-game congratulatory hug.

“I can’t believe we were completely destroyed by TWO girls,” Adam complained.

“I can,” Yousef said, wiping the sweat from his brow and winking at Sana.

“You better get used to it, with Laila on my team, we are unstoppable. Hey, we should form a basketball team!” Sana said eagerly looking at Laila for her reaction.

Laila’s eyes widened. “We should. I know a few other girls who would be interested that we can get to join us.”

“I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of competing against you guys then,” Elias chuckled. 

“Well, I should get back home, it’s almost dinner time.” Laila said, packing up her things at a casual pace.

“Okay, I’ll call you later tonight?” Elias said, leaning closer to her and brushed his forehead against hers before pressing a brief kiss to her lips. 

He could hear the guys jeering in the background, one of them wolf whistled. He could have sworn it was Adam. Elias broke apart from her, a faint tinge of pink bloomed across her cheeks as she said, “Sounds good.”

He let go of her and watched as she made her way off the court waving bye to the rest of them, bag in hand.

“Dude, why didn’t you tell us Laila was a basketball champion?” Mikael said.

“I didn't know either,” he replied.

“Elias seriously, if you don’t marry Laila, I will,” Sana said unexpectedly, her dimples popping out.

**THANKFUL**

**10.4 Fredag 8.12.17 20.46**

**(((Dør For Deg-Ezzari)))**

The night sky overhead contained a vivid mix of golden starlight and swirls of deep blue, awakening Elias’ senses as he fell in step next to Laila, walking up the stairs leading to her friend Anja’s apartment. She was wearing a crimson v-neck sweater and simple black skirt. Elias was speechless when he first saw her an hour ago, his mouth had literally fallen open in awe.

In an effort to be completely present in this moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air around him, cataloguing each and every detail.

Even dreams didn’t feel this good.

Elias had been here once before, as he recalled that day four months ago when he’d walked into a strange and unfamiliar apartment to pick up his sister’s jacket, unaware his life was about to change. Once again face to face with the white door, Elias rang the bell. An amusingly odd feeling came over him, as if he was reliving that moment. He almost expected to hear classical music drifting in from a far off room. 

The door swung open in front of him and a flash of blond hair peeked through. Anja squealed in delight as she took in Laila standing there carrying bags of food in one hand and her musical equipment in the other. 

“LAILA!! You’re here!! I’m so glad you made it. I have some of the equipment you dropped off earlier sort of set up in the back corner of the living room, so you can just drop the rest of the stuff near that area. I’m so excited that you’re DJ-ing the party tonight.” Anja was practically bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

Laila grinned up at her friend lovingly. “I’m so excited, I haven’t spun tables in a while so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes.”

Elias was surprised once again to find yet another hobby Laila had picked up, as he learned earlier, on her travels visiting her dad overseas. She continued to surprise him everyday.

“Oh hey, Elias right?” Anja said, glancing back at Elias who walked up the stairs behind Laila.  
He nodded, smiling at her. The initial embarrassment from his awkward pick up attempt a few months ago, all but gone. 

“Come on in.” Anja opened the front door wider, allowing them to step through. “Oh also watch out for my cat, he’s a real asshole and he likes to walk right in front of people’s feet, trying to trip them.”

“Oh I don't think I saw a cat last time I was here, what’s his name?” Elias asked.

“Karl.”

Elias frowned slightly at the strange name before he strolled through the entryway, the cozy atmosphere of the small space immediately wrapping around him like a warm blanket. He glanced at Laila to his left who was rearranging the music supplies in her hands, eyes scanning the room for the corner Anja had set up for her.

As she spotted it, she beamed and nudged Elias before saying, “I’m going to go set up.”

He nodded and gave her his best look of encouragement. 

She wandered off into the crowd and Elias fell back, searching for the guys and Sana. Surprisingly his gaze fell on a friendly face in the crowd; it was Isabel. 

Elias hadn’t seen or heard from her since they had hooked up. He recoiled internally as he thought about that regretful night. Elias had made so many mistakes the past few weeks, but he heavily regretted hurting Isabel. 

His old self would have considered turning around and avoiding her, but he didn't want to be that person anymore. Elias hunched his shoulders up resolute in his intentions and strode over to her standing with a red cup in her hands.

Isabel’s face brightened instantly when she saw Elias, giving him a warm, amiable smile. 

“Hey Isabel, how have you been?” he asked in genuine interest.

“You’re so sweet, I’m great. Never been better,” she replied and he believed her words. Her bright eyes were full of joy.

“I wanted to apologize again for being such a dick the last time I saw you,” Elias looked down nervously at his feet before meeting her eyes again.

“Elias you don’t have to keep apologizing. In fact I’m glad that we didn't work out. Because if it weren’t for that, I never would have met Trine. She’s amazing, we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now.”

_She?_

Elias did not see that coming. 

But good for Isabel. He was happy that she had clearly moved on, it had been weighing on his conscience for a while now.

“That’s awesome. So is she here tonight?” Elias asked, looking around even though he had no idea what Trine looked like.

Isabel nodded, she turned to her right and pointed out a tall girl, close to Sana’s age with long brunette hair. Isabel waved to her across the room, and Trine smiled back at her, affectionately. 

Elias turned back to Isabel and said, “Seriously I’m really happy for you Isabel.”

“Thank you! And what about you? Are you seeing anyone?” she asked.

He blushed as he unconsciously searched for Laila in the throng of people. Finally, he spotted her loose flyaway curls a few feet away, moving around frantically as she tested out her equipment. “I am. Her name’s Laila.”

“Oh, I think I know her, she used to be friends with those Pepsi Max girls? Trine used to hang out with them too, but she left because she said they were terrible friends. Trine always spoke fondly of Laila though,” Isabel mentioned.

He grinned hearing that. “Yeah she’s one of a kind.” Elias looked up and spotted Sana in the crowd, mingling with Adam and Mutta. “It was great talking with you, I’ll see you later. I definitely want to meet Trine, she sounds cool,” he said.

“You too, for sure I’ll introduce you guys, talk to you later.” Isabel waved bye to him and made her way over to where Trine was standing, placing a kiss on her cheek softly. 

**(((The Next Episode-Dr. Dre)))**

At the start of the new song, the bass shook the walls as everyone got on their feet, bodies pressed close to each other, letting loose.

It seemed like Laila had gotten her tables set up. As he glanced at where she was standing behind the turntables, he couldn't help but notice the intense look of concentration written on her face.

Elias made his way over to where Sana was standing, nodding to Mutta and Adam.

“Congrats bro on your editing internship!! I’m so proud of you,” Sana added, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“Thanks Sana.”

“You got it?!!” Mutta exclaimed.

Elias nodded, unable to contain the grin that spread across his lips.

“Bro, that’s amazing,” Adam said.

“Thanks Adam!” Elias gazed around the room. “Where’s Yousef and Mikael?” he asked suddenly.

Sana rolled her eyes and said, “Where do you think?”

When he didn't answer she continued. “They’ve only been here five minutes and they already challenged each other to a dance off,” Sana said half exasperated, half amused. 

He turned to look over at the crowd in the middle of the dance floor and sure enough he could see them already in full swing. Yousef was doing a passionate variation of hip-hop street dancing while Mikael was breakdancing furiously. All the while, the group of people around them were hyping them up.

At that moment, Chris came up to them, grabbing Mutta’s hand as she said, “Come on, let’s dance!” she said shaking her hips, dragging him into the congregation in the center of the room.

Adam went and joined Yousef and Mikael on the dancefloor, jumping up and down, pumping his head.

“I’m dating a literal five year old,” she half shouted over the music as it got louder.

“You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to date him,” Elias countered.

“True.”

*********

**(((Wild Thoughts-DJ Khaled)))**

Elias glanced up at Laila who smiled back at him. She slid the mega headphones wrapped around her ears off her head, and stepped down from behind the tables, making her way over to him. 

“Aren’t you in charge of the music for the whole night?” Elias teased as she stood in front of him, sliding her hand in his.

“I’m allowed to slip away for one song,” she replied. “Besides, don’t you want to dance with me?” She put on an endearing look that he couldn’t resist. His heart beat wildly in his chest as his eyes met hers.

All at once, they both fell into the rhythm of the song, hips swaying in time with the beat. They moved together as one, falling into step with each other. 

As he spun Laila around in his arms, he couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky for everything and everyone in his life. 

Looking around at his sister, at his friends, at this amazing group of people around him, Elias knew he had so much to be thankful for.

**********

**ENDING CREDITS ******

**  
******  


********

**(((Lions-Skip Marley)))**

**Writer (Ep 1-4) & Producer**

Anna

(smoothyousef)

 **Writer (Ep 5-10), Beta (Ep 1-4), & Co-Producer**

Anisha

(savedbythespell)

 **Co-Producer & Editor**

Cristina

(sanabakkousk)

 **Illustrator**

Rida

(ree-duh)

 **Promoter**

Simone

(ur-nitemare)

 **TAKK FOR ALT**

Thank you to our beautiful readers who love Elias as much as we do and who’ve kept us going through this project. We can’t thank you enough for your lovely comments and investment in this fic. We love you!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE READERS who followed along with this story and to MY FELLOW TEAM MEMBERS, Anna (smoothyousef), Cristina (sanabakkousk), and Rida (ree-duh) for all your hard work; without each one of you, this season wouldn't have been possible!

**Author's Note:**

> See [@SKAMELIAS](http://skamelias.tumblr.com/) for daily updates (text updates, insta updates, subchapters) as well as the spotify playlist of the songs in the chapters.
> 
> Come talk to us [@SAVEDBYTHESPELL](http://savedbythespell.tumblr.com/) [@SANABAKKOUSK](http://sanabakkousk.tumblr.com/) x


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